Read the production script for Episode 4 of The Chronicles of Oz: Ozma of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Four
PREVIOUSLY
Recap of the previous episodes.
EXT. KANSAS – DAY
Slight wind blows, but nothing to distinguish where we are just yet. Ozma introduces the episode.
OZMA (V.O.)
Once upon a time, in the land of Oz, lived the kindest king the country had ever known. His name was Pastoria, and the people of Oz loved him.
He came to the throne young — not even a teenager — but over the course of thirty years he blossomed into a wise and benevolent king. His reign was fairly plain when compared to his predecessors. He didn’t conquer other lands, he didn’t win any major battles. Except one — the Battle of the Witches.
For it was while Pastoria was king that the Witches of Oz rose in power, and began to control the corners of Oz. Some were good, some were wicked, and they frequently squabbled with each other. The balance of power constantly shifted between them, as one witch would topple another allowing them control of a realm, leaving another to plot revenge. It was a fraught time — and Pastoria was in the centre of it all.
For if Pastoria was to be remembered for anything at all, it’s for his diplomacy. He had an ability to see all sides of an argument, and to help others see it too. When a witch in the east collided with a witch in the north, Pastoria was there, peacemaking. Showing them how to see things from the other’s point of view.
He wasn’t always successful, of course, for witches can be fickle beings. But it was his legacy that despite this magical chaos, Oz remained at peace. And when King Pastoria died — of a broken heart they say, when his queen left this world before him — the country mourned. Even the wicked witches. For without my father, Oz would never be the same again.
And I would have liked to have met him.
As the following exchange takes place, their voices get increasingly more echoey, fading away. We’re inside Dorothy’s head, and she’s falling further into unconsciousness.
BILLINA
(terrified)
What are you going to do, Princess Ozma?
OZMA
I… I…
TIK-TOK
I do not believe Miss Gale is dead.
BILLINA
She’s not moving!!
TIK-TOK
Please calm down, Mrs Hen.
BILLINA
She’s bleeding from the head, she’s not exactly doing fine is she?!
OZMA
Dorothy? Dorothy can you hear me? Dorothy?
Ozma’s calls fade into nothing. The sounds of the Kansas farm have arrived.
DOROTHY
Toto? Toto, where are you? Come on out you little scallywag, I know you’re hiding somewhere.
WITCH
What are you doing, Miss Gale?
DOROTHY
I know Toto is around here somewhere…
WITCH
What is this? Remedial agriculture? It’s boring, it’s dusty and… oh. Of course. It’s your home. Kan-can or whatever.
DOROTHY
Toto?
WITCH
You’re fooling nobody, Miss Gale. You know what’s happening, and you need to do something about it.
DOROTHY
I don’t know what you mean. I’m looking for Toto.
WITCH
Oh for Lurline’s sake… Dorothy, you have to wake up.
DOROTHY
I can’t wake up.
WITCH
You don’t want to be here anyway, remember?
DOROTHY
There’s no place like home…
WITCH
This is not your home, this is in your mind, and you don’t have time. We need you awake so you can rescue your idiot friends.
DOROTHY
I don’t need any friends. I have Toto.
WITCH
That mutt isn’t real either. This isn’t your home. You’ve been hit on the head and you’ve retreated into… whatever this is.
DOROTHY
No, I’m where I need to be. I’m Dorothy, and I have to get home to Kansas. And all I keep telling everybody is I want to go home. And they sent me home.
WITCH
Shut up and listen! You’re unconscious, and you’re getting worse, and unless you start trying to dig yourself out of it, you’re going to go under. And worse, you’ll drag me down with you. So for the last time, Miss Gale. Wake! Up!
DOROTHY
Do you hear that?
WITCH
What?
DOROTHY
That noise. That… wind.
The sound of the tornado builds.
DOROTHY (cont’d)
It’s coming. It’s happening again.
WITCH
(nonplussed)
Oh, it’s the tornado.
DOROTHY
It’s coming to take me away. I have to run. Come on, Toto, we have to get away.
WITCH
This is a metaphor, and it’s a poor one at that. You have a terrible imagination, Miss Gale.
DOROTHY
We need to run, come on Toto.
WITCH
It’s signifying something you want to avoid, and right now that’s reality. You need to run towards the cyclone.
