Read the production script for Episode 4 of The Chronicles of Oz: The Marvellous Land of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Four
PREVIOUSLY
Recap of the previous episodes.
INT. THRONE ROOM
Continuation from previous episode. Jinjur, Mombi, and Victon (with reinforcements) rush into the room, while Jack Pumpkinhead, Omby Amby and the Woggle Bug retreat. The Sawhorse whinnies aggressively.
OMBY AMBY
Run!
WOGGLE BUG
Run, Jack!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I’m running!
JINJUR
Catch them, you fools!
VICTON
(grabbing Omby)
Got you!
OMBY AMBY
Aghgh!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Omby Amby, no!
VICTON
I got one!
The Saw Horse goes berserk.
JINJUR
Get them all you idiot! I want them all in custody!
MOMBI
Especially the boy! Bring me Tip!
OMBY AMBY
Go, Jack! Warn the others!
JINJUR
Forget about the stupid horse!
WOGGLE BUG
Come on, my boy!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
But Omby, he’s —
WOGGLE BUG
Now!
He pushes Jack towards the stairs. Another door slams behind them and locks.
EXT. TOWER
Jack and the Woggle Bug race up to join the Scarecrow, Tin Woodman and Tip.
TIP
Jack, is that you?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
They got in, Dad, they got in!
TIN WOODMAN
Jinjur?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
And a lot of blue soldiers!
SCARECROW
I thought you put a spell on the door?
TIP
So did I!
WOGGLE BUG
I’ve locked the internal door, but it’ll last maybe a minute before they break it down.
TIN WOODMAN
If you’re doing this, Tip, best do it now.
TIP
But I still have to check —
TIN WOODMAN
We’re out of time!
TIP
Right. Ok, help me cover it with powder.
Tip and the Tin Woodman scatter the Gump with powder.
SCARECROW
Wait, where’s Omby Amby?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
He… well, he…
WOGGLE BUG
I’m sorry your Majesty, he’s been caught.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
And the Saw Horse.
WOGGLE BUG
An equine paradox, I’m afraid, dear boy, choosing between saving the horse or ourselves.
SCARECROW
Then we have to go back.
WOGGLE BUG
For the Saw Horse?
SCARECROW
For Omby! Tip, stop, we can’t leave yet.
WOGGLE BUG
We have to leave, Sire.
SCARECROW
Not without Omby!
TIN WOODMAN
He’s right, Scarecrow, we don’t have time. Are you done, Tip?
TIP
Nearly… ok. Guys, shut up while I do this. Ahem.
(spellcasting)
Weaugh… Teaugh… Peaugh!
The coming-to-life magic begins again, as the couch and the Gumps head come to life.
WOGGLE BUG
Goodness me!
The wings start flapping.
TIN WOODMAN
Look out for its wings! They’re going!
They all duck out of its way.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
It worked, Dad, it worked!
TIP
Yay for me. Right, all aboard before it flies away.
WOGGLE BUG
I’m not getting on this contraption, it doesn’t look remotely safe!
TIP
Fine, try your luck with Mombi. She’ll probably turn you into a goulash, but —
WOGGLE BUG
Goulash?!
TIP
Stewed and highly spiced.
WOGGLE BUG
You go too far, young man!
SCARECROW
Stop, we don’t have Omby!
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow —
SCARECROW
I won’t leave him behind!
The door breaks down behind them and military footsteps pound their way up the stairs.
TIN WOODMAN
I’m not arguing with you, Scarecrow, get your arse —
He picks up the Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
Whoah!
TIN WOODMAN
— onto that couch!
He bodily throws the Scarecrow onto the Gump, and climbs on after him.
SCARECROW
Ahhhh!
TIN WOODMAN
All aboard, Tip!
TIP
Gump, can you hear me?
The Gump head responds with a moose-like noise.
TIP (cont’d)
Great — fly away! Fly! Fly!
The Gump’s huge palm wings flap harder and, with a slight magical buzz, it flies away from the tower.
Jinjur and Mombi arrive at the top of the stairs.
MOMBI
Oh no you don’t!
JINJUR
Come back here! Now!
TIP
Bye-bye Mombi!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Bye Jinjur!
JINJUR
Mombi! Do something!
MOMBI
Like what? Jump out after them?
JINJUR
Use magic! Zap them back!
MOMBI
You know nothing of how magic works, girl!
JINJUR
That makes two of us!
(shouting at the departing Gump)
Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, Scarecrow! But I have your Palace now! I have your Emerald City! I have your Throne! I’ve won and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! Nothing! Nothing!!!!
EXT. THE GUMP
Flying through the air, the Scarecrow, Tin Woodman, Tip, Jack Pumpkinhead and Woggle Bug are riding on the Gump. It’s not a breezy, sedate ride — it’s bumpy, it’s rolling and everyone is a little concerned.
TIP (V.O.)
Have you ever been flying before?
VOICE (V.O.)
You know I have.
TIP (V.O.)
