Read the production script for Episode 3 of The Chronicles of Oz: Ozma of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Three
PREVIOUSLY
Recap of the previous episodes.
OPENING CREDITS
EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT
Middle of the rocky Ev mountains. A campfire burns, while Ozma introduces another episode.
OZMA (V.O.)
Once upon a time a Queen called Azkadellia ruled the land of Oz. Her reign was long and glorious. They say she was the first queen of Oz to overtly use her powers to control her people. Sure, all kings and queens have fairy magic, we’re all descendants of Lurline. But Azkadellia was in a league of her own. Her powers were unlimited. She tamed the infamous Winged Monkeys, and bound them to their Golden Cap. She used their power to conquer the Winkie wastelands and subdue its people. She had the strength to master the Munchkins and bend them to her will. She also was the first to build a palace in the absolute centre of Oz. Emerald was her favourite colour. And she ensured her realm reflected that.
Of course, some say she wasn’t a true Queen of Oz. That her power came from the spirit of an ancient witch who possessed her as a child. And others say it was really her sister who had the true power. But nobody remembers her sister’s name. Azkadellia was the legend. Through her great power she bent the world to her will, and created Oz as we know it today, with her at its centre. She was the most powerful queen Oz has ever known.
LION
(terrified)
And what are you going to do, Princess Ozma?
BOOM — straight into the action. A dozen clockwork robots — GROMMETIKS — are attacking the campsite. Ozma, Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, the Lion and Billina are running scared.
SCARECROW
Let go of me! Let go you brute! Tin Woodman, help!
TIN WOODMAN
(squeaking heavily)
Scarecrow I… I can’t move. I’m rusting! Holy Lurline I can’t move!
LION
I’m coming, Scarecrow! Let him go!
The Lion roars dramatically.
GROMMETIK
(whirring in response)
Additional orders received. This creature is also a specimen. Retrieve.
LION
Wait, what?
Grommetiks start circling the Lion.
LION (cont’d)
No, get off! Stop that.
DOROTHY
(marching across)
Oh you want something done right, get a farm girl to do it. Hey, pick on someone your own size, you little robots!
LION
Look out Dorothy, there’s one —
THWACK — another one behind her hits her in the head, and she falls. Hard.
LION (cont’d)
— behind you.
BILLINA
Dorothy!
OZMA
Shh, Billina!
BILLINA
She’s not moving, Ozma, we have to —
OZMA
(whispering)
Shut up! Don’t let them hear you talking!
LION
Dorothy, can you hear me! Wake up, you — oi! Let go of me you —
SCARECROW
Lion! Help me, it’s dragging me away.
The Lion roars, then stops as the Grommetik knocks him out.
GROMMETIK
Specimens have been deactivated. Return to laboratory!
They start off again, taking the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow and the Lion with them!
SCARECROW
Ozma! Ozma, do something, please! Please!
The Scarecrow’s cries echo into silence.
OZMA (V.O.)
So things got a bit out of control. Let’s rewind to the start of that day, shall we?
EXT. CASTLE EV GATES – DAY
Earlier that morning. People mill about the streets, decidedly less aggravated than when we last saw them.
Ozma marches through the streets towards the Chariot and the Sawhorse, while the Tin Woodman follows with Billina and the Lion.
TIN WOODMAN
Ozma! Slow down!
OZMA
Look! Everyone’s already looking happier! Imagine how happy they’ll be when we get back.
BILLINA
I have little legs, Princess, I can’t walk as fast as you.
OZMA
No time. Need to get moving. If we leave now, we could get to the mountain by nightfall!
LION
You weren’t serious were you? About going to the Nome King?
OZMA
You bet I was. We’ll show up in this very chariot.
(to Sawhorse)
Hello Sawhorse, did you miss us?
The Sawhorse responds.
BILLINA
Do you think you can just go up to the Nome King and demand he give up the Royal Family?
OZMA
I don’t need to demand anything. We’re both adults, we’re both monarchs. We can negotiate this civilly.
TIN WOODMAN
I’m sorry, Ozma, but I agree with the chicken. I’m not sure you realise what you’re trying to do.
OZMA
Of course I do.
LION
Take it from us, we’ve had experience in this sort of thing.
OZMA
Oh. Like Dorothy does, I suppose?
TIN WOODMAN
What’s Dorothy got to do with it?
OZMA
She’s… Look, I’m not completely useless you know. I’m a descendant of Lurline, I’ve got magic — you saw me with the cell door!
BILLINA
Weren’t you trying to unlock it for all of us, not just yourself?
OZMA
Details, Billina.
TIN WOODMAN
I think you’ll find the Nome King more formidable than a door. I’ve heard stories —
OZMA
We’ve all heard stories.
TIN WOODMAN
Then you know what I’m talking about.
OZMA
So you’re saying we should just go home then? Leave the poor queen and her children to their fate?
LION
I heard he lives in a massive underground palace surrounded by a sea of lava.
OZMA
The Scarecrow is going to love that.
TIN WOODMAN
He’s got an army of over a thousand Nomes at his disposal — and he’s got magic too, they say. I bet he can manage a door.
OZMA
(angry)
I managed the door!
(calmer)
Look, it’s not up for discussion. I’m your ruler, I have decided we are going. So we’re going. Sawhorse, are you still hooked up securely?
The Sawhorse responds — yes.
OZMA (cont’d)
Lovely!
TIN WOODMAN
Are we leaving right now, or are we going to wait for the others first?
OZMA
Of course we’re going to wait. And I’m not sure I fancy your tone right now, Tin Woodman.
TIN WOODMAN
No. Funny that.
Awkward pause.
BILLINA
Oh good. Here come the others. That’ll relieve the tension of this very awkward moment.
Dorothy, the Scarecrow and Tik-Tok approach.
DOROTHY
So you gave up the throne just like that?
