Read the production script for Episode 2 of The Chronicles of Oz: The Marvellous Land of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Two
PREVIOUSLY
Recap of the previous episode.
EXT. CLEARING
The Sawhorse runs rampant, while Tip and Jack Pumpkinhead attempt to catch it and calm it down.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Whoah! Whoah!
TIP (V.O.)
Taming the Sawhorse now it was alive was proving … tricky. When Jack came to life, he was full of questions and kinda stupid, but he was fairly calm, all things considered. The Sawhorse was frightened. And a little bit insane.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Calm down horsey!
TIP
Whoah, horse. Easy there boy — look out Jack, it’s coming through!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Whoooah!
He leaps out of the way as the horse bounds past him.
TIP
Come on, there’s nothing to be scared of.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I’m scared!
TIP
Nothing for the Sawhorse to be scared of.
(to Sawhorse)
We’re your friends we’re not going to hurt — ahhh!
He jumps aside as it rushes through.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
At least it’s knocking you over as well as me, Dad.
TIP
I don’t understand, why won’t it listen to us?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Maybe it can’t listen to us?
TIP
Oh? Oh, of course, that’s it! Jack, find me some leaves or something.
(he starts rummaging in the undergrowth)
Big ones, about the size of my hand. We need two.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Why?
TIP
(finding leaves)
Here we are, perfect. Ears, Jack! The Sawhorse doesn’t have ears!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
That’s why he isn’t listening!
TIP
We just need to fasten these on to his head and sprinkle a little more powder on.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
You’re so clever, Dad.
TIP
We still have to catch it. Ok. You come at it from the left, I’ll go from the right.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Right.
TIP
No left.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Left.
TIP
Right.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What?
TIP
Nevermind, go to the left.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Ok.
(pause)
Dad, which —
TIP
Left is around that way.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Thank you.
TIP
When I say three. One… two… THREE!
They both rush at the Sawhorse and wrestle it to the ground. The beast whinnies in protest. Tip struggles with the head.
TIP (cont’d)
Hold it still, I’ve got to get the ears in place.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I’m holding, Dad, I’m holding.
TIP
Nearly got it… and now the other one… Just a second more. There. Now just a few more seconds while I sprinkle it …
With a smaller zing of the Powder of Life spell, the ears come to life. Tip and Jack jump out of the horse’s way.
TIP (cont’d)
There!
The Sawhorse trots away. Tip and Jack sit, out of breath.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Did it work?
TIP
I don’t know.
(shouting)
Hey! Sawhorse!
The Sawhorse whinnies.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
It heard you, Dad, it heard you!
TIP
Why isn’t it talking?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Maybe it doesn’t have anything to say?
TIP
I doubt that, we just wrestled it to the ground. Besides, you haven’t shut up since we brought you to life.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Maybe it’s because it’s a horse, and horses don’t talk.
TIP
Horses do talk, you idiot. And again, it never stopped you. Maybe I did the spell wrong. I dunno.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Dad, help me up.
TIP
Oh, Jack.
The two stand up, then address the horse cautiously.
TIP (cont’d)
(cooing)
Hey, Sawhorse. You can hear me now, can’t you? There’s a good boy. My name’s Tip, and this is Jack Pumpkinhead. Can you understand me?
The Sawhorse whinnies — yes.
TIP (cont’d)
We need you to carry us to the Emerald City. That’s in that direction, can you do that?
The horse starts trotting away.
TIP (cont’d)
No, no, not now. Wait for Jack to climb on. Umm, we’ll need a halter or something. Hang on…
(he rummages in his pockets)
String. That will do.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
You have string in your pocket?
TIP
Can never go wrong with a bit of string. Ok, you climb on while I put this around his head.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Ok, Dad!
He climbs on.
TIP
And hold on tight. Don’t want to fall off and crack your pumpkin.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh that would be horrible!
TIP
Too right.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Do Sawhorses spoil pumpkins?
TIP
Only if you fall off so hold on tight. Ok, I’ll lead him by the string, you sit still and don’t wriggle or —
The Sawhorse whinnies and races off.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
No! Stop, horsey, stop, wait for Dad! Daddy, help!
TIP
(shouting after the horse)
Sawhorse! Bring back my Pumpkinhead!
The horse canters away into the distance.
VOICE (V.O.)
So how long exactly did you have the Sawhorse under control before it ran away?
TIP (V.O.)
About two point four seconds. Stupid horse.
VOICE (V.O.)
It was only doing what you asked, getting Jack Pumpkinhead to the Emerald City.
TIP (V.O.)
I didn’t think it’d go that fast! And I’d hoped it’d take me with it. But they were out of sight before I could blink. At least they were headed in the right direction. But now I was all alone in the snow-covered Gillikin hills, realising I had a long, slow walk ahead of me.
INT. PALACE OFFICE
Omby Amby is using a Ring to chat with UGU.
OMBY AMBY
So I’m recommending to his Majesty that he make the trip into Winkieland after the winter celebrations are over, if that works for you.
UGU
I’ll have to confirm with the Emperor of course, but I can’t imagine he’d have any problems with that.
OMBY AMBY
Excellent. I’ll confirm the specific itinerary in the coming months.
UGU
I’d appreciate that. We were looking at a possible visit to the Oogaboo at that time — the Emperor is keen to restore relations with the smaller kingdoms of Oz that border Winkieland. We’ve heard the Oogaboo Queen has been feeling somewhat underappreciated.
OMBY AMBY
Excellent idea. It’s an issue important to the King as well.