Well before then, I hadn’t. Highest I’d been was the roof of Mombi’s cottage. But here we were, up in the sky, looking down on the Emerald City, as the Gump swooped its way across the skyline. We clung to whatever we could to avoid falling out — the Gump was not designed with aerodynamics in mind.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Whoah!! Whoah — Daddy!!!!!
TIP (V.O.)
Beneath us the streets gave way to fields and plains as we catapulted over the city walls. At top speed we hurtled toward the horizon.
WOGGLE BUG
(terrified)
There’s a rope coming loose over here!
TIN WOODMAN
Tip, who taught you how to tie knots?
TIP
I’m a witch’s apprentice, not a fisherman!
WOGGLE BUG
Can’t you tie a knot?
TIP
I cannot.
WOGGLE BUG
You can knot?
TIP
No, I can not knot!
WOGGLE BUG
Not knot?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Who’s there?
TIP
Shut up, Jack!
WOGGLE BUG
It’s coming loose! IT’S COMING LOOSE!
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up! Jack, grab that end and hold onto it tight. Got it?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(confirming the instructions)
Hold on to the rope.
TIN WOODMAN
Good boy.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What happens if I let it go?
TIN WOODMAN
Then I hope the drop never bothered you anyway.
WOGGLE BUG
I think I’m going to be ill.
TIN WOODMAN
I told you to shut up.
WOGGLE BUG
You’re trusting our well-being to a man with a fruit as a head, I don’t think I will shut up!
TIN WOODMAN
Do you want to hold the rope? I’m going to try and lash it together…
TIP
I’m sorry, I thought it would hold.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s ok, Tip. Can’t be helped now.
He works on the ropes for a moment.
TIN WOODMAN (cont’d)
Scarecrow, are you still with us?
SCARECROW
It looks so small from here.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What?
SCARECROW
The Emerald City. So small, so far away.
TIN WOODMAN
Are you ok?
SCARECROW
I’m… no, I’m fine.
TIP
We had to leave him, your Majesty.
SCARECROW
No, don’t… don’t call me that. I don’t deserve that title.
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t be silly.
SCARECROW
What sort of king runs away from their city? What kind of king lets their city be invaded?
TIN WOODMAN
A wise one. What sort of king would you be if you stayed to let Jinjur capture you? She’d rip your head off in front of the people and her invasion would be complete.
TIP
This way you have a chance to return and take control.
SCARECROW
The Emerald Citizens deserve someone better than me.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop it.
SCARECROW
They do! I’m the one who sent all our troops to the bomb site when they should have been protecting the Palace. I’m the one who was busy having a meeting with a Pumpkinhead instead of my official duties, whatever they were.
WOGGLE BUG
You’re the one who sent troops into Munchkinland which started all this off in the first place.
TIN WOODMAN
Woggle Bug!
WOGGLE BUG
It’s the truth.
SCARECROW
See! I thought I was trying to help the Munchkins. But my road of good intentions led where such roads always lead.
TIN WOODMAN
Ignore the Bug. You gave the Munchkins plenty of time to get their acts together. Did they ever show signs of ending their war?
SCARECROW
No.
TIN WOODMAN
Would you rather have taken the Wizard’s approach? Lock the gates and wait for them to kill each other off? They’d still be going!
SCARECROW
I wonder what the dead people at the bomb site would have rathered I do. Or the people Jinjur took prisoner. Or Omby Amby.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
And there’s one more thing that nobody’s taken into consideration at all.
Pause as everyone waits for his reply.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD (cont’d)
Do you think flying through the air is likely to spoil pumpkins?
(pause)
What? I think that’s very important!
WOGGLE BUG
Not unless you carelessly drop your head over the side. In that event, your head would no longer be a pumpkin. It would become a squash.
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t make me come over there.
TIP
Go sit in the corner, Jack.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I am in the corner, I can’t get further in the corner cause —
TIP
Jack!
SCARECROW
People are suffering. And it’s because of me. Oz needs someone better than me to rule it. I’m done.
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow —
SCARECROW
Done.
TIP
You can’t just let Jinjur take over.
SCARECROW
Why not? Who knows, she might be a better ruler than the Wizard and I ever were.
INT. THRONE ROOM
Jinjur is interrogating Omby Amby. Victon rushes in.
VICTON
The wooden horse has escaped. Nobody seems to be able to stop it.
JINJUR
No matter. I have plenty to occupy my attention right here.
(to Omby)
So you served the Scarecrow King then?
OMBY AMBY
Correct.
JINJUR
And before that you served the Wizard of Oz, yes?
OMBY AMBY
I’m the Guardian of the Throne.
JINJUR
And what does that mean, exactly? You fetch the tea or something?
OMBY AMBY
I attend to the Monarch’s needs.
JINJUR
Then you shall attend to my needs, for I have declared myself Queen.
OMBY AMBY
(scoffing)
Of course you have.
JINJUR
For a servant, you’ve got a mouth on you.
