Read the production script for Episode 5 of The Chronicles of Oz: Ozma of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Five
PREVIOUSLY
Recap of the previous episodes.
OPENING CREDITS
INT. CAVERN
The Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion stand in the presence of the Nome King and his army. But first, Ozma has some narrating time.
OZMA (V.O.)
Once upon a time, a man called Oscar Zoroastor Diggs fell from the sky in a balloon, and went on to rule the Emerald City for twenty years. And from the day he arrived, Oz was never going to be the same.
Nobody could be sure where he came from — he definitely wasn’t from Oz — but he very quickly showed the people that he had fantastic powers at his command. The Ozians proclaimed him a wizard, and for a time everything was wonderful.
But then the king died, and the heir to the throne disappeared, so the Wizard, in all his wonderfulness, graciously took control of the country. And under the command of Oz the Great and Terrible, the people had stability. They had fear yes, but there were no wars. The Witches were held in their place by his fierce reputation. Nobody ever saw the Wizard — nobody ever needed to. By sheer force of will alone, the Wizard of Oz controlled an entire world. Nobody would dare cross someone so great and powerful.
Except one. Because one day another stranger from a distant land also fell out of the sky. She travelled Oz with a scarecrow, a lion and a man of tin, and in a matter of days she destroyed two of the wickedest witches and exposed the Wizard himself as a fraud, chasing him from the Emerald City. This one girl — a nobody, with no claim to royalty, no fairy magic, nothing but her wits — had caused more change in Oz than any other King, Queen or Wizard had in Oz’s long history. And she did it all with a funny joke and a smile.
She begins to become emotional.
OZMA (V.O.) (cont’d)
And what am I going to do? I’m Princess Ozma. The last of the Lurline bloodline. The shining hope, returned to save Oz in its time of greatest need. And… I have nothing. I am nothing. I have no powers, no armies. I’m no wizard or witch or girl from Kansas.
And what are you going to do, Princess Ozma? The only thing I can do. I can fail.
The sound of the Nomes builds, as the action resumes.
LION
You’re the Nome King?
SCARECROW
I’m confused. I thought we were captured by Dr Whatsisname?
TIN WOODMAN
And now we’re captured by the Nome King. Keep up.
NOME KING
You’ll have to excuse my impatience, gentlemen, I do hope I wasn’t interrupting anything with Dr Nikidik by bringing you here.
SCARECROW
No, no, that’s fine.
NOME KING
But when I heard you had come all the way from the far off land of Oz to see me… well I couldn’t wait any longer, I just had to bring you to my mountain directly. I’ll smooth things over with the good doctor, don’t you worry.
TIN WOODMAN
You must have some amazing powers if you can magic us away just like that.
KALIKO
Oh, my lord does indeed! Amazing powers.
NOME KING
Shut up, Kaliko. Please, my friends, make yourselves comfortable. We’ll be joined by your colleagues soon enough.
LION
Colleagues?
NOME KING
Princess Ozma, Dorothy Gale, you know. Your associates. And then we can get down to business.
SCARECROW
I see.
TIN WOODMAN
Are you going to bring them here too? With magic?
NOME KING
Only if I have to. But I have a feeling they’re going to make their own way here anyway. Once I show them where to look. You asked me about the source of my power, man of tin. Do these look familiar at all?
He brushes away his gown, revealing his feet. The others gasp.
SCARECROW
Are they –?
LION
I thought they were lost!
TIN WOODMAN
Those aren’t yours, you know.
NOME KING
They are now…
The Nome King laughs.
EXT. MOUNTAIN ENTRANCE
Ozma and Dorothy stand at the entrance of the Nome King’s Palace, cautiously.
OZMA
That’s where the Nome King lives?
DOROTHY
Apparently. Big rock door. Not what I expected.
WITCH
Will you just trust me, please? This is it.
A Nome laughs nearby.
OZMA
What was that?
DOROTHY
I guess… it’s a Nome?
OZMA
Right. As in Nome King.
WITCH
They’re annoying little rock fairies and serve the Nome King. But they won’t do anything up here.
DOROTHY
You sure about that?
WITCH
Just call for the Nome King, will you? Let’s get this over with.
DOROTHY
We’ve… we’ve got to call for the Nome King. Ask him to let us in. Apparently.
OZMA
Ok. Can… can you call him?
DOROTHY
I’m not ruler of Oz, Princess.
OZMA
Right. Ok.
Ozma takes a deep breath — then stops.
OZMA (cont’d)
I can’t do it.
DOROTHY
Sure you can.
OZMA
No, I can’t. I’ll mess it up. I’m messing everything up!
WITCH
Oh for wickedness sake…
DOROTHY
Princess, if you don’t do it, the Nome King won’t let us enter, then everything you’ve sacrificed so far will be for nothing. Do you want our friends back or not?