SCARECROW
No, not just like that. It took an awful lot of thought. And a big flying couch adventure thing too — you’d have loved it.
DOROTHY
But Glinda was the one who said you should be King! How can she change her mind six months later?
SCARECROW
Well I was pretty bad at it, and besides we found Ozma.
DOROTHY
Hah. I don’t see her as much of an improvement on —
(she sees Ozma)
Oh.
OZMA
Hi.
DOROTHY
Sorry, I didn’t see you.
OZMA
I noticed. Tik-Tok, are we right to leave?
TIK-TOK
We are, your Highness. I have spoken with Nanda, and she has asked me to say she wishes us all the best of luck for our journey.
OZMA
Good. From what everyone’s saying, I think we’ll need it.
SCARECROW
Yeah, about that. I’m not sure if going to confront the Nome King is the best idea you’ve ever —
OZMA
Oh Scarecrow, I’m not arguing this anymore. Get on the chariot.
SCARECROW
Yes ma’am.
He starts to climb up.
OZMA
Come on, everyone. We’ve got a mountain to climb.
DOROTHY
What kind of a horse is that? I’ve never seen a horse like that before!
OZMA
It’s the Sawhorse!
DOROTHY
It sure is.
OZMA
I made it. Sorta. It was Tip’s idea, but I’m Tip so —
DOROTHY
Yeah, Scarecrow mentioned something about that. You used to be a boy?
OZMA
Well…
TIN WOODMAN
(shouting from the carriage)
It’s complicated!
OZMA
We’ll have plenty of time to discuss it on the way to the Nome King’s mountain.
WITCH
Oh won’t that be fun.
DOROTHY
Shh!
OZMA
What?
DOROTHY
Nothing. Ah, Princess, you get yourself seated, I just need to tie my shoelace first.
OZMA
Right… Don’t be too long.
She climbs up onto the chariot. Dorothy talks to the Witch in a hushed whisper.
DOROTHY
Do you have to do that when I’m around people?
WITCH
Why? It’s not like they can hear me, I’m in your head, Miss Gale.
DOROTHY
And you can cut that out too.
WITCH
Fine. Dorothy. Ugh. Even your name is saccharine.
DOROTHY
Just you keep quiet while I’m around people, it’s distracting.
WITCH
Sure, I’ll get right on that. But they’re wrong you know, the Ozma-slash-Tip thing isn’t complicated at all.
DOROTHY
I don’t care.
WITCH
You see, my old friend Mombi did a spell on the baby Ozma, turned her into a boy and in the process made a completely new personality —
DOROTHY
(too loud)
I don’t care!
TIN WOODMAN
Dorothy, are you ok?
DOROTHY
(shouting)
Just a second!
(hushed)
If you don’t keep quiet then I’m going to —
WITCH
Going to what? If I have to spend my afterlife trapped as a spectre in your head, Miss Gale, then I’m making sure you’re in as much hell as I am.
DOROTHY
I’m warning you —
OZMA
Dorothy, hurry up!
DOROTHY
(shouting)
Coming.
She climbs up onto the chariot.
SCARECROW
It’s ok, Dorothy, I have troubles tying my shoes too.
WITCH
I really believe that.
BILLINA
You don’t wear shoes.
SCARECROW
No, but if I did —
OZMA
We’re all aboard? Excellent! Sawhorse, take us out!
The Sawhorse whinnies and races away, dragging the chariot behind it.
DOROTHY
Seatbelts! This thing needs seatbelts!!!!
EXT. CHARIOT
The Chariot speeds along through the rocky mountains this time, as always dragged by the Sawhorse. Ozma, Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodman, Lion, Billina, and Tik-Tok are all present. Don’t ask me how we’re fitting all this in the studio.
OZMA (V.O.)
At last we were off! The desert was long behind us as the Sawhorse took us up into the mountains of Ev. We were surrounded by rocks and boulders and sparse vegetation, as Tik-Tok navigated us closer and closer to the Nome King’s mountain. As we travelled, Tik-Tok brought us all up to date on what had happened in the land of Ev to get it how it was now — and what had happened to poor King Evoldo.
TIK-TOK
It was never a secret that the King of Ev was unwell. Since he first came to power he often made unusual choices, and was prone to acting without taking proper thought.
BILLINA
Like uncle like niece, eh?
TIK-TOK
He once held a party for all the nobles of Ev. Which in itself was no bad thing. But early in the evening, he had forgotten he had invited them, and became convinced they were his enemies.
We hear King Evoldo’s voice — echoey, dreamy, as if from a memory.
KING EVOLDO
(manic)
No! No, you’re all spies from Ix! You’re all here to destroy me! Guards! Guards, lock them away! Lock them away and throw away the key! Do it! Now!
TIK-TOK
His episodes never lasted long, and the nobles were free again in the morning. But these incidents would reoccur. Repeatedly.
LION
Well no wonder they won’t tolerate Langwidere.
DOROTHY
How long did he reign for?
TIK-TOK
Twenty-five years.
DOROTHY
And the people put up with it for that long?
OZMA
No. There was his wife, wasn’t there.
TIK-TOK
Correct. The Queen Evella.
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
My husband, shh! You need to calm yourself.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Calm myself?! Calm! How can I be calm, there are spiders in the castle! Spiders!
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
No, husband, no. Look at me. Look in my eyes. Take a breath with me. And out. And again, in, and out…
BILLINA
Evoldo and Evella? You’re making these names up!
TIK-TOK
Together they had two children. Prince Evring, next in line for the throne, and his sister Princess Evanna.
BILLINA
No, you’re really making this up. Nobody has names that stupid.
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t they, Billina?
TIK-TOK
The Queen provided a stabilising influence on the King. While legally he ruled the country, it was the Queen keeping everything running smoothly.
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
Nanda, arrange for this document to go to the council, tell them the King has ratified it.
NANDA
(flashback)
He has, my Lady?