OMBY AMBY
The Scarecrow is the rightful king of Oz, and no —
JINJUR
Rightful king?! Oz hasn’t had a rightful king in twenty years! The Wizard took the throne by force, and the Scarecrow after him.
OMBY AMBY
Well in the absence of a legitimate heir —
JINJUR
I am a legitimate heir! I carry the blood of Lurline in my veins, just as King Pastoria did!
OMBY AMBY
I know your lineage, Jinjur. We did our research on you and your family before we sent our troops to Munchkinland. And your claim is sketchy at best. Yes, technically you’re a descendant of Lurline, but you’re on a very distant branch of family tree.
JINJUR
Show me someone with a better claim then. Unless you’re going to be one of those ‘Ozma will return to lead us to freedom’ nutters.
OMBY AMBY
Last year the two most dangerous women in the country were killed within a week by a little girl and her puppy. I wouldn’t rule anything out.
JINJUR
I wouldn’t have thought you’d be a believer of fairy tales, Amby.
OMBY AMBY
Says the woman claiming to be a descendant of the Fairy Queen.
JINJUR
Nice one. Almost makes me regret doing this.
OMBY AMBY
What?
JINJUR
Victon, take Mr Amby to the cells and let him think about what sort of role he would like to have in this administration. As a cooperative member of my staff — or executed as a traitor.
VICTON
Yes your Majesty.
He carries him off.
OMBY AMBY
Do what you like to me Jinjur! I’m still the Guardian of the Throne! I’ll always support the true monarch of Oz!
EXT. THE GUMP
TIP (V.O.)
The long night rolled on, as did the Gump. We couldn’t see where we were going, which was fine since we couldn’t decide where to go anyway. We all agreed there was little point landing back in the City — we needed more help. Which left us with two viable options.
WOGGLE BUG
The Good Witch of the North, or the Good Witch of the South.
TIN WOODMAN
Locasta and Glinda.
WOGGLE BUG
Yes, thank you, I know their names!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Wait, I thought they were the same person?
TIP
No they’re not, keep up.
TIN WOODMAN
I say we go south and speak with Glinda.
TIP
Why?
TIN WOODMAN
She’s always seemed the more powerful. She sent Dorothy home, remember.
SCARECROW
Technically it was the shoes.
TIN WOODMAN
Which is more than Locasta told her. And lets face it, we spent weeks walking around Oz last year and we only got things sorted once we went to Glinda. This time, let’s just go straight to the top.
WOGGLE BUG
Or to the bottom.
TIN WOODMAN
What?
WOGGLE BUG
You know, cause we’re going south, which is on the bottom of the map, so we’re going straight to the —
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t make me hurt you.
TIP
Then it’s settled. Gump, take us south to Quadling Country!
The Gump moans a response and takes a turn. Everyone yelps as they change direction and they’re thrown about.
TIP (cont’d)
Sorry guys. Next Gump I build I’ll improve the steering, I promise.
TIN WOODMAN
Are we even going the right way?
SCARECROW
The sun’s finally coming up. We should be able to see where we are by now… uh oh.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
We’re lost!
TIP
We are?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Yes! Look!
SCARECROW
We’re not lost. I know exactly where we are. We’re slap bang in the middle of the Deadly Desert.
TIP
Sand in every direction.
TIN WOODMAN
We flew too far, we’re out of Oz completely.
TIP
Oh great.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
We need to land!
TIP
No!
WOGGLE BUG
If you touch the sand of the Deadly Desert you instantly crumble into dust. Landing is very much the last thing we should do.
SCARECROW
It’d be the last thing we would do!
TIP
We need to turn around. Gump! Can you still hear me?
Gump moans in reply.
TIP (cont’d)
Turn around. Turn as quickly as you can!
They all yelp as the Gump hangs u-turn in the air, throwing them around.
WOGGLE BUG
Now I’m definitely going to be sick!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Don’t be sick on me!
TIN WOODMAN
Will both of you shut up!
SCARECROW
Wait, what’s that?
TIN WOODMAN
You shut up too.
SCARECROW
No, look, over there!
TIN WOODMAN
Oh no! Gump, look out!
TIP (V.O.)
So, when I said it was sand in every direction, I hadn’t really been paying attention. I didn’t see the mountain range behind us. Which, now the Gump had pulled a u-turn, was coming up fast in front of us.
TIN WOODMAN
Pull up, pull up!
TIP
Everyone hold on!
The Gump crashes onto the cliff edge, breaking apart as it does so. Everyone goes flying, screaming.
EXT. JACKDAW’S NEST
Silence.
VOICE (V.O.)
So you crashed?
TIP (V.O.)
We crashed hard.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(muffled)
Hello? Hello is anyone there?
TIP (V.O.)
The Gump broke apart on impact. The rest of us were scattered about the cliff-face, feeling the worse for wear.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(muffled)
What’s happening? I can’t see. Everything’s gone black, I’m blind!
SCARECROW
That’s because your head is face-down on my stomach, Jack Pumpkinhead!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(screaming)
I’m bliiiiiind!