UGU
But we don’t want to cross schedules, do we?
OMBY AMBY
Well why don’t we look at a joint visit? Emperor of the Winkies and King of the Emerald City descending on the Oogaboo together.
UGU
That’ll make the Queen happy. Very happy.
OMBY AMBY
Yeah, fair point. I’m sure we can work something out.
(pause)
How are things going over there anyway?
UGU
In the Oogaboo?
OMBY AMBY
In Winkieland. Settling down now that you have your new ruler?
UGU
The people are adjusting. It’s been six months, but it will be a while before everyone fully recovers.
OMBY AMBY
And the Tin Wood– the Emperor is doing well?
UGU
Oh absolutely. Glinda made the right decision sending him to us. Exactly the leader we needed right now.
OMBY AMBY
I see…
UGU
Is everything all right, Mr Amby?
OMBY AMBY
Call me Omby. And yeah, it’s fine.
UGU
You don’t sound fine.
OMBY AMBY
Nothing for the Emperor’s Chief of Staff to be concerned with, Ugu. You’ve got enough on your plate.
UGU
We can all do with someone to talk to, Omby. I know that more than anyone. Guardians of the Throne included.
OMBY AMBY
It’s just… the King isn’t doing as well as…
UGU
He’s not adjusting?
OMBY AMBY
He’s not leading. The Emerald Citizens need a strong leader as much as the Winkies and Munchkins do, and he’s all about…
(he stops suddenly)
Look, sorry I shouldn’t be saying this. Highly inappropriate, forget I said it.
UGU
You’re allowed to have feelings you know.
OMBY AMBY
Not when you have an Emerald City to run. So, we’ll make a time to confirm the itinerary in, let’s say a month —
Knock on the door — it’s Faramant.
FARAMANT
Omby —
OMBY AMBY
One minute, Faramant, I’m on the Ring with Ugu.
UGU
I can call back if you like?
OMBY AMBY
That won’t be necessary, Faramant can wait.
FARAMANT
Actually I can’t.
OMBY AMBY
Don’t be annoying, Faramant.
FARAMANT
It’s, ah, it’s a code silver.
OMBY AMBY
What? Again?
FARAMANT
I’m afraid so. Jellia’s handling it.
OMBY AMBY
(deep sigh)
I’m sorry Ugu, we’ll have to pick this up later.
UGU
Is a code silver serious?
OMBY AMBY
Oh no. Nothing serious. The King’s just decided to run away from home.
UGU
I see.
EXT. FOREST – MORNING
Tip sleeps, while his voiceover continues the narration.
TIP (V.O.)
I tried to follow the Sawhorse’s footprints in the snow. But the further south I went, the less snow there was and before long I lost the trail. But this was good, I told myself. The more I travelled, the closer I was to the Emerald City, and I’d be able to catch up with Jack.
As the sun rose in the sky and woke up the forest, I realised I’d been awake all night, on the run. My steps got sluggish and I was stumbling as my body started insisting on a nap. But I didn’t dare sleep. I was worried about Jack, I was scared Mombi was behind me, and I needed to keep moving.
So it didn’t feel at all surprising when I started hearing voices again.
VOICE
(dream-like)
Tip… Tip… don’t sleep Tip. You have to wake up, or you’re not going to see her.
TIP
(drowsy)
I’m not asleep.
VOICE
(dream-like)
You have to speak to General Jinjur. Tip, wake up!
Tip wakes with a start.
TIP (V.O.)
Ok. I’d fallen asleep while running for my life. Just marvel at how difficult that is for a moment, will you?
A bush rattles. Tip gasps.
TIP
(whispering)
There’s someone over there. Lots of someones. What the hell are they doing in the middle of the forest? I don’t think they’re Gillikins. Blue uniforms, which means they’re… but that’s impossible!
VICTON
Stay where you are, kid. Don’t even move.
TIP
Oh great.
VICTON
I said don’t move!
TIP
I’m not moving. I’m lying perfectly still on the ground.
VICTON
Smart. Who are you.
TIP
My name’s Tip, you won’t have heard of me.
VICTON
You’re right about that. Ok, stand up. Slowly. No funny business, unless you want to get skewered.
TIP
Whatever you say.
He stands up.
TIP (cont’d)
Can I just ask a question?
VICTON
Shut up. Turn around.
TIP
What’s a Munchkin Army doing in Gillikin?
VICTON
I said turn around.
TIP
Are you going to skewer me?
VICTON
No. I’m taking you to the General for questioning.
TIP
General Jinjur?
Pause
VICTON
You’re a spy then?
TIP
No! No, I just… sorta knew.
VICTON
Move. Jinjur will get the truth out of you.
The guard marches Tip away.
INT. TENT
Tip is marched into the tent by Victon, where Jinjur is waiting.
VICTON
In!
TIP
Ok, no need to push.
JINJUR
So, we’ve got ourselves a spy have we, Lieutenant Victon?
TIP
I’m not a spy.
JINJUR
Spying for who I wonder? The Emerald City? You don’t look much like a Storkguard.
TIP
Cause I’m not a Storkguard.
JINJUR
Do not speak unless I order it!
(pause)
Now, I’m not convinced the Emerald City knows of our presence yet. And you’ve got a local sensibility about you. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re a Gillikin idiot and therefore of no interest to me whatsoever, am I right?
TIP
Absolutely.
VICTON
He knows your name, Ma’am.
JINJUR
Does he now? That’s a horse of a different colour then. Perhaps you are a spy.
TIP
No.