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
As far as the country is concerned he has. Don’t give me that look. This law will allow us to rebuild the bridge to the northern province, so the trade wagons can travel through again.
TIK-TOK
It was Queen Evella who authorised my own creation.
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
Mr Smith, Mr Tinker. News of your skills in building mechanical wonders out of clockwork has reached even Castle Ev. I charge you with the job of creating for me a servant. Someone who will not need to be fed, not need to be paid, with sufficient strength and skill to protect humans. It should do everything but live. That way we can free up some of our servants to perform tasks more worthy of them. I imagine you can produce us a prototype?
TIK-TOK
And I was pleased to serve the royal family. But unfortunately, even the Queen’s influence was not always enough. Especially when he met with the Nome King.
NOME KING
(flashback)
Please. Call me Roquat.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
They say you can do anything, is that true?
NOME KING
(flashback)
Well, I do have my own special skill, that’s true. You don’t get to rule the Underground without some talent.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Is there anything you can’t do?
NOME KING
(flashback)
What did you have in mind?
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
I want to live forever. Is that… is that possible?
NOME KING
(flashback)
I don’t see why not.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Oh, then please! Grant me immortality!
NOME KING
(flashback)
Ah-ha. Not so fast, king. In this land, everyone must pay for what they get. If you wish me to use my great power, then you must give me something in return.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Anything! Simply name it!
NOME KING
(flashback)
What do you value most, in your whole realm?
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Well that’s easy. That’s my family.
NOME KING
(flashback)
Then that is my price.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Oh.
The children start crying within the memory.
PRINCESS EVANNA
(flashback)
Daddy? Where are we going? Where are they taking us?
PRINCE EVRING
(flashback)
No, tell them to let us go, father!
QUEEN EVELLA
(flashback)
Evoldo, no! No! Don’t let the Nomes take us away! Please, my love, please! Please!
PRINCESS EVANNA
(flashback)
Daddy! Daddy!!!!!
We hear the children crying and Nomes chuckling as they’re carried away.
DOROTHY
He sold his family?!
SCARECROW
I guess he really was sick.
TIN WOODMAN
That’s one word for it.
LION
He didn’t even get his immortality either, did he. Cause he’s dead now.
TIK-TOK
The King was indeed not in his right mind when he made the deal, and when he had come to his senses it was too late. And pleading with the Nome King was futile.
NOME KING
(flashback)
You signed a contract, Evoldo. You should know better than to sign things if you don’t really mean them.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Please, I must have my family —
NOME KING
(flashback)
They’re not your family anymore, they’re mine to do with as I wish. Enjoy your long life, King of Ev.
TIK-TOK
The King was distraught, and he had no will to enjoy his life. His illness took hold and he locked me away in a cell in the mountains, as he could not bear the sight of something that originated from his wife.
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
I’m sorry, Tik-Tok. It’s not about you. It’s about Evella. If she can’t have you, then nobody can have you.
We hear the cave door shut and lock.
TIK-TOK
I understand the king then threw the key to my cell into the ocean.
BILLINA
Then I found it washed up on the beach.
TIK-TOK
And soon after, the King threw himself into the sea, ending his sorry life.
NANDA
(flashback — to episode 1)
Have you no concern for your people, my lord?
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
How can I have any concern for my people when I had none for my family? Huh? Goodbye, Nanda.
NANDA
(flashback)
My Lord, stop, I’m begging you, don’t do this!
KING EVOLDO
(flashback)
Pray for my soul. For I am certain it is destined for eternal damnation!
NANDA
(flashback)
My lord! My lord, no!!!!
The memory fades away.
TIN WOODMAN
And we all know the rest.
OZMA
Well there we are then. That’s how we’ll get them back.
SCARECROW
How?
OZMA
The Nome King promised Evoldo he’d live a long life. But he’s dead — he didn’t get what he paid for. Which means the Nome King will have to give the Queen and her children back.
DOROTHY
You’re really a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?
OZMA
Excuse me?
DOROTHY
This Nome King isn’t going to just give up his prisoners because of a technicality in the contract. What incentive would he have?
OZMA
I prefer to see the positive sides of human nature.
DOROTHY
Oh, you’re that kind of stupid then.
TIN WOODMAN
Dorothy!
DOROTHY
Do you think if I’d been that optimistic I’d have survived the Wicked Witch of the West? Or the Wizard for that matter?
OZMA
I’d rather expect the best of people than the worst.
DOROTHY
And I’d rather go into a situation with a better plan than asking nicely.
SCARECROW
Ooh! You have a better plan, don’t you Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Well I didn’t say that —
OZMA
Then shut up then.
BILLINA
Stop! Stop!
LION
I know, their arguing is giving me a headache too.
BILLINA
No, stop the chariot! Stop!
OZMA
Sawhorse, whoah!
The Sawhorse grinds to a halt. Everyone cries out as they’re thrown about.
DOROTHY
Princess, next chariot you get, consider shock absorbers. Just a thought.
TIK-TOK
Why have we stopped, Mrs Hen?
BILLINA
I won’t be a minute.
She hops out of the chariot.
EXT. IRON GIANT PATH
Rocky area, middle of the day. Billina toddles away from the chariot while everyone disembarks.
TIN WOODMAN
Won’t be minute doing what?
DOROTHY
Billina?
BILLINA
Just give me a sec.
She waddles off into the distance.
DOROTHY
Oh Billina…
SCARECROW
What’s she doing?
DOROTHY
Laying her egg.
TIN WOODMAN
I beg your pardon?
DOROTHY
She does it every morning.
OZMA
Billina, we haven’t got time for this!
TIN WOODMAN
Does she think we’re just going to sit around while she lays an egg?
DOROTHY
Well what else can we do? It’s her habit and she can’t break herself of it.
TIN WOODMAN
Can she at least hurry it up?
SCARECROW
No! If she hurries she might lay scrambled eggs!
TIN WOODMAN
(sarcastic)
Really?