SCARECROW
Oh shut up.
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow is that you?
SCARECROW
Yep
TIN WOODMAN
You ok?
SCARECROW
I’m trapped under a pumpkin.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
And I’m blind!
SCARECROW
You’re an idiot.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Thank you!
TIN WOODMAN
Tip? Are you ok?
WOGGLE BUG
I’m right behind you, your Grace.
TIN WOODMAN
You’re not Tip, you’re the Woggle Bug.
WOGGLE BUG
And I’m fine all the same.
TIN WOODMAN
Tip? Has anyone seen Tip?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Dad! Daddy!
TIP
I’m here! I’m under the couch!
TIN WOODMAN
That was careless of you. Here, let me lift it up…
He lifts the couch so Tip can get out.
TIP
Thanks.
TIN WOODMAN
Careful, don’t stand too close to the edge. It’s a very long way down.
TIP
Sure is. Anyone got any ideas on where we are?
WOGGLE BUG
Well, as I am Thoroughly Educated, as per my title —
TIN WOODMAN
Oh, for f–
WOGGLE BUG
— I can ascertain, from the evidence before us — twigs and branches arranged in a circular fashion, the collection of glittery objects, the four giant spotted eggs over there — that we are indeed in a nest.
TIN WOODMAN
No kidding.
WOGGLE BUG
Specifically the nest of a Jackdaw. Probably more than one, they travel in packs, which is unusual for birds of prey. I have done extensive research on the subject, given they’re the natural predator for your average-sized woggle bug —
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What’s a Jackdaw?
TIP
Giant bird.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Right. Ok, next question.
TIP
Yes?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Can anyone find my body?
SCARECROW
(pained)
Please…
TIP
Right, ok, let’s see what we can — whoah!
He wobbles as he slips on the edge.
TIN WOODMAN
I told you to watch out for the edge.
WOGGLE BUG
With an infinite drop down the side.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s not infinite.
WOGGLE BUG
It may as well be. And with the flying machine in pieces… this is a worse prison than the Palace.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I wish we’d stayed there. I’ll bet the mountain air isn’t good for pumpkins.
WOGGLE BUG
It won’t be when the Jackdaws come back. Jackdaws are especially fond of pumpkins.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What did the Woggle Bug say?!
TIP
Woggle Bug, stop it. Jack, I’ve found your body.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(distressed)
Do you think the birds will come back here, Dad?
TIP
Probably, it’s their nest.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Then we have to get away from here!
TIP
We have to get you back together first. Not to mention get the Gump back together.
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow, are you sure you’re ok? You’ve never been this quiet.
SCARECROW
I’m fine. Just waiting for the pumpkin to get off me.
TIN WOODMAN
Let me help you up then —
In the distance there’s a screech of birds.
TIP
Oh no.
WOGGLE BUG
They’re here!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Don’t let them eat my head, Dad!
TIP
I won’t, Jack, calm down.
WOGGLE BUG
They’re not going to be happy with any of us. We’ve defiled their nest.
TIP
Great, so how do we get out of this?
WOGGLE BUG
Well…
TIP
Come on, you’re the Highly Educated one aren’t you, so you keep telling us! What do we do?
WOGGLE BUG
We… we… we defer to someone with better brains than I possess.
(pause)
Your Majesty.
SCARECROW
What?
WOGGLE BUG
Didn’t the Wonderful Wizard of Oz give you extra sharp brains?
TIN WOODMAN
That’s debatable.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Well someone has to do something soon! I don’t want the birds to eat me!
SCARECROW
(weary)
All right. I have an idea.
TIN WOODMAN
Uh oh.
SCARECROW
Shut up, and start unstuffing me.
TIN WOODMAN
I beg your pardon?
SCARECROW
Get out all my straw and start piling it up. Tip, put Jack’s head down the bottom of the nest. You and the Woggle Bug lie down next to it, hurry.
TIP
What about you?
SCARECROW
Tin Woodman, you cover the two of them with my straw. Use all of it, spread it around. Pull me to pieces.
TIN WOODMAN
Again?
SCARECROW
Exactly.
TIP
Won’t that hurt you?
TIN WOODMAN
Not if we leave his head intact. You’re right, Scarecrow, this’ll work. Everyone lie down, and I’ll hide you with the straw.
SCARECROW
And then you can defend us all.
TIN WOODMAN
Not sure how I’m going to manage that without my axe…
TIP (V.O.)
The Tin Woodman worked quickly, covering us with the Scarecrow’s innards as we lay down at the bottom of the nest We made ourselves as small as we could. I clung to Jack’s head tight, if only to stop him carrying on.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
(whispering)
Daddy, I’m frightened.
TIP
I know, Jack.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Like, really frightened.
TIP
I’m not going to let them eat you.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Don’t let them eat you either, Dad. I won’t be able to make it in Oz without you.
TIP (V.O.)