JINJUR
You have me at a disadvantage, and I hate being disadvantaged. Name?
TIP
My name’s Tip.
JINJUR
Tip. Just Tip? As in twenty percent of the bill?
TIP
That’s what they call me.
JINJUR
They mustn’t think much of you then. So direct questioning is working so far, let’s continue. What are you doing in my camp?
TIP
I wasn’t trying to get to your camp. I was lost in the woods and I fell asleep and when I woke up there you were.
JINJUR
I see.
TIP
I’m trying to get to the Emerald City. I suppose you are too.
JINJUR
Oh?
VICTON
He is a spy!
TIP
You just mentioned you’re keeping your presence hidden from the Emerald City, where else would you be going?
JINJUR
Clever kid. Paying attention. Why are you going to the Emerald City?
TIP
I… I don’t know.
JINJUR
Spur of the moment holiday?
TIP
I’m trying to escape from someone. My employer I guess — I’m an apprentice.
JINJUR
Wouldn’t let you out of your contract, eh?
TIP
Something like that.
JINJUR
Right.
(to Victon)
Get him out of my sight, he’s not important. Just some kid that wandered too far from home.
VICTON
But he knew your name.
JINJUR
He probably overheard someone talking too loud. Get rid of him and gather the troops. Our agents are in position and we need to move.
TIP
Why, what are you doing?
VICTON
Come on, move it kid.
TIP
Seriously, what are you going to do? You’re marching on the Emerald City, aren’t you? You’re Munchkins and you’re going to overthrow the King, am I right?
Pause
JINJUR
Oh Tip. And you were just about to get out of here scot-free. But then you got clever, didn’t you?
TIP
Hardly clever. You’re a Munchkin army, you’re wearing the blue uniforms. You’re concerned about the Emerald City. I heard the King was getting ready to end the war and kill a general or something.
JINJUR
Your information is outdated.
TIP
Ok, so he’s done it, and now you’re taking revenge? Or just overthrowing the government? And that’s why you’ve gone the long way around through Gillikin cause the Storkguards are going to be watching the Yellow Brick Road like hawks right now and you need to invade from the north.
JINJUR
(to Victon)
I’ve changed my mind. Take him outside and kill him.
Victon draws his sword.
TIP
No, stop, don’t!
JINJUR
You’ve worked it all out, well done, now we can’t let you go. Oz is about to go to war, Tip, and congratulations you have just made yourself the first casualty. Any last words?
TIP
(desperately)
I know the Scarecrow!
Pause
JINJUR
You do?
TIP
He’s a friend of mine. From back before he drove out the Wizard. That’s why I was going to the Emerald City, to catch up with my old friend!
JINJUR
Is this meant to be a joke?
TIP
Seriously, I sent my friend — my other friend — Jack ahead to book our accommodation at the Palace, and I was heading after him when you found me.
VICTON
You were asleep when I found you.
TIP
It was the middle of the night when he left on our horse. Please, you have to believe me. I know the King, I can be of use to you when you storm the Palace.
JINJUR
If you’re a friend of the King, then you’re an enemy of the Munchkin people. But I guess you could make a good bargaining chip, if needed.
(pause)
Tie him up. Keep him somewhere far away from everyone, I don’t want him finding out anything else about our plans. He’s coming with us.
VICTON
Yes Ma’am!
JINJUR
Then give the order to assemble and pack up camp. We march south in one hour.
VICTON
Understood.
(to Tip)
Right you, move!
He drags Tip away.
TIP
Didn’t we have an understanding about the pushing?
EXT. EMERALD CITY RIVERBANK
River flows by, people mill about. The Scarecrow sits on the side of the river and contemplates life.
Jellia Jamb approaches and talks into her Ring.
JELLIA JAMB
Ok, I have eyes on his Majesty. He’s at the riverbank and appears to be distracted by the Jac’acai parade. I’m going to intercede. Tell Faramant he can call off the search.
She hangs up the Ring, takes a deep breath and starts towards the Scarecrow. She’s suddenly intercepted by Preena.
PREENA
Miss Jamb! Fancy me running into you here.
JELLIA JAMB
Oh, Preena not now —
PREENA
I was going to make an appointment with your office, but that’s so impersonal and takes up so much time, and your assistant —
JELLIA JAMB
Whatever it is, can we just assume I’m saying ‘no comment’ and move on?
PREENA
You don’t even know what I want to ask you about.
JELLIA JAMB
I know, but it saves time.
PREENA
I was hoping to set up a debate between you and Mr HM Woggle Bug, TE. He’s been making some interesting points about the Munchkinland Crisis and I’d love to get the official Emerald City perspective —
JELLIA JAMB
Ok, first, the official perspective is there is no Munchkinland Crisis since Malik was executed, and second I refer you back to ‘no comment’. Goodbye, Preena.
She marches off.
PREENA
(fading into the distance)
Maybe I should talk to Faramant then? He seems more keen to spill the beans with the press!
Jellia approaches the Scarecrow. He sighs dramatically and sadly.
JELLIA JAMB
Your Majesty, I —
SCARECROW
You should do the interview you know. Keep everyone happy. Stop them complaining.
JELLIA JAMB
You knew I was over there?
SCARECROW
My ears might be painted on, but I can still use them.
JELLIA JAMB
And you didn’t run away?
SCARECROW
What would be the point? It’s not like I can get out of the city, you’ll always find me. Like every other time.
JELLIA JAMB
Why do you keep running away from the Palace, Sire?
SCARECROW
I keep hoping it’ll change things.