DOROTHY
I’m sure she won’t be long. Anyway, we’re all due a break.
OZMA
And it’s probably a good idea to size up this path ahead of us.
TIN WOODMAN
What about it?
OZMA
Well, the mountains either side squeeze it fairly narrow — I hope we’ll fit.
TIK-TOK
I shall investigate closer.
He stomps off towards the valley.
SCARECROW
It’s nothing like the paths we followed in the old days, that’s for sure. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.
DOROTHY
How long have you been waiting to use that line?
SCARECROW
I don’t know what you mean.
DOROTHY
Sure you don’t.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s narrow, but we should be ok, provided we take it slowly.
LION
I don’t think the Sawhorse can do slowly.
BILLINA
(far away)
I’m finished.
TIN WOODMAN
About time!
Billina waddles back.
BILLINA
Is nobody going to get my egg?
DOROTHY
You’re pushing your luck, Billina.
BILLINA
It’ll just go to waste.
SCARECROW
I’ll get it!
He scampers off to check it out.
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, come on, we —
A sudden crash is heard from the direction of the path.
OZMA
Tik-Tok?
TIK-TOK
(returning)
I am all right. I am all right.
OZMA
What’s going on Tik-Tok?
TIK-TOK
I appear to have activated some machinery by walking too close to it.
SCARECROW
(returning)
I’ve got the egg! I’ll just keep it here in my hat and… what are you all staring at?
OZMA (V.O.)
It was a Giant, built out of plates of cast-iron. And when I say giant, I mean gigantic — it had one foot either side of the narrow road and stomped its way along the path. Over its shoulder it held an huge iron hammer.
SCARECROW
Relative of yours?
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up.
TIK-TOK
It is a relative of mine. The Iron Giant was made for the Nome King by Smith and Tinker, who also made me.
OZMA
The Nome King? So we’re on the right path then?
TIK-TOK
Correct. It was created to prevent people from finding the way to his mountain.
LION
H-H-How does it do that? Dare I ask?
OZMA (V.O.)
The Lion got his answer. The Iron Giant took his giant hammer and slammed it into the ground in front of it, blocking the road completely. Then it lifted the hammer and smashed the path again. And again.
The Giant slams the hammer on the ground.
TIK-TOK
It works as steadily as a clock.
DOROTHY
Can it think and speak like you do?
TIK-TOK
No. He is only made to pound the road, and has no thinking or speaking mechanisms. But he does pound the road very well.
SCARECROW
Too well. He’s stopping us from getting through.
BILLINA
Any way that we can shut him off?
TIN WOODMAN
Shut down the mechanism?
TIK-TOK
Only the Nome King will have his key.
DOROTHY
Right. Well this is getting us nowhere.
SCARECROW
I have an idea.
TIN WOODMAN
Uh oh.
SCARECROW
Shut up.
TIK-TOK
We cannot go around the mountains, there are no other paths to the Nome King’s realm.
SCARECROW
Oh. Ok, give me a minute, I’ll think of another idea.
OZMA
We don’t have time. The Queen of Ev is counting on us.
DOROTHY
The Queen has been kidnapped for some time now, I think she can wait for us to get there safely, don’t you?
OZMA
What if we all run through really fast, under the hammer? While he’s got it up in the air.
SCARECROW
Wait, what?
LION
Are you crazy? It’ll squash us flat!
OZMA
Not if we’re quick.
BILLINA
You might have noticed I have rather little legs.
OZMA
The Sawhorse is fast enough — it could drag us in the chariot and out the other side, if he times it right.
TIN WOODMAN
I’m not about to rely on the timing of a creature with wood for brains!
DOROTHY
Princess, I’m all for danger as anyone, but —
OZMA
Has anyone got any better ideas?
LION
We go back.
OZMA
Besides that one.
SCARECROW
Well, maybe if we think for a bit, investigate the giant, we might find a mechanism to —
OZMA
We can’t wait around for that. Come on, everyone back into the chariot. Unless you want to try getting through on your own, in which case, feel free. How fast can you run?
They all climb in, grumbling. Ozma takes the reins.
OZMA (cont’d)
Is everyone holding tight?
Everyone murmurs a yes.
OZMA (cont’d)
Come on guys, some enthusiasm please!
DOROTHY
How about telling you you’re insane and going to get us all killed, does that work for you?
OZMA
You ran away from Kalidahs across a tree over a cliff, didn’t you? How is this any different?
DOROTHY
We didn’t have any other option!
OZMA
Same thing here.
DOROTHY
Princess, for God’s sake —
OZMA
Sawhorse, get ready to go on my mark. Wait for it… wait for it…
The Giant thumps down hard on the ground.
OZMA (cont’d)
Run Sawhorse, run!
The horse whinnies and takes off as the Giant continues its cycle.
OZMA (V.O.)
The Sawhorse did what it had done for all of its short life — ran at whatever it was going towards at top speed, dragging us behind it. And like the immovable clockwork monster that it was, the Iron Giant continued to lift its hammer into the sky. I couldn’t help but laugh — it was going to work! The Sawhorse was going to get us well past the giant before its hammer came crashing down again.
I didn’t count upon the Sawhorse being a great big fraidy-cat. In its day, it had raced through armies of violent Munchkins, but a giant robot with a thumping hammer of doom was a step too far. As the Sawhorse got closer to the Giant, it reared and tried to circle back around again.
The Sawhorse whinnies in terror.
SCARECROW
Oh no!
OZMA
(yelling)
No! Keep going forward! Forward! Stupid horse, keep going or you’ll die!
OZMA (V.O.)
But the Sawhorse had come too far, and the turning circle was too tight, it couldn’t retreat. The only safe way was to go straight ahead, but he was too scared for that. And the hammer was starting its descent.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s coming down! It’s going to crush us!
DOROTHY
Everyone out! Now! Jump!