And then the Jackdaws came. They swooped down with screeches of rage, angered that we had invaded their space. I listened as their beaks crashed against the tin of the Tin Woodman as they tried to peck him apart. It didn’t work.
TIN WOODMAN
Not so easy to eat now, am I?
TIP (V.O.)
Grabbing one of the remaining palms from the wrecked Gump, the Tin Woodman swung at the giant birds, driving them away from the nest. The battle seemed to go on for ages. All the time I kept my eyes tightly shut, praying to whoever might listen that we wouldn’t be eaten. I’d come too far to be pecked apart by giant birds now.
The birds attack the nest, screeching and howling, while the Tin Woodman fights them off.
VOICE (V.O.)
But eventually the birds retreated?
TIP (V.O.)
I guess they realised they weren’t going to get anywhere with this man of tin and his giant branch. When I realised I couldn’t hear their screeches anymore, I opened my eyes.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Did we die, Dad?
TIP
I don’t think so.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s ok, they’re gone. I don’t think they’ll be back.
WOGGLE BUG
Unless they’ve gone for reinforcements.
TIN WOODMAN
Will you stop talking please?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Does that mean you can put my head back on my body then?
TIP
We can. And then we’ll — wait a minute… Where’d all the straw go?
TIN WOODMAN
I… oh no.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What? Where did it all go?
TIN WOODMAN
I guess it blew over the cliff with all the birds flapping and the palm leaf… Scarecrow, I’m so sorry.
SCARECROW
(weakly)
It’s ok.
TIN WOODMAN
But now you’re just a head.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
We can form a club!
SCARECROW
Really, it’s ok. I did it to save my friends. I’m glad I perished in so noble and unselfish manner.
TIN WOODMAN
You’re not perishing. We’ve still got your clothes, you can be restuffed.
SCARECROW
With what?
TIN WOODMAN
With whatever we can find. You’re not finished yet, my friend.
SCARECROW
(sigh)
Oh yes I am. You all just don’t realise it yet.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop it. But first things first — we need to get off this mountain. Let’s see, I think we’ve still got most of the Gump pieces here. There’s the other palm, we’ve still got the couches…
WOGGLE BUG
You’re going to reassemble that contraption?
TIN WOODMAN
Has anyone seen its head?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
It’s over there!
TIN WOODMAN
Bring it over here. I think I can probably even improve on the assembly, if that’s ok with you Tip.
TIP
You’re hilarious. Really. You try building something like this with the time and resources I had.
TIN WOODMAN
Kinda like building a raft out of virtually nothing to cross the Munchkin River then. Let me show you how the old pros do this…
INT. THRONE ROOM
Jinjur is torturing Omby Amby. He screams in pain and anguish.
JINJUR
(cooing, tenderly)
Shh, shhh, it’s all right. It’s ok. Let out the screams, they help.
OMBY AMBY
Stop… please…
JINJUR
You can make all this go away you know. The pain will stop, I promise. You’ll be able to go lie down somewhere, and nobody will disturb you. Nobody will hurt you.
OMBY AMBY
No, no…
JINJUR
You just have to answer my questions, Omby. And truthfully this time. Where has the Scarecrow gone? Where has he taken Mombi’s apprentice?
She squeezes something and Omby cries out in pain again.
JINJUR (cont’d)
Still not talking? I thought we were coming to an understanding, Omby. I thought we were becoming friends!
OMBY AMBY
(whispering)
Go to hell.
JINJUR
Well that’s just rude.
MOMBI
Can you blame him?
JINJUR
Mombi, either help or shut up. I’m busy.
MOMBI
You’re wasting your time.
JINJUR
Stop saying that.
MOMBI
If you’re trying to get answers out of him, that’s not going to work. Eventually you’ll just kill him, and then you’ll need a new Guardian of the Throne. Although if you’re doing this just for fun, then don’t let me stop you, forget I spoke.
JINJUR
What would you recommend instead?
MOMBI
Make use of the witch you’ve got on staff to work a spell.
JINJUR
Oh great. Another illusion.
MOMBI
For situations such as this, an illusion is really all you need.
She walks up to Omby and puts her hands on his head.
OMBY AMBY
(dazed)
No… what are you doing?
MOMBI
Shut up, and let me feel your scalp. There.
With a buzz of magical energy she starts reading his mind. Omby gasps in more, new pain.
JINJUR
You’re reading his mind?
MOMBI
There’s a lot of crap in here. It’s all reports. Red tape. Bureaucratic poppycock. A civil servant through and through.
JINJUR
Does he know where they went?
MOMBI
I don’t think so.
JINJUR
Think? Be sure, witch.
MOMBI
This isn’t a science, it’s an art, stop bugging me girl. He hasn’t got anything in there. I’m pretty sure even they didn’t know where they were going when they left.
JINJUR
Is there a hint? If he had to guess?
MOMBI
This is mind reading, not speculation. And his mind is full of details. Things about the City, its operational blueprint.
JINJUR
Well that’s something at least. Find out what he knows regarding the City’s defences.
MOMBI
It hasn’t got any. You’ve just proven that.