OZMA
I… ok. Ok, I’ll do it.
(deep breath. Then very quietly)
I demand the Nome King appear to us!
DOROTHY
Oh Princess…
(shouting)
We demand the Nome King appear to us!
Silence.
OZMA
Maybe… we need to request rather than demand?
DOROTHY
Fine. I request that the Nome King appear to us!
More silence. The nearby Nomes chuckle.
OZMA
They’re laughing at me.
DOROTHY
Maybe we should plead with them?
WITCH
Plead? Miss Gale, this is the Monarch of Oz, the last descendent of Lurline, and you want her to humble herself to a creature that lives in a cave in a desert? Oh, this whole thing would have gone so much better if I’d conquered Oz when I had the chance.
DOROTHY
(whispering)
Shut up!
(to Ozma)
Like it or not, we’re in his realm now. Maybe we need to approach this diplomatically —
NOME KING
(frightening, echoing)
Your friend is quite right, your Highness! Do not forget who rules this mountain!
OZMA
(whispering)
He can hear us!
DOROTHY
Yeah, oops.
NOME KING
I could sit here waiting for you to work out the etiquette all day, but I don’t have the time. Come in! Come into my domain!
The Nome King laughs and the doors swing open.
OZMA
It might be a trap.
DOROTHY
Of course it’s a trap. But how else are we going to rescue the others?
OZMA
I guess you’re right. After you?
A beat.
DOROTHY
Let’s go in together, shall we?
They take a few steps forward. The doors start to close. As they do, Billina rushes to the gates from afar, squawking the whole way.
BILLINA
Dorothy! Dorothy, Ozma, wait! Wait! Let me in! Let me in!
The door slams in her face.
BILLINA (cont’d)
Guess I’ll have to find my own way in…
She waddles off.
INT. TUNNEL
Dorothy and Ozma walk down the tunnel.
DOROTHY
Did you hear that?
OZMA
I heard a big giant door slamming.
DOROTHY
I thought… nevermind.
OZMA
It’s … it’s a long tunnel.
DOROTHY
A long dark tunnel.
OZMA
What’s at the other end?
DOROTHY
The Nome King I guess.
OZMA
Can’t keep him waiting.
DOROTHY
No…
They make their way down the steps. Dorothy suddenly stops.
DOROTHY (cont’d)
No, wait. Before we get in there, Princess, I need you to get your game face on.
OZMA
Huh?
DOROTHY
You’re queen of Oz —
OZMA
Princess.
DOROTHY
Whatever. You can’t go in there all small and meek. If we have any hope of saving our friends, you need to be strong. I know you’re still shook up from the Phanfasms, but you need to get over that. You understand?
OZMA
I don’t know if I can.
DOROTHY
Then we’re all dead.
(pause)
Listen. I’ve got your back. I’m not leaving your side, but he’s not going to negotiate with a farm girl from Kansas. It has to be the ruler of Oz. It has to be you.
OZMA
I guess.
DOROTHY
You guess?
OZMA
I… Ok. Fine. I’ll be strong.
DOROTHY
Show the Nome King what the Royal Family of Oz is like.
They continue on.
INT. CAVERN
The Nomes surround the room as before, with the Nome King centre, with the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, the Lion and Tik-Tok in one corner.
Dorothy and Ozma enter.
NOME KING
Well well well. If it isn’t Ozma of Oz! Welcome to my mountain.
OZMA
I understand I am addressing the Nome King.
NOME KING
You understand correctly.
OZMA
May I present Dorothy Gale, of Kansas —
NOME KING
Please, let’s do away with the pleasantries. Your friends have already filled me in as to who you are and where you came from.
OZMA
My friends? You mean —
SCARECROW
Yoo-hoo! Ozma!
LION
(to Scarecrow)
Do you have to?
TIN WOODMAN
Glad you could join us.
TIK-TOK
I am glad to see you are feeling better, Miss Gale.
DOROTHY
Thanks, Tik-Tok.
NOME KING
Aww, reunions. Love a reunion, me. It warms my heart to bring such a well-oiled team together again. Oh, no offence.
TIN WOODMAN
None taken.
NOME KING
Oh, what am I doing, look at me gushing. Please, your Highness, take a seat. I understand we have much to discuss.
OZMA
Umm, yes. Yes, we do. I… Your Majesty. I am the ruler of the land of Oz, and I have come here to ask you to release the Queen of Ev and her children, whom you have as your prisoners.
NOME KING
Ah! No, I’m afraid you have been misinformed and I have to correct you. They’re not my prisoners.
OZMA
They’re not?
NOME KING
No, no, absolutely not. No. They’re my slaves. I purchased them from the King of Ev myself.