The party yelps and jumps out of the chariot. The Hammer comes crashing down hard, smashing wood and everything. The Sawhorse whinnies in pain and is silenced.
OZMA (V.O.)
It missed us — just. But the Iron Giant was already going for its second blow.
They all start speaking rapid fire, over each other.
LION
Dorothy, climb on my back. You too Ozma, quickly!
DOROTHY
I have to get Billina!
BILLINA
Yeah you do!
TIN WOODMAN
Get up, Scarecrow, we have to run!
SCARECROW
It squashed my foot!
TIN WOODMAN
I’m carrying you then!
Ozma and Dorothy rush away with the Lion, while the Tin Woodman drags the Scarecrow out of the way of the Hammer. It comes down again with another crash of wood. Then is silent.
OZMA
It stopped.
TIK-TOK
There is nobody left on the other side to activate it. Is anybody hurt?
SCARECROW
No, except for my foot.
TIN WOODMAN
We can push that back into shape easy enough.
LION
Are you girls all right?
BILLINA
A bit ruffled, but I’m in one piece.
DOROTHY
It was a close one. Ozma? Are you ok?
(pause)
Ozma?
OZMA
The Sawhorse. He’s… he’s gone…
INT. THRONE ROOM
Ozma is talking to Omby Amby and Jack Pumpkinhead over a communicator.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
You killed our Sawhorse?
OZMA
(communicator)
Yes, Jack. He… he got crushed.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
No! Not my Sawhorse! No!
OMBY AMBY
Jack, get a hold of yourself.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(Overly dramatic)
WHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
OMBY AMBY
Shut up.
OZMA
It wasn’t intentional, Jack, I promise. I know that silly thing meant a lot to you.
OMBY AMBY
Are you ok though, your Highness?
OZMA
A bit bruised, but I’m fine. We’re without a chariot though. It’ll make going forward slower.
OMBY AMBY
Perhaps it’s time you considered returning then?
OZMA
Oh don’t you start, Omby. Why does nobody get it — the royal family of Ev is in danger!
OMBY AMBY
I understand that, your Highness, but I’m concerned for your own well being. Your safety has to come above the Queen of Ev.
OZMA
And why’s that? What makes me more important than her?
OMBY AMBY
Well, she has a successor to rule her kingdom, whereas if anything happens to you then Oz will be leaderless. Which has not gone unnoticed.
OZMA
Omby —
OMBY AMBY
The High Priestess was here earlier, asking why we authorised a foreign trip with no line of succession in place.
OZMA
I really can’t be bothered with the Temple of Lurline.
OMBY AMBY
You should be bothered, they’re making quite a noise —
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Dad, what if we got you some more Powder of Life, maybe then you could bring the Sawhorse back to life?
OZMA
Jack, the Sawhorse is gone.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Noooooo!!!
OMBY AMBY
And I’m concerned you’ll go the same way.
OZMA
I’ve still got the others to protect me. Oh, and Dorothy’s here too!
OMBY AMBY
Dorothy? That Dorothy?
OZMA
Yes, that Dorothy. She’s shorter in person.
OMBY AMBY
Be wary around her, my Lady.
OZMA
Why? She’s not dangerous.
OMBY AMBY
Isn’t she? Remember, the last ruler of Oz she met abandoned the throne the same day. And that’s nothing compared to what happened to the witches —
OZMA
She’s annoying and pushy, but I don’t think she’s dangerous as such. We’re setting up camp here since it’s getting dark, then keep going at first light.
OMBY AMBY
Can I recommend that you return to Oz?
OZMA
No.
OMBY AMBY
You will have more success in this venture if you have more support. There’s only a few of you to go up against the Nome King, even if one of them is Dorothy. Come back to the Emerald City, I could arrange an army of generals to escort —
OZMA
That’s going to be totally unnecessary, Omby. Look, I’d better get back to them. I’ll keep you updated on our progress.
OMBY AMBY
I wish you luck, your Highness.
OZMA
Thank you.
The communicator hangs up.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Do you think my Dad is going to be ok, Mr Amby?
OMBY AMBY
I sure hope so. I hate to think what will happen to Oz if our only ruler is killed on some foolish mission to the Nome King.
EXT. MOUNTAIN PATH
Dorothy and the Scarecrow are walking and talking, picking up kindling.
DOROTHY
She nearly got us all killed, Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
I’m sure she didn’t mean to. Ooh! There’s another stick!
He scurries to pick it up.
DOROTHY
I’m sure she didn’t either, that’s half the problem.
SCARECROW
How many more sticks will the Tin Woodman need to make a fire?
DOROTHY
Probably not much more than what you’ve got there. Is there something wrong with her?
SCARECROW
Who?
DOROTHY
Ozma! Seriously, is there something deficient in her brain that makes her like this?
SCARECROW
I don’t think so.
DOROTHY
We were lucky to get past that hammer thing in as good a shape as we did.
SCARECROW
Poor old Sawhorse. Ooh, another stick…
DOROTHY
Is she always like this? So eager to get into danger, regardless of the risk?
SCARECROW
I think she might be trying to impress… Well she’s trying to be impressive.
DOROTHY
She’s definitely making an impression — not a good one though. I don’t think we can keep following her, Scarecrow. I think if we keep going we’ll all end up dead. Or worse.
SCARECROW
Hmm.
DOROTHY
What?
SCARECROW
Oh nothing.
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, you don’t get to go ‘hmm’ and then go ‘oh nothing’, spit it out.
SCARECROW
Well… do you remember last time you were here. When we were in the Emerald City?
DOROTHY
Which time?
SCARECROW
The first time. The Wizard had told us to kill the Wicked Witch of the West, and everyone was being ‘this is too much, we’re going home’.
DOROTHY
Yeah…
SCARECROW
And you were all… well you remember.
DOROTHY
Spell it out for me.
SCARECROW
No.
DOROTHY
Huh?