JINJUR
Then find out how we can protect the City from further attack. The Scarecrow must have gone somewhere, it must have been for reinforcements.
MOMBI
I’m looking! Pipe down! The City can be protected by sealing the gates, they can’t cross the walls…
JINJUR
That doesn’t help, they’re still inside the gates. What about the Palace?
MOMBI
Shh!
JINJUR
Get on with it!
MOMBI
He knows something about… the Fountain. Of Oblivion.
JINJUR
Pfft, you’ve broken his brain, he wants a drink.
(Pause)
Wait. Fountain of Oblivion?
MOMBI
That’s what I said.
JINJUR
It exists?
MOMBI
He’s trying to resist me —
JINJUR
Push harder, I need to know. Tell me where we can find the Fountain of Oblivion!
Omby cries out under the magical onslaught.
EXT. THE GUMP
The Gump is soaring through the air, with the usual suspects aboard.
TIP (V.O.)
We’d been flying for a while before somebody realised that we had no real idea on how to get back to Oz, let alone Glinda’s Palace in Quadling Country. Below us there was still just sand — but at least in the daylight we could navigate. A bit.
After a lot of arguing — and any conversation with the Woggle Bug involved tends to lead to arguing — we agreed we were travelling more or less South when we left the Emerald City, meaning we should travel more or less North to get back.
And so we travelled. And we couldn’t help but notice that the Scarecrow — what was left of him — was very quiet.
TIN WOODMAN
You had better not be still sulking.
SCARECROW
(weak)
I’m fine. Keep going.
TIN WOODMAN
We’re going to get your City back. Glinda will help us.
TIP
I don’t think he’s fine, Tin Woodman. Scarecrow, can you look at me?
TIN WOODMAN
He’s a head.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
He doesn’t look very happy.
TIP
His face isn’t as animated as it was.
SCARECROW
I’m fine…
WOGGLE BUG
How long can he survive in that disassembled state?
TIN WOODMAN
I’m not sure. It’s only happened once, and I was disassembled myself at the time. The Winged Monkeys pulled him apart, and about a week later Dorothy put him back together.
TIP
And he was conscious the whole time?
TIN WOODMAN
Not as such. He was basically dead… But he was fine once he was reassembled! We even had a long chat while he was a head on a table.
TIP
I don’t think he’s doing fine. I think he needs medical help.
WOGGLE BUG
Medical help? He’s a scarecrow!
TIP
And I think that’s all he will be if he doesn’t get restuffed soon. Look at him, he’s looking more and more like straw and rags every minute.
TIN WOODMAN
Then what do you suggest we do?
TIP
Get him to Glinda as soon as possible. Or a farm. Basically anywhere that can get him stuffed with fresh straw. Otherwise I think we’re going to lose him.
WOGGLE BUG
Tip… I think we are losing him.
TIP (V.O.)
I looked into the Scarecrow’s face. It was like I could see the light draining from his eyes. There was a sadness there. Something deep, something we couldn’t… I had to do something.
TIP
(hurriedly getting into his pockets)
You’re right. He’s not going to make it to Glinda’s.
TIN WOODMAN
What are you doing?
TIP
Powder of Life. It’ll sustain him, I think.
SCARECROW
(weak)
No…
TIP
It brings inanimate objects to life, maybe it’ll do the same to him.
SCARECROW
Stop…
TIN WOODMAN
But he’s already alive.
WOGGLE BUG
Barely.
TIN WOODMAN
Barely but he’s still in there, how do you know this will do anything?
TIP
I don’t, but it’s the only thing I can think of.
SCARECROW
Please, stop! Let me just … go.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop that, we’re saving you.
SCARECROW
Please…
TIN WOODMAN
I don’t want to hear it. Tip, do what you have to do. Bring him back.
TIP
This’ll use up the last of the Powder.
SCARECROW
Then you should stop.
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up, Scarecrow. You’re not getting a say in this.
Tip scatters the powder.
EXT. GLINDA’S PALACE GROUNDS
TIP (V.O.)
I cast the spell and hoped for the best. We all did. And the Powder of Life seemed to sustain the Scarecrow — or at least he wasn’t getting worse.
The Gump flew on, and eventually the Deadly Desert gave way to grass, then buildings and the Woggle Bug stated with confidence we were somewhere over Munchkinland. From there we could move west and navigate our way to Quadling Country.
Locasta, with half a dozen Quadlings and a gurney rush across the courtyard as the Gump descends.
LOCASTA
Quickly everyone, quickly! Bring the gurney over, we’re needed!
The Gump lands with a thump.
TIN WOODMAN
Locasta!
LOCASTA
Good Witch of the North at your service.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
North? I though we were going to the South?
TIP
Jack, shh!
LOCASTA
Have you got the King?
TIN WOODMAN
He’s right here he needs —
LOCASTA
Orderlies, attend to His Majesty. Keep his remains together, it will sustain him longer.