DOROTHY
That’s… you know people aren’t property, right? You can’t just buy them.
NOME KING
Excuse me, young lady, I have a receipt.
OZMA
But it’s wrong! Don’t you realise that?
NOME KING
(booming voice)
Wrong!?
The Nome King’s response echoes through the chamber, silencing everyone. He then continues.
NOME KING (cont’d)
According to the laws of Ev, the King can do no wrong, is that not so? He had every right to sell his family to me in exchange for a long life.
SCARECROW
But he didn’t get a long life!
LION
Scarecrow, shh!
SCARECROW
Well he didn’t!
OZMA
What my friend means is that King Evoldo didn’t get what he was promised. He drowned in the sea a few months ago.
NOME KING
Well that’s hardly my fault now, is it? I gave him exactly what he requested — a long life. What he chose to do with it was entirely his business. He chose to end it.
OZMA
No, but then how could it be considered a long life?
NOME KING
Oh Ozma. Ok, let me put it like this — if I agreed to give you something of value like, oh I don’t know, a pretty doll. In exchange for a lock of hair. Then when you received the doll you smashed it to pieces and destroyed it. Could you say that I had not given you a pretty doll?
OZMA
No…
NOME KING
And could you, in fairness, ask me to return to you the lock of hair, just because you had smashed the doll?
OZMA
No…
NOME KING
Of course not. Nor will I give up the Queen and her children because the king of Ev destroyed his long life by jumping into the sea. They belong to me and I shall keep them.
DOROTHY
(whispering)
I told you that argument wouldn’t work.
OZMA
But you’re treating them cruelly!
NOME KING
Am I? In what way?
OZMA
By making them your slaves!
NOME KING
Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. No, I cannot abide cruelty. I was most benevolent in my treatment of them when I performed my transformations.
DOROTHY
Your what?
NOME KING
Oh, you didn’t know? My apologies, I thought you were up to speed with what was going on. Yes, I transformed them all into ornaments and bric-a-brac, displayed in various rooms of my palace. I mean, most slaves live a life of hard labour. I really think I’ve treated them with a great kindness.
OZMA
But that’s dreadful!
NOME KING
Is it?
OZMA
You must release them. At once. I will happily give you ornaments to replace them.
NOME KING
Suppose I refuse?
OZMA
Then I am here with my friends and will be forced to conquer you and make you obey my wishes.
Pause. Awkward.
NOME KING
Oh Ozma.
DOROTHY
(whispering)
What are you doing?
OZMA
(whispering)
I… thought I’d bluff him.
NOME KING
(laughing)
You’re as brave as you are pretty, Ozma of Oz. But you have little idea of the extent of the task you have undertaken.
OZMA
(uncertain)
You… have little idea of the extent of the power of Lurline!
NOME KING
Is that so? Does it compare to these?
He brushes aside his gown to reveal his footwear.
OZMA
Are those… the Silver Slippers?
(to Dorothy)
Your Silver Slippers?
DOROTHY
No way… I lost those in the desert on my way home, how could you — oh. Right. You live in the desert. Clever Dorothy.
NOME KING
They came fluttering down from the sky one day and into my possession. Finders keepers.
DOROTHY
They still look gauche.
(pause)
But you look fabulous in them.
NOME KING
Thank you. And I can do fabulous things with them.
DOROTHY
Like tap dance? You know, all that walking down the Yellow Brick Road, didn’t once consider dancing in them —
NOME KING
A demonstration then! Watch this.
He taps his heels together three times. The familiar Silver Slipper magic rings out.
SCARECROW
He’s not really going to dance, is he? Cause that would be odd even for —
The cage they’re in creaks. And buzzes with magic.
LION
What was that?
TIN WOODMAN
The cage! It’s the cage, it’s moving!
TIK-TOK
The cage is shrinking.
LION
It’s crowding in around us! No, stop it, please!
TIN WOODMAN
We’re going to get crumpled!
SCARECROW
Help! Help us, please! Stop!
OZMA
Thank you, you’ve made your point, Nome King.
NOME KING
Is that how you address a king?
OZMA
Sorry — your Majesty. Please, stop the spell.
LION
We’re getting crushed! Stop it please!
DOROTHY
Your Majesty, please!
NOME KING
Very well.
He taps his shoes again, and the magic ceases.
OZMA
You’ve made your point.
NOME KING
And this is but a fraction of my true power. Even without the abilities the shoes give me, my own magic is formidable, and my army numbers in the thousands. No ruler on Earth has ever dared to fight me, and no ruler ever will, for I am too powerful to oppose.
(pause. Then very quietly)
Do you still want to threaten me, Ozma of Oz?
OZMA
No.