SCARECROW
You have your scary ‘I’m gonna rip your balls off’ face on, so I’m just going to stop talking.
DOROTHY
You’re saying Ozma’s just like me? She’s as eager to face the Nome King like I was with the Witch?
SCARECROW
Well I didn’t say that…
DOROTHY
You’re crazy! This is totally different! I didn’t have a choice. Ozma totally could have listened to us and tried something else.
SCARECROW
Perhaps. I’m not seeing much difference. You and Ozma are kinda the same, you know. Same age, attitude.
DOROTHY
That’s just rude.
SCARECROW
Same inability to accept the world as it is, you have to fix it. You could be each others mirror images you know.
He walks off.
DOROTHY
Hey! Hey, you come back here and say that to my face you overstuffed simpleton!
We switch perspective to further away, where two Grommetiks are watching the two walk away.
DOROTHY (cont’d)
Just because you’ve got a brain now doesn’t mean you know everything.
SCARECROW
Just because you can’t handle the truth, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
I’ll handle you in a minute…
GROMMETIK
Unusual specimen identified. Translating data to Nikidik and awaiting further instructions.
The Grommetik’s clockwork starts whirring.
EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT
Some time later. A campfire burns while Ozma, Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, the Lion, Tik-Tok and Billina are seated. It’s awkwardly silent.
OZMA
(hesitantly)
It gets dark quickly in the mountains, doesn’t it? Look at all those stars…
BILLINA
You don’t get stars like that back home, do you Dorothy?
DOROTHY
That’s true.
Pause. More awkward.
OZMA
I’m… I was talking to Jack earlier, telling him about the Sawhorse. He was devastated, poor thing.
TIN WOODMAN
That doesn’t surprise me.
OZMA
We should honour him, when we get home. The Sawhorse, I mean. His sacrifice for the good of all of us and —
LION
If we ever do get home.
OZMA
What do you mean? Of course we’ll get home.
LION
You don’t know that. None of us do. Why don’t you realise, the Nome King is dangerous!
OZMA
Oh Lion. You don’t have to be afraid of him, I’m sure he’s fine.
DOROTHY
But that’s just it — from what we all know of this Nome King, he’s not going to be fine.
SCARECROW
He’s not a nice Monarch, Ozma. He makes Langwidere look sane by comparison.
OZMA
How? None of us actually know the Nome King, how do we know he —
DOROTHY
He kidnapped the Queen of Ev and her children!
OZMA
Not kidnapped technically —
DOROTHY
Ok, so he asked for them in payment. That doesn’t make him much better!
TIN WOODMAN
There’s other stuff he’s done too. According to Tik-Tok —
TIK-TOK
The Nomes have been an enemy of the people of Ev for generations. There are numerous instances in Evian history where he has sent his army to the borders only to be repelled.
SCARECROW
And he’s got powerful magic too. I’m sure I remember him on the list of big threats to Oz we had to be scared of. If it wasn’t for the Deadly Desert —
BILLINA
And Tik-Tok says he doesn’t like eggs either, which means I wouldn’t be too welcome in those parts.
TIN WOODMAN
The point is, he’s a formidable enemy. Worse than anyone else we’ve been up against.
OZMA
Right… but isn’t that what we do? Fight bad guys?
LION
It’s not what you do, you’re meant to be a queen.
OZMA
Not yet I’m not.
LION
Princess then.
OZMA
And like any princess, it’s my duty to help my fellow monarchs, no matter what danger.
LION
I think there’s been more than enough danger already.
OZMA
Now that’s just negative thinking —
DOROTHY
Oh, Princess, wake up! This is serious!
SCARECROW
We lost the Sawhorse, Ozma. Who else are we going to lose?
OZMA
I… well… well what else is there? We leave the poor Queen and her children to their fate? And Langwidere? The people of Ev are going to execute her, remember? We need to establish a new government —
DOROTHY
And I’m saying the evidence points to that being suicide. You’re not an idiot, use your brain! We can’t keep going.
OZMA
(angry)
Really? Use my brain? That’s rich, since it’s obvious you think you’re smarter than I am.
DOROTHY
I never said that —
OZMA
I’m not without skills myself you know! I’m a descendant of Lurline, I can —
DOROTHY
You can make a door go fuzzy, I remember.
LION
We know you have powers, but it doesn’t compare to what the Nome King can do, Ozma.
OZMA
So none of you have faith in me, is that right?
TIN WOODMAN
Yes, that’s right.
SCARECROW
Tin Woodman!
TIN WOODMAN
If she’s going to start jumping to conclusions, I’m going to let her. No, Ozma, I don’t have faith that your limited fairy magic is any use against the powers at the Nome King’s command. You have no basis under which to negotiate with him, he’ll swat you like a fly.
OZMA
I’m still your ruler, Tin Woodman.
TIN WOODMAN
You won’t be if you keep on this track. I say we go back to Ev, then find a way back across the Deadly Desert now that the magic chariot is destroyed. Then later, if necessary, return with the force of the Emerald City behind us.
OZMA
Well you can go back if you like. I, for one, am going on.
LION
Ozma —
OZMA
Alone if needs be.
SCARECROW
What did I tell you, Dorothy? Sound familiar?
DOROTHY
Shut up, Scarecrow.
BILLINA
Shh. Do you hear that?
OZMA
I will not leave the Queen of Ev to her fate, I just can’t!
DOROTHY
Nobody’s saying we’re leaving her —
BILLINA
Guys, shut up.
DOROTHY
I’m trying to make a point, Billina!
BILLINA
So am I! I thought I heard something.
TIK-TOK
Mrs Hen is quite correct. There was a disturbance in the rocks.
SCARECROW
Disturbance?
LION
I don’t like the idea of disturbances. I think I’m pretty sufficiently disturbed as it is.
OZMA
Should we… see what it is?
Everyone tells her no, emphatically. ‘Are you serious?’ ‘that’s crazy, Ozma, not a chance’ and so on.