JELLIA JAMB
Don’t you want to be King?
SCARECROW
Not this week, no. Not when it means I can’t go to Munchkinland. When I can’t help my people. When I’m stuck in the Palace day after day, my entire life scheduled down to the minute.
JELLIA JAMB
You’re doing good things though. You helped the Munchkins only yesterday by ending the civil war.
SCARECROW
I had a General executed. And — what did the Woggle Bug say? Basically, executing Malik was the worst thing I could have done.
JELLIA JAMB
Don’t listen to the Woggle Bug, he’s a nutcase. Your Majesty, you should be happy with your progress. Munchkinland is the most stable it’s been since Dorothy arrived.
SCARECROW
I miss Dorothy. And the rest of them.
JELLIA JAMB
I know you do.
SCARECROW
And I just wish that I could… I don’t know, have an adventure, I guess. Run away from Kalidahs, break little china churches, have an argument with a mouse queen.
JELLIA JAMB
Then you’re in luck! You have a meeting with her Grace at eleven, Omby tells me, so we need to get you back to the Throne Room at least ten minutes ago. Come on. Up you hop.
SCARECROW
Can’t I stay out here a bit longer, Jelly-ah?
JELLIA JAMB
(sigh)
No, Sire, you can’t.
SCARECROW
Did you just tell the King of Oz ‘no’?
JELLIA JAMB
I just told the King of Oz that if he wants to remain the King of Oz then he probably should honour his commitments.
(pause, then more respectfully)
Your Majesty.
SCARECROW
But it’s so nice out here. There’s the riverbank, and the people, and the shops and the cafes — hey, let’s go to a cafe!
JELLIA JAMB
You don’t eat, Sire.
SCARECROW
I can have a coffee!
JELLIA JAMB
You don’t drink either.
SCARECROW
I can pretend, it’ll be fun!
JELLIA JAMB
Sire, look, we —
SCARECROW
Look!
JELLIA JAMB
That’s what I said, look —
SCARECROW
No, you look! Over there.
JELLIA JAMB
What? It’s a pumpkinhead. They’re everywhere. Omby told me he explained the Jac’acai Festival to you —
SCARECROW
But it’s moving! See, it looked at that cart. It jumped out of the way.
JELLIA JAMB
It can’t be moving, it’s just a pumpkin on a stick and…
(double take)
Sire, it’s moving!
SCARECROW
What’s it sitting on?
JELLIA JAMB
A log I think. Wait, the log’s moving too!
SCARECROW
It’s like me! Isn’t it, it’s like me, a scarecrow!
JELLIA JAMB
I don’t think it’s a scarecrow, Sire —
SCARECROW
I want to know more about it. Who is he? Where did he come from?
JELLIA JAMB
Your Majesty, your schedule is booked up to —
SCARECROW
Then clear my schedule, I want to know who that living Pumpkinhead is and what he’s doing in my city. I’m going over to meet him.
(he starts to march toward it then marches back)
No, better idea!
JELLIA JAMB
You’ll go back to the Palace?
SCARECROW
Yes!
JELLIA JAMB
Oh thank Lurline!
SCARECROW
Because I think it’s more royal-like to have you bring the Pumpkinhead to me! I shall be in my Throne Room. Grant him an audience with his Majesty the Scarecrow at once.
He ponces off. Jellia is not impressed.
JELLIA JAMB
Wait, Sire, you have appointments! I’m the Guardian of the People, not your social manager!
(to herself)
Fine. He’s the King. Looks like I’m going to engage the services of a bizarrely animated Pumpkinhead. This is all going to end in tears…
INT. PALACE CORRIDOR
Jellia Jamb escorts Jack Pumpkinhead to the Throne Room door.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I’m so nervous! I’ve never met a King before!
JELLIA JAMB
I’m sure you’ll be fine.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
But I’ve only been alive for half a day, so I guess there’s a lot of things I’ve never done before.
JELLIA JAMB
Somehow I think you and the Scarecrow will get along just great.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Are you sure my horse will be ok outside?
JELLIA JAMB
Of course. How much trouble can a wooden horse get into in the Emerald City streets?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Have you met my horse? It’s crazy!
JELLIA JAMB
(muttering)
Who isn’t around here?
(louder)
Ok, here we are.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Such a big door!
JELLIA JAMB
Well the King is a very important person.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Person? I thought he was a Scarecrow.
JELLIA JAMB
(wearily)
Don’t remind me.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Look at the size of those knockers!
JELLIA JAMB
(offended)
I beg your pardon!?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
The door knockers! Cause it’s such a big door.
JELLIA JAMB
Oh. Right. Well, just open them and his Majesty will welcome you.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Ok. Here I go…
He opens the doors and gasps at the vastness.
INT. THRONE ROOM
SCARECROW
(attempting booming Wizard voice)
I… am….
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Huh? Who’s there?
SCARECROW
(starting again)
I am Oz! I mean… the Scarecrow! The Great and Powerful. Who … are…
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Is that you, King?
SCARECROW
Stop interrupting me, I’m trying to do a thing!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh, sorry, please continue.
SCARECROW
It’s… oh it doesn’t matter now. So you’re… it’s amazing. You are a living Pumpkinhead!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I am!
SCARECROW
Where do you come from? How are you alive? Please, tell me everything —
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I beg your Majesty’s pardon, but I do not understand you.
SCARECROW
What?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I don’t understand your language. You see, I come from the land of the Gillikins. That’s up north.