NOME KING
Shall we negotiate on friendlier terms then?
OZMA
Yes.
NOME KING
(back to friendly)
Excellent! So, where shall we begin? You are no doubt anxious to have the Queen of Ev and her children returned to you. What will you give me in exchange?
DOROTHY
How about we replace the ornaments you turned them into? Promise we’ll do our best to match the decor.
NOME KING
Interesting, interesting — I do like my ornaments though, and I do like them as they are. When they contain the souls of slaves.
(pause)
Are you willing to take a few chances and risks yourselves, in order to set free the people of Ev?
OZMA
What do you propose?
NOME KING
Kaliko!
KALIKO
Yes, your Majesty?
NOME KING
Oh, sorry, this is Kaliko, my Chief Steward and Lord Chamberlain. He’s like my second in command, or personal assistant, depending on the day.
TIN WOODMAN
We’ve met.
NOME KING
Kaliko, release the prisoners from the cage and have them join us in the Ornament Chamber.
KALIKO
At once, your Majesty.
Kaliko rushes over to the cage and begins to release the others.
NOME KING
And let the game begin.
INT. ORNAMENT CHAMBER
The Nome King leads Ozma, Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodman, Lion and Tik-Tok into the chamber. It’s a big space, filled with ornaments of every shape, size and colour.
NOME KING
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my Ornament Chamber!
TIN WOODMAN
Are all of these things transformed people?
NOME KING
Some of them. Most of them are just things. But pretty things, don’t you think? This one, this stone eagle, was a gift from King Rinkitink on the anniversary of his coronation. Or at least that’s what I said it was when I took it. But somewhere in this room resides the Queen of Ev and her two children. As something.
OZMA
Then may I request that you return them to their true forms?
NOME KING
I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer. No, I have a more interesting way to do this. It’ll test you.
DOROTHY
Test us? How?
NOME KING
Well you… look, it’s probably easier with a demonstration. Show don’t tell, that’s what they say. Ahhhh — Lion. Yes, you, would you like to be my volunteer?
LION
Volunteer? For what?
NOME KING
Oh you’ll find out, come over here please. There’s a good kitty.
The Lion pads across to the Nome King.
NOME KING (cont’d)
Right. Pick an ornament, any ornament. Anything you like.
LION
Pick an ornament?
NOME KING
Yep. Whatever takes your fancy. This antique lamp for instance. It’s nice and red, working too, features an excellent opaque finish —
DOROTHY
This isn’t ‘Antiques Roadshow’, Nome King, what’s your point?
NOME KING
Touch it for me please, Lion.
LION
What?
NOME KING
Just touch it and say out loud, nice and clear ‘Ev’.
LION
‘Ev’?
NOME KING
While touching the lamp, please.
LION
How can I touch it when I don’t have hands —
NOME KING
Use your nose. Go on, try it.
LION
Ok. If you say so.
(he bends down and touches the lamp)
Ev.
NOME KING
Hmm, nope. Ok, try this. It’s a tiger statue — You’d share an affinity with that I’m sure. Touch it and say ‘Ev’.
LION
(crossing to the item)
Ok then. Ev!
NOME KING
Hmm, still nothing.
LION
I feel stupid.
TIN WOODMAN
Does this have a point, your Majesty? What are we doing?
NOME KING
You’ll all see in a moment. Ok, Lion. Third try — have a go at this armchair.
LION
Just touch it and say —
NOME KING
Exactly as you did before. Come along, quickly.
LION
(crossing to the item)
I hope this makes sense soon. Ok. Ev. Now what did — ahhhhhhh!
He screams in pain as the magic takes hold. His features start melting.
DOROTHY
Lion!
TIN WOODMAN
What’s happening to him?
SCARECROW
(moving forward)
He’s… he’s melting!
DOROTHY
No, don’t touch him!
LION
Stop, please, no! It hurts! It hurts!
OZMA
Nome King, stop this now!
NOME KING
I’m giving you a demonstration.
TIK-TOK
He is disintegrating fast.
TIN WOODMAN
Lion, let go of the chair, stop touching it.
LION
I can’t. I can’t let go. Help me, please!
TIN WOODMAN
I swear to you, Nome King, stop this or I’ll —
Blam! The lights go out, and when they return the Lion is gone.
NOME KING
It’s too late. It’s done.
TIK-TOK
Where has the Lion gone?
NOME KING
He’s joined my collection. He is now an ornament!
SCARECROW
He’s what!?
DOROTHY
You monster! Change him back right now!
TIN WOODMAN
Which one is he? What did you turn him into?
NOME KING
Well that’s the game, isn’t it? You have to guess! So the rules are this — each of you get to come in here on your own, and examine all the ornaments. Try to decide which ones are really the Ev Royal Family in disguise. Then once you’ve decided, you touch the ornament, call out ‘Ev!’ and if you’re right, they’ll be set free. Well done, good on you. But you only get three chances — get it wrong three times, and you join my collection.