OZMA (cont’d)
And what if it’s someone who needs help and shelter?
DOROTHY
This far away from civilisation, it definitely won’t be that.
TIK-TOK
I will investigate further.
TIN WOODMAN
Is that wise, Tik-Tok? We don’t know what it could be.
TIK-TOK
For your own safety, you should all stay here while I am gone.
Tik-Tok stomps off.
BILLINA
I hope he’ll be all right.
DOROTHY
We saw him pick apart the Wheelers, remember. Tik-Tok can take care of himself.
TIN WOODMAN
Excuse me, I took apart the Wheelers too you know.
DOROTHY
Yeah, you’re plenty butch too, don’t worry.
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t you forget it.
LION
Maybe this is a sign we should all head back to Oz? It’s dark and it’s dangerous —
OZMA
I’m not going over this again, Lion.
DOROTHY
We just want to have a discussion about —
THUMP! With a bash of metal on metal, the Tin Woodman is attacked by a Grommetik.
TIN WOODMAN
What the hell?
SCARECROW
Tin Woodman! Behind you!
GROMMETIK
Retrieve the specimens!
DOROTHY
Oh my God, what is it?
TIN WOODMAN
Stay back, it’s armed.
OZMA
Look out, there’s more of them!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, look out!
SCARECROW
What? Aghhghg!
OZMA (V.O.)
From out of the darkness they came, little clockwork creatures made of copper rolling about on wheels. There were about a dozen of them, with mechanical pincers for hands and creepy, electric voices.
TIN WOODMAN
Lemme get my axe —
GROMMETIK
Scanning for weaknesses.
(whirr whirr)
Specimen is predominately tin and susceptible to liquid. Administrate!
The Grommetik sprays the Tin Woodman with water.
TIN WOODMAN
Huh? Ugh! Stop it, get off you little metal monsters. It’s sprayed me with water!
GROMMETIK
Retrieve the specimens!
LION
(terrified)
What are you going to do, Princess Ozma?
SCARECROW
Let go of me! Let go you brute! Tin Woodman, help!
TIN WOODMAN
(squeaking heavily)
Scarecrow I… I can’t move. I’m rusting! Holy Lurline I can’t move!
LION
I’m coming, Scarecrow!
OZMA (V.O.)
One little metal machine had already incapacitated the Tin Woodman and was dragging him away. Another had locked a pincer around the Scarecrow’s arm and was doing its best to take him with it.
LION
Let him go!
The Lion roars dramatically.
GROMMETIK
(whirring in response)
Additional orders received. This creature is also a specimen. Retrieve.
LION
Wait, what?
Grommetiks start circling the Lion.
LION (cont’d)
No, get off! Stop that.
DOROTHY
(marching across)
Oh you want something done right, get a farm girl to do it. Hey, pick on someone your own size, you little robots!
LION
Look out Dorothy, there’s one —
THWACK – another one behind her hits her in the head, and she falls. Hard.
LION (cont’d)
— behind you.
BILLINA
Dorothy!
OZMA
Shh, Billina!
BILLINA
She’s not moving, Ozma, we have to —
OZMA
(whispering)
Shut up! Don’t let them hear you!
LION
Dorothy, can you hear me! Wake up, you — oi! Let go of me you…
SCARECROW
Lion! Help me, it’s dragging me away.
The Lion roars, then stops as the Grommetik knocks him out.
GROMMETIK
Specimens have been deactivated. Return to laboratory!
They start off again, taking the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow and the Lion with them!
SCARECROW
Ozma! Ozma, do something, please! Please!
OZMA
I … we’ll rescue you! I promise, Scarecrow, we’ll come for you!
SCARECROW
Ozma! Ozma!
He fades into the distance.
BILLINA
You did nothing!
OZMA
I…
BILLINA
Those things marched straight into our camp and took our friends and hurt Dorothy and you just stood there and did nothing! What sort of Fairy Princess are you?
INT. LABORATORY
Dr Nikidik’s laboratory. Various potions bubble and machinery whirs quietly — the space has a very Victorian scientist feel. Think Dr Frankenstein.
OZMA (V.O.)
I wanted to tell Billina that there was nothing I could do. That it had all happened so fast, they were too strong. That if she had kept yelling they’d have realised she could talk as well, and would have taken her like they did the Lion. That they’d already hurt Dorothy, and I didn’t want them to hurt us too. But I knew the real reason. Even if I didn’t want to say it out loud, I knew. I was too scared.
And it was because of my fear that Dorothy was now unconscious, and my other friends were taken far away. To a strange room, full of equipment, devices and instruments nobody in Oz had ever seen before. It was what Dorothy would have called a laboratory. And it was in here that the Lion finally awoke.
Chained to the wall are the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman. The Lion has a chain on his neck and is tied up, asleep.
LION
(waking up)
W… wh… what… puddem up, put em up…
TIN WOODMAN
Well he’s awake.
SCARECROW
Lion, are you ok?
LION
Where am I? What happened?
TIN WOODMAN
You got hit on the head, that’s what happened.
LION
That would explain the headache… Where in Lurline’s name are —
(he moves and the chain yanks him back)
Ugh!
SCARECROW
Yeah. You’re chained to the wall. Like us!
LION
Why are we chained up?
TIN WOODMAN
Isn’t it obvious? We’ve been kidnapped.
LION
Right. Kidnapped by who?
SCARECROW
By… by one of those, in the corner!
In the corner a Grommetik whirs into life.
GROMMETIK
Specimens are awake.
It activates and runs away.
TIN WOODMAN
Good one. You scared it off.
SCARECROW
Specimens?
LION
That’s what attacked us?
TIN WOODMAN
Yep.
SCARECROW
Little Tik-Tok clones, I think.
TIN WOODMAN
Oh, you got that too, did you? That they look like Tik-Tok?