They quickly move him to the gurney and wheel him away
TIN WOODMAN
He’s lost a lot of straw. There was an incident with a jackdaw nest —
LOCASTA
I know, Glinda foresaw your arrival. Go with the orderlies, your Grace, he doesn’t have much time.
TIN WOODMAN
Hold on Scarecrow, you’re almost there…
The Tin Woodman is rushed off from the courtyard with the orderlies.
TIP
Wait! What about us!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
We want to look after the Scarecrow too!
LOCASTA
Glinda will make sure His Majesty the Scarecrow receives the greatest of care. In the meantime the three of you must come with me.
WOGGLE BUG
Where are you taking us?
LOCASTA
All will be explained in due course. Please, follow me. Allow me to show you to the Palace of Glinda the Good.
They go inside the Palace.
INT. GLINDA’S ANTECHAMBER
Locasta leads Tip, Jack and the Woggle Bug in.
LOCASTA
I presume you are Tip and Jack Pumpkinhead.
TIP
That’s right, your maj– your grace– ahh —
LOCASTA
Call me Locasta.
TIP
Right. And this is the —
LOCASTA
Oh, the Woggle Bug and I are acquaintances of old.
WOGGLE BUG
Indeed, my lovely lady.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Are you really a witch?
LOCASTA
As a resident of Gillikin, Jack Pumpkinhead, I am actually your witch.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
TIP
Jack, don’t be an idiot.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Well Mombi’s a bad witch and I’ve only ever met her so I thought —
WOGGLE BUG
I must say, I’m surprised to find you here in the Quadling Palace.
LOCASTA
With events such as they are in Oz I felt my presence in Munchkinland served little to the greater good. So I came to Glinda for her perspective.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
And we came for her help.
LOCASTA
And I’m sure she will give it.
TIP
I’m really concerned about the King. I think we’d all be —
LOCASTA
Tip, Glinda has asked that you be brought to her the moment you arrive. Jack, Woggle Bug, please wait in here. Tip, follow me.
They leave the room.
INT. OPERATING ROOM
The Tin Woodman waits on a chair as the Scarecrow wakes up on a bed.
TIN WOODMAN
There you are. Welcome back.
SCARECROW
What happened?
TIN WOODMAN
You nearly died, that’s what happened. And I didn’t even believe that was possible. Glinda’s servants have stocked you up with the finest straw, so you should be perfectly healthy again.
SCARECROW
I see. Good.
TIN WOODMAN
You do feel better, right?
SCARECROW
I guess.
TIN WOODMAN
Good. That means I’m perfectly justified doing this.
He punches him.
SCARECROW
Ow!
TIN WOODMAN
What was that crap about letting you die back there on the Gump? Seriously?
SCARECROW
That really hurt, Tin Woodman.
TIN WOODMAN
Talk to me.
SCARECROW
I’m going to get a bruise.
TIN WOODMAN
No you’re not, you’re made of straw.
SCARECROW
You might have ripped the lining…
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow?
SCARECROW
I… I don’t know.
TIN WOODMAN
You don’t know?
SCARECROW
No.
TIN WOODMAN
Do you want to die?
SCARECROW
No! Well… I don’t think I do. Oh it’s all confusing. Leave me alone.
TIN WOODMAN
Cause I’m pretty sure that’s why you were struggling back there in the Gump. You can survive being unstuffed, we both know that. As long as you want to survive. Is it cause of Jinjur? She’s a bitch who would have invaded the Emerald City even if you —
SCARECROW
It’s not about Jinjur. It’s about me. I’m a terrible king.
TIN WOODMAN
Didn’t we go over this already?
SCARECROW
I tried my best to be king. I really did. I did what my advisors told me, I waved at the people, gave speeches. I even tried to do good things and stop the fighting in Munchkinland. But I’m not a wonderful ruler. I’m not marvellous. I’m barely even competent. Every decision I made since I took over has led us to the invasion. And as soon as I was in personal danger, I ran. I shouldn’t be king. And if I’m not a king, then what’s the point of me? I may as well be scattered to the wind from the edge of a jackdaw’s nest. It’s all I’m good for, I mean what else can I do?
TIN WOODMAN
I can’t believe you’re asking that. Like your choice is ‘king’ or ‘nothing’? You’re the Scarecrow! You’re the silliest, funniest, brainiest Scarecrow in all of Oz.
SCARECROW
Ha. Silly. Great.
TIN WOODMAN
So being a king isn’t going so well. We’ll fix that. We’re at Glinda’s now. She’ll kick out Jinjur and Mombi and give you back your throne before dinner.
SCARECROW
What if I don’t want it back?
TIN WOODMAN
Then we’ll give it to someone else. Look, if you don’t want to be king anymore I can respect that. I think you’re good at it, but that’s beside the point. But don’t for a moment think that’s all that you have to offer. When we first met, you weren’t a king. It wasn’t a king that Dorothy took with her down the Yellow Brick Road, that saved the Lion from the Poppy Fields, that stood up to the Kalidahs and beat away the Witch’s ravens. That was you. Just you. Still the silliest, funniest, brainiest Scarecrow in all of Oz. Even Jinjur can’t take that away from you.