SCARECROW
Like poor Lion.
TIN WOODMAN
But that’s not fair! The Lion didn’t know he was playing!
NOME KING
So?
TIN WOODMAN
So change him back! Be fair!
NOME KING
My dear nickel-plated friend, at no point did I ever indicate this was going to be fair. These are my terms for releasing my property, and are not up for negotiation. If you’re unhappy with the terms, then by all means withdraw.
SCARECROW
We can’t withdraw — you’ve put our friend into the mix! You know we can’t leave him.
DOROTHY
Of course he knows that. It’s why he did this to the Lion in the first place.
NOME KING
You’re an intelligent girl I see. I’ll be interested to see what you guess. Shall you go first?
DOROTHY
I… I —
NOME KING
Someone must, after all. If you’re committed to playing.
DOROTHY
Fine. Then —
TIN WOODMAN
No, I’ll go first.
DOROTHY
What?
TIN WOODMAN
As Emperor of the Winkies, I would be remiss in letting anyone else sacrifice themselves before I would.
TIK-TOK
You are very brave.
DOROTHY
No, Tin Woodman, you can’t.
SCARECROW
I agree, this is… it’s wrong.
TIN WOODMAN
Like he said, someone has to go next. And … I couldn’t bear to watch you get turned into an ornament, Dorothy. I just couldn’t. See, I’m not that brave, Tik-Tok.
DOROTHY
Do you think I want to see you turned into a thing either?
NOME KING
None of you will be seeing anything. Everyone out, the Tin Man has to do this on his own.
DOROTHY
Wait, we haven’t —
NOME KING
Kaliko will see you’re all set up in my throne room with everything you might need. Come along, out. The Tin Woodman has some big thinking to do.
He ushers the others out. They call back as they leave.
SCARECROW
Good luck, old friend! Be careful!
TIN WOODMAN
I will.
DOROTHY
You can do this, you’ll pick them all! You got this!
The door slams, leaving the Tin Woodman alone.
TIN WOODMAN
Oh, I sure hope so, Dorothy.
(pause)
Ok then. What am I going to choose first?
INT. NOME KING’S THRONE ROOM
Dorothy, Ozma, the Scarecrow and Tik-Tok enter, followed by the Nome King. Door closes behind them
NOME KING
Kaliko! Fetch us some light refreshments! The Tin Woodman has elected to make his choices.
SCARECROW
Elected to die you mean!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, stop.
SCARECROW
That’s what you’re doing you know. Killing us all one by one. Is that giving you pleasure, Nome King? Are you happy?
NOME KING
Yes. Yes I am. This is the most fun I’ve had in ages. I can’t wait to see what you all turn into!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, stop it. Don’t antagonise him.
SCARECROW
Why not? What have we got to lose?
TIK-TOK
Please take assurance that the Nome King has not killed our friends. They have been transformed, but they are not dead.
SCARECROW
They’re as close as makes no odds.
OZMA
There’s a difference though, between death and transformation. I should know that more than anyone.
DOROTHY
Well, I’m glad you’re finding a sense of nostalgia about all this.
OZMA
I’m sorry.
DOROTHY
So you should be.
NOME KING
Ahh, drama. Loving it! You know, you do have a good chance of guessing right. Even if the Tin Woodman doesn’t get it, there’s like four more of you left. And that’s three goes each — how many ornaments can there be in there, really?
DOROTHY
Too many. You know that.
NOME KING
(giggle)
Yeah, I do, don’t I?
KALIKO
Your Majesty!
NOME KING
Ahh, excellent, the refreshments are here.
KALIKO
Your Majesty, may I speak with you?
NOME KING
Absolutely. Please excuse me for a moment.
He walks away. The others start conspiring.
SCARECROW
Wait, did he say four of us?
OZMA
Yes.
SCARECROW
But that can’t be right cause there’s… where’s Billina?
DOROTHY
We don’t know.
SCARECROW
I didn’t see her come in with you, I thought she was waiting outside.
TIK-TOK
When the Nome King captured me, I left her alone on the mountain path. I had assumed she would have rejoined you.
OZMA
We never saw her. You don’t suppose she’s somewhere down here as well?
DOROTHY
I don’t know. She might be a chicken, but she’s crafty. She’ll find some way to get in here.
INT. TUNNEL
Billina squeezes her way through a crack in the wall.
BILLINA
(straining)
Nearly… nearly…. there we go! Take that! Billina’s skinnier than she looks! I can squeeze through any crack into any random tunnel!
(pause)
Right. Let’s go find this Nome King then.