SCARECROW
I know where Gillikin is.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
So I’m a foreigner, and I speak a foreign language.
SCARECROW
Right. Right, I see. I’m from Munchkinland myself, originally, so I speak Munchkinlander. Which luckily is the same language as the Emerald City. I guess you speak the language of the Pumpkinheads.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Exactly so, your Majesty! So it’ll be impossible for us to understand one another.
SCARECROW
Oh. That’s a shame. I was hoping we could talk and I could learn how you… we must have an interpreter!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
What’s an interpreter?
SCARECROW
A person who understands both my language and yours. When I say something, the interpreter can tell you what I mean, and vice versa.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh, that’s very clever.
SCARECROW
Well I’m very clever. Give me a second.
He grabs a Ring and calls out.
OMBY AMBY
(distorted)
Your Majesty?
SCARECROW
Do we have anyone on staff that speaks Gillikinese?
OMBY AMBY
(distorted)
Umm, I’m sorry Sire?
SCARECROW
You know. Someone from Gillikin. Anyone we know?
OMBY AMBY
(distorted)
I think Jellia comes from up north. But why do you need –?
SCARECROW
Find her and send her in will you. Thanks.
The Scarecrow hangs up. There’s an awkward silence between him and Jack Pumpkinhead.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
Ah, won’t you have a seat while we’re waiting?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Your Majesty forgets that I cannot understand you. If you wish me to sit down, you must make a sign for me to do so.
SCARECROW
Oh! Right. Umm, ok. Well, umm, here’s a chair. And we can…
He pushes Jack who stumbles into the chair.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
Oooh, sorry, did that hurt?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
No, I’m ok!
SCARECROW
I didn’t mean to push you that hard. But did you understand that sign?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Perfectly. I just might need to untangle my legs from the chair…
SCARECROW
Let me help you. You seem very hastily made.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Not more so than Your Majesty.
SCARECROW
Good point. That’s the difference between us I guess. I’ll bend but not break, you’ll break but won’t bend.
The door opens and Jellia Jamb comes in.
JELLIA JAMB
You asked for me, your Majesty?
SCARECROW
Ah, at last Jelly-ah! Come on in. You’re from Gillikin, right?
JELLIA JAMB
I grew up there, yes. Why do you ask?
SCARECROW
Then you shall be our interpreter. You can explain to the Pumpkinhead everything I say, and then explain to me everything he says. Make sense?
JELLIA JAMB
Ummm, what?
SCARECROW
Right, so to begin, ask him what brought him to the Emerald City.
(pause)
Go on, ask him.
JELLIA JAMB
I’m sorry, Sire, I just don’t understand what you need me to —
SCARECROW
Just translate what I’m asking.
JELLIA JAMB
Right. Ok.
(to herself)
I don’t have time for this…
(to Jack Pumpkinhead)
You’re certainly a… wonderful creature. Who made you.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
A boy named Tip.
SCARECROW
What does he say? My ears must have deceived me, what did he say?
JELLIA JAMB
(muttering)
He said your brains seem to have come loose.
SCARECROW
(miffed)
Oh. I see. What a fine thing it is to understand two languages. Ask the Pumpkinhead if he has any objection to being put in jail for insulting the ruler of the Emerald City.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
But I didn’t insult you!
SCARECROW
Shh! Wait for the interpreter!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Ok, I’ll wait.
JELLIA JAMB
Are you two quite right in the head today?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Is that what he said?
JELLIA JAMB
No he… ok, he asked if you were hungry.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh, no, not at all. For it’s impossible for me to eat!
SCARECROW
Really? Me too! Ah, I mean, what did he say, Jelly-ah?
JELLIA JAMB
He asked if you knew one of your eyes was bigger than the other.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Don’t you believe her, your Majesty!
SCARECROW
Oh I don’t. Jelly-ah, are you sure you know the languages of both the Gillikins and the Munchkins?
JELLIA JAMB
(screaming)
They’re the same fricken language!
(immediately calm)
I apologise, your Majesty, that outburst was inappropriate.
SCARECROW
You’re not wrong.
JELLIA JAMB
But yes, all Oz speaks the same language no matter where you were born.
SCARECROW
Right. So I could have been my own interpreter then?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
It’s all my fault, your Majesty. I thought we must surely speak different languages since we come from different countries.
SCARECROW
That’s ok. Perhaps you should leave the thinking to those who have brains in future. Just to be sure.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh, I will your Majesty. I will.
SCARECROW
Now please, sit with me. I want to know all about you and where you come from and how you’re a living, walking Pumpkinhead.
JELLIA JAMB
Can I go now?
INT. PALACE OFFICE
Faramant and Omby Amby talk.
FARAMANT
What was that all about?
OMBY AMBY
Who knows with him. I’m just happy he’s back in the building. Not sure the Queen of the Field Mice is happy that he’s blown off his meeting with her.
FARAMANT
Can’t she reschedule?
OMBY AMBY
She wasn’t impressed. But she’s met him before, I think she understands.
FARAMANT
(chuckling)
I see.
OMBY AMBY
Besides, I’m sending you to meet with her.
FARAMANT
What? Oh Omby, no…
OMBY AMBY
I’m too busy here, the King is off in his own world and seems to have dragged Jellia in with him, you’re the only one available right now.
FARAMANT
Can’t you have an intern do it?
OMBY AMBY
Have an intern attend a diplomatic appointment with a minor Ozian monarch?
FARAMANT
I’ve got my own duties to get on with. Guardian of the Gates, head of security, remember?