SCARECROW
I guess. And you’re right. We finally made it to Glinda. Maybe our luck is finally on its way up, with the Good Witch of the South to help us.
INT. GLINDA’S THRONE ROOM
Same location as in Season 1. Tip enters to meet with Glinda.
TIP
(uncertain)
Hello? The Witch of the North said I should just go in –
GLINDA
Welcome, Tippetarius. Please, have a seat.
TIP
Oh! I’m sorry I… call me Tip, please.
GLINDA
As you wish. You may call me Glinda.
TIP
You’re Glinda?
GLINDA
That’s right. Come in, don’t be shy. I wanted to speak with you.
Tip approaches her chair.
TIP
I’m nobody important, trust me.
GLINDA
That remains to be seen. You’ve come a long way, please take a seat.
He sits down on a couch.
TIP
How’s the Scarecrow? Is he ok?
GLINDA
He will be. I’ve had him taken to be repaired and restuffed — the Tin Woodman is with him now.
TIP
Will he be all right though? He was looking a bit —
GLINDA
I have the greatest confidence that he’ll recover, given time.
TIP
Good. Because he’s come for your help. Did the Tin Woodman tell you —
GLINDA
About General Jinjur and the Munchkin invaders? I’m aware. This is a terrible time for the Emerald City.
TIP
For everyone, really. Which is why we need your help.
GLINDA
In due time. But for the moment I wanted to have a chat with you.
TIP
Me? Why?
GLINDA
I’m curious. Tell me about yourself.
TIP
There’s nothing much to tell. I’m a witch’s apprentice, I live in Gillikin.
GLINDA
With Mombi.
TIP
Yes…
(pause)
Look, when I said I live, I mean I lived there, I ran away from Mombi long before —
GLINDA
It’s ok, Tip, I don’t for a moment believe you’re in league with her any longer.
TIP
Good, cause I’m not! I ran away with Jack when she was threatening to turn me into a marble statue. That’s how I got caught up in all this.
GLINDA
Why was Mombi trying to turn you into a statue?
TIP
I… I don’t know. Mombi does stuff like that sometimes.
GLINDA
Turns people into statues?
TIP
Or other things. She’s good at transformation spells.
GLINDA
How long have you lived with Mombi?
TIP
All my life.
GLINDA
And it’s always been the two of you? Nobody else?
TIP
Nobody I remember. I mean, she had friends I guess. Magicians and wizards but…
GLINDA
Other children?
TIP
No.
Pause
GLINDA
Does the name ‘Ozma’ mean anything to you?
TIP
No.
GLINDA
At all?
TIP
I think… isn’t there a story about an Ozma? A lost princess or something?
GLINDA
What do you remember?
TIP
Not much. She disappeared or something. I think she was a baby?
GLINDA
Ozma was the only child of Pastoria, King of the Emerald City and the greater realms of Oz. She was heir to the throne, and would have ruled Oz when her father died. Over twenty years ago now.
TIP
That’s right. And then when the King died she was murdered —
GLINDA
She disappeared, and her name passed into legend. Some say she was slaughtered in her crib and her limbs scattered to the four corners of Oz. Others say she was magically frozen behind a wall of ice in a cave in the Gillikin mountains, and will return at a time of Oz’s greatest need.
TIP
Right. Sorry, this is a nice story and everything but what does a dead baby have to do with me?
GLINDA
Oh, she’s not dead. I’ve been looking into this for some time, and I can honestly assure you that the princess wasn’t killed. She’s alive and she’s in Oz. It’s merely a question of finding her.
TIP
Ok. But what does this have to do with me?
GLINDA
Like I said, I’ve been investigating this for some time. And since the Wizard left Oz, so much more information has come to light.
TIP
You know where she is?
GLINDA
No. But I know who took her.
TIP
Mombi?
GLINDA
Yes. Which is why I need you to think back. You’ve known Mombi the longest, you’ve lived in her house. Has she ever said anything? Given you any idea?
TIP
I… Well… look all this happened before I was born, and she didn’t exactly tell me her darkest secrets. It was more ‘get this, fetch that, stop burning my toast’.
GLINDA
Are you sure? Anything you might know may be a help.
TIP
I’m sorry.
GLINDA
It’s all right. I had hoped I would not need to get involved. But I suspect there’s no other option now.
TIP
Well, exactly! We came here to ask you for help in reclaiming the Emerald City from the Munchkins. And Mombi’s there now, helping Jinjur!
GLINDA
I’m aware.
TIP
And once you put the Scarecrow back on the throne —
GLINDA
Tip, you don’t understand. I can’t put the Scarecrow back on the throne.
TIP
Why? Because of Ozma?
GLINDA
Yes. If Ozma lives, then the Scarecrow has no right to rule Oz. And I will be forced to oppose anyone who attempts to return him to power.
CLOSING CREDITS