She clucks her way down the corridor.
INT. NOME KING’S THRONE ROOM
Continuing the previous scene.
SCARECROW
Maybe Billina can rescue us then?
DOROTHY
Yeah, she can collect us when we’re ashtrays and take us back to the Emerald City in a bag.
OZMA
I’ve said I’m sorry, all right. This is all my fault, I know. I’ll say it again, I’m sorry.
DOROTHY
Sorry doesn’t help us now, does it. We need a plan.
SCARECROW
Plan? Good, I like plans. What’s your plan?
DOROTHY
Someone has to get those shoes off his feet.
OZMA
How?
SCARECROW
Good point, they’re not easy to get off. You know that more than anyone — how many people tried to take them from you when you had them?
NOME KING
What’s this? Strategic planning? Excellent, I’m glad to see you’re taking this seriously. I’m afraid I have some bad news…
OZMA
Can’t be that bad. You’re smirking.
NOME KING
No, you’re right, it’s hilarious news, but I doubt you’re going to see it that way. The Tin Woodman has made his three choices.
DOROTHY
That was quick.
SCARECROW
He must have wanted to get it over with.
The Nome King can’t hold back his laughter.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
We’d appreciate it if you didn’t laugh at our expense!
NOME KING
Oh, if you knew what he’d turned into you wouldn’t say that. Oh, he’s in treble now. If he could, he’d be whistling a different tune. Yes, he’s definitely in a pickle. A pickle, oh!
(he finds this too funny)
Trust me, you’ll find that funny if you work it out.
DOROTHY
(deadpan)
Hilarious.
NOME KING
Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t appreciate it. Right, who’s next?
DOROTHY
I’ll go.
SCARECROW
Dorothy, no!
DOROTHY
It might as well be me. It’s going to be all of us eventually. Even you Princess.
OZMA
Dorothy. I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry.
DOROTHY
Of course you are.
NOME KING
Wait, why is she sorry? You chose to do this, didn’t you? You chose to come to my mountain, I didn’t see her tie you up. You really want to blame this sweet little girl for what you signed up for?
(pause, the laughter)
Nah, I don’t really care, I just wanted to see what that sounded like. Come on, in you go. Go pick an ornament or three.
SCARECROW
Goodbye Dorothy!
DOROTHY
Goodbye Scarecrow, goodbye Tik-Tok.
(pause)
Goodbye Princess.
Dorothy leaves. Door closes behind her.
OZMA
Goodbye.
INT. ORNAMENT CHAMBER
Dorothy enters and the door closes.
DOROTHY
Right. So where do we start?
WITCH
What is this? What are you doing?
DOROTHY
The Lion touched this thing here when he disappeared. So the Lion would probably be somewhere in this vicinity…
WITCH
Why in hell’s name did you put yourself forward? What possible reason?
DOROTHY
But I’m pretty sure the Nome King would try and lead us away from the Queen and her kids, so they must be in a different spot.
WITCH
Is it sentiment? Or something ridiculous like that?
DOROTHY
Well someone had to go next.
WITCH
Then send the robot! He’s not alive anyway, so what’d be the difference? You should be back in there getting the Silver Slippers!
DOROTHY
It’s always about the shoes with you, isn’t it?
WITCH
You have no idea what those shoes can do. Flying you back to Kansas was just a fraction of their true power. Why else do you think I wanted them? You get those shoes off the Nome King’s feet and this is all over.
DOROTHY
Well I can hardly go back out there now, can I? Do you think his Royal Smarmyness will let me change my mind?
WITCH
Probably not. But don’t think that won’t stop me berating you for it.
DOROTHY
Well do it quietly, I’m trying to think. There must be a trick to this.
WITCH
There’s not. It’s chance. Which is why all of you are doomed.
DOROTHY
How is this helpful?
WITCH
I object to the notion of being trapped in your brain for eternity while your brain is encased in the shape of a teapot.
DOROTHY
Then help me. You know the Nome King, right?
WITCH
We’ve had encounters, of course.
DOROTHY
Then tell me about him. What is he like? How does he think? I seriously doubt he’s picked shapes at random.
WITCH
He’s… well he’s devious. Power driven. Loves to control a room and smiles when he does it.
DOROTHY
You and he must have got on super well.
WITCH
Absolutely not. We clashed spectacularly.
DOROTHY
Evil and more evil don’t mix I guess.
WITCH
Evil? What makes you say that?
DOROTHY
Umm, turning the Queen into an ornament?
WITCH
He made a legitimate business transaction. If you’re going to lay the E word on people, I’d be much more inclined to point at King Evoldo. I mean, who sells their family?
DOROTHY
Well, I wouldn’t put it past you.
WITCH
That’s hurtful.