OMBY AMBY
Parading the battlements, polishing the armoury door?
FARAMANT
I’ve got reports to write about the Storkguard scheduling revisions you asked for. Plus starting to plan security requirements for that Winkieland trip, especially if we’re going into the Oogaboo —
OMBY AMBY
Have an intern do it.
FARAMANT
Omby, please.
OMBY AMBY
Faramant, suck it up.
FARAMANT
(sigh)
Fine. Where’s she staying?
OMBY AMBY
The Ozana Hotel. You’re meeting her in the restaurant off the foyer.
FARAMANT
I have to eat with her too?
OMBY AMBY
You’re getting a three course meal and the government’s picking up the bill.
FARAMANT
With a mouse.
OMBY AMBY
Don’t be racist. Go on, get moving. You’re due there in twenty minutes.
FARAMANT
Ok, I’m going.
OMBY AMBY
And do apologise for his Majesty’s absence, will you?
FARAMANT
I will, but I won’t enjoy it.
OMBY AMBY
Good man.
EXT. FOREST
TIP (V.O.)
Hands bound, tied to a rope and dragged along by some grumpy Munchkin, I spent the morning in the company of Jinjur’s army as they advanced through the Gillikin forest. By midday we came to the Gillikin border and I was granted my first, proper look at the Emerald City.
VOICE (V.O.)
And how did seeing the City make you feel?
TIP (V.O.)
I don’t know. I expected to be awed. And it’s definitely an awesome place, literally. When the sun’s out and the clouds part, the light bounces off all the gems in the walls. It glows on the horizon. It makes a statement — you’re in the centre of Oz now. This place is important. Treasure it. Look after it.
VOICE (V.O.)
And yet?
TIP (V.O.)
It didn’t feel new to me. It felt like I’d been there before. I’d never seen the place before, but it was so familiar…
JINJUR
(announcing to her army)
There it is. The Emerald City. The symbol of our oppression! For years the people of Oz have suffered under the rule of those who would not support its people. The Wizard of Oz was no friend to the Munchkins. He did nothing to help us in our years of struggle against the Witch of the East. And now a Scarecrow sits on the throne, who feels he has the right to execute our leaders!
The murder of General Malik will not go unavenged. As we speak, Munchkin agents within the City walls prepare for our arrival. The time of conquest is almost upon us. My people. I am a descendant of Lurline herself. Like old King Pastoria, and his lost daughter. I am the rightful queen of the Emerald City. March with me now to put Oz to rights. We’ll take the Emerald City! We’ll depose the Scarecrow King! And together we will make Oz marvellous!
The army start yelling.
ARMY
(chanting)
Make Oz Marvellous! Make Oz Marvellous! Make Oz Marvellous!
JINJUR
Send the signal! Announce to our agents we have arrived. The time of our ascension has come!
The army rushes down the hill toward the City, roaring.
TIP (V.O.)
As Jinjur’s Army made their final approach to the City of Emeralds, I knew only one thing — I had to get away from them as quickly as possible!
INT. RESTAURANT
Busy cutlery, people talking. Posh place, very high quality. Faramant is eating with QUEEN MOUSE.
QUEEN MOUSE
So as you can imagine, we are very keen to improve relations with the Emerald City as quickly as possible.
FARAMANT
And I know that his Majesty is only too eager to liaise with the Field Mice. He’s spoken highly of his experiences with you and your people prior to his coronation.
QUEEN MOUSE
(pointed)
I see how fond he is. Given how he’s made such a special arrangement to keep his appointment with me. In person. Himself.
FARAMANT
Yes, well your Grace —
QUEEN MOUSE
With all due respect, and with no offence, this really isn’t setting the right tone for building inter-realm relationships. I was promised a meeting with the King, and instead I have a postponed lunch with the security guard.
FARAMANT
Guardian of the Gates, if it please your Grace. And I can only apologise. His Majesty was detained by an urgent meeting he had to attend to.
QUEEN MOUSE
We are the Emerald City’s nearest realm, Guardian Faramant. While we may be small, the Scarecrow would do well to have us as his ally. Better that than an enemy.
FARAMANT
Please, your Grace, let’s not escalate things here. His Majesty has merely asked to postpone his meeting while he takes care of an urgent matter of state, and will be more than happy to meet with you at a later stage. In the meantime, I’m here to assist you and address any immediate concerns you may have. There’s no need for declarations of war.
QUEEN MOUSE
It is still an insult, do you not agree?
FARAMANT
I think he’s sent in his place one of the highest ranking officers in the Emerald City government. I report only to the Guardian of the Throne himself, who reports directly to the King. Rest assured, your Grace, he is taking this meeting very seriously indeed. As am I.
A waiter comes by.
WAITER
Are you ready to order, sir? Your Grace?
FARAMANT
Oh yes please. I’ll have a steak and her Grace will have… cheese? Yes?
QUEEN MOUSE
(ice cold)
That’s racist.
FARAMANT
Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed —
There’s a commotion near the entrance as the Woggle Bug makes an entrance.
WOGGLE BUG
(from afar)
What do you mean you haven’t got a reservation? Don’t you know who I am?
WAITER
(to Faramant)
I do apologise, excuse me…
He heads over to the Woggle Bug and begins a conversation.
QUEEN MOUSE
What is that strange creature?
FARAMANT
It’s the Emerald City, you’ll have to narrow it down.
QUEEN MOUSE
The one in the doorway making the commotion.
FARAMANT
Oh. I’m not sure. If I didn’t know better I’d have thought it looks like a giant Woggle Bug.