SCARECROW
What was the name of that guy who built him? Something and Ticker?
TIN WOODMAN
Smith and Tinker.
SCARECROW
Maybe they made these little guys too?
TIN WOODMAN
I’d really like to meet this Smith and Tinker and give them a piece of my mind.
LION
Why are mini-Tik-Toks kidnapping us? Wait, changed my mind, I don’t care. Why haven’t we escaped yet?
TIN WOODMAN
Because you were unconscious.
SCARECROW
Also we’re chained to the wall.
TIN WOODMAN
Aren’t you supposed to be doing something about that?
SCARECROW
Working on it.
TIN WOODMAN
Work faster.
SCARECROW
Stop pestering me.
LION
I’d forgotten what it was like to be locked up with you two.
(pause)
Strange place they’ve got us.
TIN WOODMAN
I think it’s some sort of… workshop?
LION
For potions?
SCARECROW
Maybe we’ve been captured by a witch?
LION
This place doesn’t feel witchy.
TIN WOODMAN
Agreed.
SCARECROW
It feels science-ey.
TIN WOODMAN
Are you done yet?
SCARECROW
Nearly, just a bit longer.
LION
What is he doing?
SCARECROW
Just… wait… and…. there!
(he pulls his hand from the manacles)
Done!
TIN WOODMAN
Good work!
LION
Wait, you —
SCARECROW
Manacles are great for actual people, but not much use with hands that are stuffed and all squishy.
TIN WOODMAN
Now free us. Quickly.
SCARECROW
(going to the Tin Woodman)
Hold your horses, Tin Woodman, I just got to… hmm. They’re locked.
TIN WOODMAN
Well of course they’re locked! They’re manacles! You’re not going to just push them open. Go find a key!
SCARECROW
Find a key, right! See, sometimes I forget that I’m the one with the brain when you have ideas like —
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
Ok, I’m looking! Geeze…
He starts hunting around the room. From the corridor the ticking of a Grommetik gets closer.
LION
Scarecrow…
SCARECROW
I’m looking, dammit, stop rushing me!
LION
No, I mean I think that thing’s coming back.
TIN WOODMAN
Get back in your manacles.
SCARECROW
Oh, right, I’ll just…
He rushes back and picks up the manacles as DR NIKIDIK enters.
DR NIKIDIK
Thank you, Grommetik, you can return to standby mode.
The Grommetik whirs.
SCARECROW
Grommetik?
DR NIKIDIK
It’s what I call my little friends here, my clockwork servants. The Grommetiks. Made for me by the inventors —
TIN WOODMAN
Smith and Tinker, we know. I get the feeling those two power the whole economy of Ev.
DR NIKIDIK
Oh, you’re not in Ev anymore. You’re in the wastelands beyond the Evian borders where I am in command.
SCARECROW
So… you’re the Nome King?
DR NIKIDIK
Hardly. My name is Dr Nikidik! No doubt you’ve heard of me.
TIN WOODMAN
No.
SCARECROW
Not really.
LION
We come from Oz, you see, we’re a bit out of touch.
DR NIKIDIK
…Oz?
LION
Yes. It’s where we’re from. The three of us.
SCARECROW
Yes. We’re three sad souls.
TIN WOODMAN
Oh me.
LION
Oh my.
SCARECROW
No brains.
TIN WOODMAN
No heart.
LION
I’m much too shy —
DR NIKIDIK
Enough banter, I have work to do. Grommetik, begin recording.
The Grommetik whirs into life again.
DR NIKIDIK (cont’d)
The third subject has regained consciousness and I have confirmed it too has the power of speech and self awareness. Although it is clearly an animal, it has the ability to reason to form arguments and all forms of higher brain function.
TIN WOODMAN
He can sing and dance too, you know.
LION
Hey, who are you calling an animal?
SCARECROW
Well, you are, aren’t you?
LION
Not the way this guy means it.
DR NIKIDIK
Silence, please.
(to recording)
The other two animatics continue to show signs of independent intellect. As I have previously reported, they resisted all attempts to render them unconscious, unlike the beast who succumbed as easily as any creature despite its power of speech. The straw man continues to remain animated, even when restrained, despite all evidence suggesting he should not have this function.
SCARECROW
There is nothing wrong with wriggling when you’ve tied me to a wall!
DR NIKIDIK
Further discussion regarding the creature’s speech ability to follow at a later time.
Dr Nikidik walks to the Tin Woodman and bangs on his chest.
TIN WOODMAN
Hey! Personal space, please!
DR NIKIDIK
The metal creature at first glance appears to be clockwork, but on further investigation I have identified it is in fact hollow. Susceptible to water, as demonstrated during capture, though a basic lubricant will return it to full mobility.
TIN WOODMAN
Yeah. Thanks for sliding some oil to me.
DR NIKIDIK
Investigations will continue to determine just what keeps these creatures moving.
SCARECROW
Well, magic does, obviously.
DR NIKIDIK
I’m sorry, what?
SCARECROW
Magic. I mean, it’s magic isn’t it?
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow, shut up.
SCARECROW
I know the Tin Woodman is powered by magic — remember, the Witch of the East enchanted your axe, and —
LION
Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
And me, I don’t know what makes me move but, let’s be honest, it’s probably going to be magic too, right?
TIN WOODMAN
How many times to we have to tell you to stop talking?
DR NIKIDIK
The straw creature also shows evidence of an imagination and fanciful thinking. These creatures are proving to be some of the most fascinating acquisitions I’ve had in quite some time.
TIN WOODMAN
Acquisitions? Us?
LION
Who are you really? What is it you want with us?
DR NIKIDIK
Like I said, my name is Nikidik. I am a scientist.
SCARECROW
A scientist? One who studies science?
DR NIKIDIK
Correct. I study the way things work. And I am very interested in discovering the wondrous secrets behind the three of you.
SCARECROW
Ahhh… gulp.
CLOSING CREDITS