DOROTHY
Like you have emotions. Ok. I’m going to try the candelabra. Any objections?
(pause)
No? Right. Ev!
(nothing happens)
Ok then.
She continues searching.
WITCH
Do you truly believe I have no emotions?
DOROTHY
Well you’re in my head, you tell me.
WITCH
You’re quick to judge, Miss Gale. You take everything at face value, you always did. Did you ever consider thinking about what drives a person? Why someone does what they do?
DOROTHY
You’re not about to justify what the Nome King did to the Ev Royal Family, are you?
WITCH
I’m saying you have met the Nome King for less than an hour and you’re already painting him as a faceless evil. Much like you did with me.
DOROTHY
You imprisoned your people in their own minds. The Nome King turns people into things. If you’re trying to justify that, then —
WITCH
And how do you justify your treatment of Ozma?
DOROTHY
I’ve been good to Ozma.
WITCH
No, you’ve been pretending to be good while it was just the two of you. I know you, Miss Gale. I know what you’re like.
DOROTHY
Oh this is rich. I’m getting a lecture on morality from the Wicked Witch of the West.
WITCH
Did you ever consider that maybe I had a name?
DOROTHY
Huh?
WITCH
I wasn’t always called ‘The Witch’ you know. But you don’t know what my real name is, do you? What’s my name, Dorothy? What’s the Nome King’s name?
DOROTHY
Porcelain lamb, there, that could be it. Ev!
(silence)
One more to go.
WITCH
This is useless.
DOROTHY
And your lectures aren’t helping. Does it matter that I don’t know your name?
WITCH
It makes your ability to paint me with one broad stroke easier. Because giving me a name gives you something to care about. Same reason you call Ozma ‘Princess’ — use her real name and you might have to care.
DOROTHY
So what is your name then?
WITCH
It doesn’t really matter.
(pause)
You could call me Mistress. Mistress West.
DOROTHY
Oh please…
WITCH
Bit of a mouthful though. Miss West? Can you say ‘Miss West’?
DOROTHY
Now you’re being silly.
WITCH
And you’re being obtuse.
DOROTHY
I know Ozma’s name.
WITCH
And yet you’re treating her like a villain as much as the Nome King and I.
DOROTHY
I don’t treat her like a villain.
WITCH
You’ve taken every opportunity to blame her for everything that went wrong since we started.
INT. NOME KING’S THRONE ROOM
The Nome King and Kaliko are listening in to Dorothy’s discussion in the background.
KALIKO
What is she doing, your Highness?
NOME KING
She’s… I think she’s talking to herself!
INT. ORNAMENT CHAMBER
Continuing the previous scene.
DOROTHY
Are we done with the lecture yet?
WITCH
I have a point, and you know it. And I’m in your head, so I know it’s all misplaced anger about what’s going on back in Kansas. You see Ozma as a rival, taking your place in Oz with all your little friends. So you’re painting her with broad strokes of a villain. Except she’s not the villain, she’s just like you. A scared girl, far away from home.
DOROTHY
Are you done yet?
WITCH
The question is, are you? Yes, you’re playing nice, but are you past it yet? Because until you and Ozma can work together, you’re never getting out of this mess.
DOROTHY
I don’t know if that matters now. One more choice to make.
WITCH
Closing your eyes. That’s mature.
DOROTHY
I’m picking something at random. Because why not.
WITCH
Why not indeed.
Dorothy slaps her hand on a table, hard.
DOROTHY
Ready?
WITCH
As I’ll ever be.
DOROTHY
Ev!
INT. CAVERN
The Nome King giggles excitedly.
SCARECROW
What is it? What’s happened?
NOME KING
Well it took her long enough, but I believe your little friend finally made her third choice.
OZMA
And now she’s gone?
NOME KING
I’ve always wanted some American bric-a-brac in my collection. Tick that one off the bucket list, Kaliko!
SCARECROW
Dorothy, no…
OZMA
It’ll be ok, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
How? How can it be ok?
OZMA
Because it has to be.
SCARECROW
There’s just us left now. You, me and Tik-Tok. I’m never going to see my friends again!
TIK-TOK
You must not lose heart, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
I have lost heart! And courage! And my home too! Without the Tin Woodman and the Lion and now Dorothy….
He breaks down.
NOME KING
Still loving the drama, you guys. You should have come to my mountain sooner, this has been swell! But alas, it is getting late. Perhaps we should call it a day.
TIK-TOK
We should?
NOME KING
Pack it in for the night, pick up fresh and rested in the morning. I mean, I do love my ornaments, but I can wait until tomorrow to get more of them.
OZMA
You just want to prolong our suffering, don’t you.
NOME KING
Oh, how well you’re getting to know me, Ozma of Oz. Kaliko! Show these guests to the sleeping apartments.