QUEEN MOUSE
That’s what I thought too, but they don’t come that size, surely? It’s taller than a man!
FARAMANT
It’s the land of Oz, your Grace, you find all sorts here. And I apologise if my comments before were insensitive, I was not intending them to be.
QUEEN MOUSE
Apology noted. You have until the end of the meal to make amends. Otherwise I’ll be reporting back to my council that the Emerald City is not in the business of making allies.
FARAMANT
Understood. What would you like to eat —
WOGGLE BUG
(charging into their table)
There you are, I’ve been looking for you.
WAITER
(close behind him)
Please, sir, you must —
WOGGLE BUG
Unhand me, minion, I have important business with the Guardian of the Gates!
FARAMANT
Do you mind, we’re having a private meeting and —
WOGGLE BUG
It’s imperative I speak with you.
WAITER
I’m going to call the guards —
WOGGLE BUG
(slowly and aggressively)
Go away you obnoxious little squirt.
QUEEN MOUSE
I know you, don’t I?
WOGGLE BUG
I can’t believe I’ve had the pleasure, my lady.
QUEEN MOUSE
It’s ‘Your Grace’, and I never said it was a pleasure.
(to Faramant)
Now I think of it, I’m reminded of tales of a giant woggle bug that’s been touring Munchkinland in the latter months of the war.
FARAMANT
Oh, I remember you now. You’ve been doing all those interviews with the press saying you’re a Munchkin expert or something.
WOGGLE BUG
Mr HM Woggle Bug, TE, at your service. And I have an urgent warning for you. I believe the Munchkins are going to attack the Emerald City!
INT. PALACE CORRIDOR
Jellia stomps along and is unhappy.
JELLIA JAMB
(to herself)
A Gillikin interpreter, for Lurline’s sake. Like I haven’t got enough to do around here without dealing with the Scarecrow’s flights of fancy. I’m never going to get those press releases written by the end of today —
PREENA
Oh Jellia Jamb!
JELLIA JAMB
(to herself)
Or by tomorrow it seems.
(to Preena)
Preena, I don’t have any time to answer questions right now.
PREENA
Jellia, have you heard anything —
JELLIA JAMB
But that’s not going to stop you asking them anyway.
PREENA
Have you heard anything further on what steps the Emerald City is taking relating to the Munchkin Crisis?
JELLIA JAMB
Are you still on that? Is it a slow news day? The crisis is over.
PREENA
I don’t think it’s as over as you think.
JELLIA JAMB
Then you need better sources, there is no more Munchkin Crisis. Unless you’re talking about whenever they try to meet standard height regulations — that’s off the record you can’t quote that.
PREENA
Then can I get a quote regarding the attack the Army of Revolt is about to launch on the City?
JELLIA JAMB
I have no comment to — wait, what?
Sudden alarm nearby.
INT. RESTAURANT
Quick cut to the business of the restaurant.
QUEEN MOUSE
Munchkins? Attacking here?
WOGGLE BUG
I promise you, it’s a real and credible threat. I’ve intercepted a signal —
FARAMANT
But the Munchkins are leaderless, how can —
Outside the building there’s an explosion. People scream and panic.
FARAMANT (cont’d)
What the hell —
QUEEN MOUSE
That was an explosion!
WOGGLE BUG
And so it begins!
FARAMANT
Outside. Look, on the Eastgate Bridge!
QUEEN MOUSE
Holy Lurline!
FARAMANT
Stay here, your Grace, both of you. I’m going to —
QUEEN MOUSE
Faramant, no!
FARAMANT
I need to get to a Ring and contact the Palace!
INT. THRONE ROOM
Omby Amby races in, to speak with the Scarecrow and Jack Pumpkinhead. Alarm continues in the distance.
OMBY AMBY
I’m sorry to interrupt, your Majesty —
SCARECROW
Interrupt away, what’s with the alarm?
OMBY AMBY
The Palace is under lockdown. Something’s happened in the City.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Something happened? What sort of something? Is it my Dad?
OMBY AMBY
What? No. It’s… hard to say at this stage, Sire.
SCARECROW
Are we under attack? It’s a very alarming alarm.
OMBY AMBY
I’m still waiting on confirmation, but it seems likely. There was an explosion in the eastern quarter.
SCARECROW
Oh no. The Munchkins?
OMBY AMBY
I can’t answer that yet, Sire.
SCARECROW
Is anyone injured?
OMBY AMBY
I don’t know. Please, your Majesty, stay in this room, don’t leave. As soon as I have more information I’ll let you know.
INT. PALACE CORRIDOR
Jellia and Preena face off.
JELLIA JAMB
What do you know, Preena? How did you know this would start?
PREENA
Who did you think laid the bomb?
JELLIA JAMB
That’s it, I’m calling a Storkguard —
PREENA
(pulling a knife)
Ah-uh. No you don’t.
JELLIA JAMB
Holding me at knife point won’t help you get that exclusive interview you know.
PREENA
Good thing I’ve got better ideas now. Move, Miss Jamb.
JELLIA JAMB
Where to?
PREENA
Security Office. Now.
EXT. EMERALD CITY RIVERBANK
Faramant, the Woggle Bug and the Queen Mouse stand in the doorway of the restaurant. Chaos surrounds them. Faramant talks on a Ring.
FARAMANT
Omby, it’s chaos down here. Smoke everywhere, people everywhere. I’m pretty sure there’s injuries but there’s no way to be sure, there’s only a handful of guards.
INT. THRONE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Omby continues the conversation.
OMBY AMBY
Do we know anything about the size of the explosion? Where it was placed?
FARAMANT
(distorted)
Negative, there’s nobody down here but me.
QUEEN MOUSE
(distorted)
And me.
FARAMANT
And her Grace, she’s safe.
(pause)
What? Oh, all right, and a Woggle Bug who wants it known that he told us so.
(to Woggle Bug)
Go away!
SCARECROW
We need people down there Omby.
OMBY AMBY
I know, but —
SCARECROW
He says people are injured. My subjects need help!
OMBY AMBY
I need to establish who we can spare to attend the scene —
SCARECROW
Send everybody! Find out who’s blowing up my city and help the people who need help. Quickly!
OMBY AMBY
Your Majesty, let me just investigate, there may be —
SCARECROW
Omby, that’s an order from your King. Send those people aid. Send all the guards!
OMBY AMBY
At once, Sire.
He hurries from the room.
INT. SECURITY OFFICE
Several security guards are scattered around the room.
OMBY AMBY
(PA)
Attention all available personnel. Please attend the central office for a briefing. Repeat, attend the central office for a briefing immediately.
The men leave as Preena and Jellia Jamb enter. The room is quickly emptied.
JELLIA JAMB
Must be a major disaster you’ve drummed up, if they’re leaving the security office unmanned.
PREENA
That’s the whole idea. Keep everyone’s attention down in the eastern quarter, while the real action is happening to the north.
JELLIA JAMB
What real action? What’s going on?
PREENA
You’ll find out. Now open the North Gate.
JELLIA JAMB
What?
PREENA
The Emerald City is under lockdown, standard emergency procedure. Protect the City, protect the Palace, seal the doors. But I want you to open the North Gate again.
JELLIA JAMB
I can’t do that. Who are you letting in?
PREENA
Open the gates, Jellia.
JELLIA JAMB
I don’t have that authority.
PREENA
Sure you do, you’re the Guardian of the People. All officers Guardian-class or above have total authority over lifting security seals. From my research it takes your hand print on that panel right here.
JELLIA JAMB
You’re really quite the investigative journalist, aren’t you?
PREENA
Now, Jellia. Otherwise I kill you and take your hand print anyway. I’d much rather do it this way though.
JELLIA JAMB
How do you know that it’ll work if I’m not alive?
PREENA
I’m more than willing to find out. It’s up to you.
Pause
JELLIA JAMB
Fine. I’ll do it. Under protest.
PREENA
Under knifepoint, the protest is redundant.
She walks over and releases the security. The machine pipes up.
EXT. NORTHERN GATE
The great gates of the Emerald City open and Jinjur’s army enter.
JINJUR
Welcome to the City of Emeralds, soldiers. Our agents have done their work. You’ll find little resistance, the city’s guards will be in the eastern quarter dealing with our distraction.
VICTON
What are your orders, Ma’am?
JINJUR
Head to the Palace. We will capture the Scarecrow and take the throne in the name of Munchkinland. Victory shall be our cry!
The army rushes forward, loud and angry. Tip is among them and begins an attempt to escape.
VICTON
Hey, where do you think you’re going?
TIP
Me? I’m just —
VICTON
Who untied you? How did you get loose?
TIP
Guess I’m lucky, I just… look, you’re at the Emerald City now, I can’t warn anyone you’re coming. You don’t need me as a hostage, right? Just let me go.
Victon draws his sword.
VICTON
You’re right, we don’t need you. Which means we might as well finish you off here and now.
Tip gasps in fear.
EXT. EMERALD CITY RIVERBANK
Slightly less chaotic as guards help people, but the sound of the army is heard in the distance.
QUEEN MOUSE
What was that?
FARAMANT
Oh not another crisis, we haven’t finished dealing with this one yet.
QUEEN MOUSE
Is that marching? It sounds like military boots.
FARAMANT
How can you tell?
QUEEN MOUSE
When you’re as small as we are, you learn to distinguish between the more dangerous kinds of footwear.
WOGGLE BUG
Oh no…
FARAMANT
Are you still here?
WOGGLE BUG
I knew this was going to happen. I knew the Munchkin crisis wasn’t over.
QUEEN MOUSE
What?
FARAMANT
What are you talking about? They’re not Munchkins.
WOGGLE BUG
I think you’ll find that they are, my dear fellow. I think you’ll find the Emerald City defences have just been breached.
FARAMANT
They’re heading towards the Palace aren’t they? Oh no…
INT. THRONE ROOM
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
I’m scared, Mister Scarecrow King. I don’t know what’s happening out there.
SCARECROW
That’s pretty much my default state since I was born.
OMBY AMBY
(on ring)
Right, thank you.
(to Scarecrow)
More news, Sire. An incursion at the north gate.
SCARECROW
Another explosion?
OMBY AMBY
Worse, an army. They’ve breached the defences and entered the City. Faramant thinks they’re Munchkins.
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Oh good, we can speak Munchkin.
OMBY AMBY
They’re coming for the Palace.
SCARECROW
Well stop them, Omby! Send guards after them!
OMBY AMBY
We can’t, your Majesty. You sent all your guards away! They’re either over the Munchkinland border attempting to keep peace, or they’re at the Eastgate bridge dealing with the explosion. I’ve ordered Faramant to redirect as many as he can, but…
SCARECROW
What? What!?
OMBY AMBY
Your Majesty, they won’t be here in time. You have to prepare yourself for a siege. The Emerald City has been invaded!
CLOSING CREDITS