KALIKO
Yes, your Majesty.
NOME KING
And be quick about it. I’m feeling dreadfully sleepy myself.
KALIKO
You shouldn’t stay up so late. You’ll be cross as a griffin tomorrow morning.
NOME KING
Watch your mouth, Kaliko, or I’ll make you take a turn in there too.
KALIKO
Come along. This way please.
OZMA
Scarecrow, please have some faith. There’s still three of us to go. We’ve got to have hope.
SCARECROW
How?
OZMA
I don’t know yet. But something has got to happen in our favour soon. Right Tik-Tok?
TIK-TOK
I am afraid the probability of our success at this stage is not high, Princess Ozma.
Kaliko leads them away.
INT. NOME KING’S THRONE ROOM – LATER
OZMA (V.O.)
That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. And deep down I agreed with them both. There was very little hope for us. We’d never find the Queen of Ev or her children. The probability of finding three ornaments out of the thousands in the Nome King’s collection… what had I done? I’d doomed us all.
I wanted to stay strong. Dorothy was gone. The Tin Woodman, the Lion… just me to lead the others, and they needed me to be there. To give them hope. Right up to the bitter end. But how could I?
Of course, by now I’d forgotten about Billina, and stopped wondering where she might have got to. Had I known what she was doing, I might have found that glimmer of hope I was looking for. While we were playing the Nome King’s deadly game, that silly chicken was wandering the tunnels, keeping to the shadows. She’d hidden herself away so nobody realised she was around. So while the Nome King explained his game, she listened in. And while we were led away for one final night of sleep, she stayed in the throne room, brooding behind a pillar, completely unnoticed.
BILLINA
(quietly)
No, I don’t like the look of you at all, Mr Nome King. Not one bit. I’ll make sure you bring back my Dorothy if it’s the last —
The door opens and Kaliko enters.
KALIKO
Your Majesty.
NOME KING
Got them all settled in?
KALIKO
Yes. You’re a fool to waste this much time on them you know.
NOME KING
You’re pushing your limits, Kaliko. How dare you call me a fool?
KALIKO
Because I always speak the truth to you, sire, that’s what you keep me for. Why didn’t you enchant them all at once instead of one at a time?
NOME KING
Really? Is that even a serious question? This way is more fun! And I tell you, I haven’t had this much fun in ages. Did you see the Scarecrow’s face just then? He was all ‘but… Dorothy!’
KALIKO
You’ve rigged it of course?
NOME KING
No. Why would I do that?
KALIKO
Because what if they found the Queen or her kids by accident?
NOME KING
That’s what makes it fun! The risk, Kaliko! There has to be some stakes for me, you know, otherwise what’s the point? They’ll never get it though.
KALIKO
But what if they crack the code?
NOME KING
Is that likely?
KALIKO
It’s not a hard code to crack. It’s not like there’s a lot of royal purple ornaments in there —
NOME KING
Shhhh! Not so loud. Who knows who might be listening.
KALIKO
Apologies.
(whispering)
What did you turn the Ozians into?
NOME KING
(whispering)
Shh! They’re green. Emerald green.
KALIKO
Cause of the city?
NOME KING
That’s right, that’s right. My little joke!
(he giggles. Then stops)
Ok, enough humour. I must away to bed. Make sure I’m up early in the morning. I’m hoping one of them has a complete breakdown before they go in.
He and Kaliko exit.
BILLINA
Purple and green, eh? Purple and green. I need to tell Ozma!
She scurries out.
INT. TUNNEL
Billina is rushing down the corridor.
OZMA (V.O.)
Armed with her vital information, Billina hurried from the throne room as fast as her little chicken legs could carry her. As she rushed down the stone corridors of the Nome King’s Palace, an obvious truth suddenly became very clear to her.
BILLINA
Where’s Ozma’s guest room? Which way do I go? Oh I knew I should have stuck around for the tour…
OZMA (V.O.)
Billina picked a tunnel at random and made her way through the palace. She had to find us sooner or later, right? I mean, how many rooms could the Nome King have?
KALIKO
Hey!
OZMA (V.O.)
Sadly, she wasn’t going to find out.
KALIKO
Chicken!
BILLINA
Oh crap.
KALIKO
Someone sound the alarm! There’s a chicken in the palace! It’s a chicken!!!!!
Billina runs for her life while Kaliko chases her. After a rush, he catches her, and Billina cries out.
BILLINA
Put me down! Put me down right now!
KALIKO
It is a chicken. An egg-making little chicken. Eggs are poisonous to Nomes you know. Deadly things. So there is only one thing we do to chickens here…
BILLINA
No, stop! Put me down! Put me down! Nooooo!
CLOSING CREDITS