DOROTHY
No. No, I can’t. We have to get away.
WITCH
Run towards it, Dorothy. Into the house, into the tornado, cause that’s the way you get to Oz.
DOROTHY
No, I mustn’t! Can’t go back to Oz! I can’t, I can’t!
WITCH
You don’t have a choice. Wake up, Dorothy! WAKE UP!
The tornado has built to a crescendo, then suddenly stops.
EXT. CAMPSITE
Dorothy awakes with a gasp.
BILLINA
Dorothy, you’re ok!
OZMA
I’m glad!
DOROTHY
Ow, my head…
TIK-TOK
You have sustained a trauma to your cranium, you should not move too quickly.
DOROTHY
The robot things came and… where are the others?
OZMA
They’ve —
BILLINA
The robots took them away!
DOROTHY
And you haven’t gone to rescue them yet?
OZMA
We were waiting for you, Miss Head Injury! We couldn’t exactly move you while you were unconscious, and we weren’t going to leave you behind.
DOROTHY
How long have I been out? When did it become daytime?
TIK-TOK
You have slept for six hours, twenty-six minutes and fifteen seconds.
DOROTHY
Anything could have happened in that time. We need to go after them.
She tries to stand up, then winces at the pain.
BILLINA
Will you lie back down please, missy?
DOROTHY
I’m so dizzy…
OZMA
You have a head injury, you shouldn’t move.
DOROTHY
I need to rescue them.
TIK-TOK
I will see to the rescue of the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion.
DOROTHY
You’ll just mess it up. I know those guys, I know what they’ll be… oww… I’m ok I promise.
BILLINA
The hell you’re not, you’re as white as a ghost!
DOROTHY
Well you’re yellow, you don’t see me making comment.
OZMA
Billina‘s right, you’re still not well. We’ll send Tik-Tok — we all know he’s more than capable of taking on those things.
TIK-TOK
According to your description, it appears we may be related.
BILLINA
You can’t go on your own though.
DOROTHY
Agreed.
OZMA
Billina should go with you.
BILLINA
Wait, what?
DOROTHY
Are you kidding?
OZMA
She can be an extra pair of eyes, Tik-Tok. And she’s not dumb — she’ll help you out, I just know it.
BILLINA
Oh. I’m not dumb. Probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
OZMA
And I’ll stay here and look after Dorothy.
DOROTHY
Oh. Joy.
BILLINA
Are you sure? ‘Cause I could stay and —
OZMA
Billina, you don’t have opposable thumbs, what if Dorothy needs help with something?
BILLINA
I’ve got a beak that can peck your eyes out you know —
DOROTHY
Billina just go. I’ll be ok. The others need you more.
TIK-TOK
The longer we delay the less likely I will be able to follow their trail.
BILLINA
Well… fine. But I get to ride on your head Tik-Tok.
TIK-TOK
These terms are acceptable.
Billina flies up and lands on Tik-Tok’s head.
OZMA
Good luck, to both of you!
DOROTHY
As soon as I’m well, we’re coming after you!
Tik-Tok stomps away with Billina.
TIK-TOK
(leaving)
We will return as soon as possible.
OZMA
I hope they find them. And I really hope the others aren’t in too much trouble.
DOROTHY
They’re my friends. I know them better than anyone. Of course they’re in too much trouble.
INT. LABORATORY
Dr Nikidik continues his examination of the Lion. The beast wails in pain.
LION
Aggghghhghggh!
TIN WOODMAN
Stop it, you’re hurting him!
DR NIKIDIK
I’m doing nothing of the kind.
LION
Whatever you want to know, I’ll tell you, I promise.
DR NIKIDIK
I’m merely taking your temperature. Hold still.
(Nikidik extracts a device from the Lion)
A hundred and two degrees.
(He writes it down)
LION
You try staying cool when someone shoves a stick up your bum.
DR NIKIDIK
Perfectly reasonable internal temperature for a lion. Interesting. To all intents and purposes, you’re just an everyday beast. So why is it you can talk? How is it you can reason and argue?
LION
I can bite too, you know.
DR NIKIDIK
Well, for a lion that’s not so unusual. I will unravel your secrets. For all of you.
TIN WOODMAN
We’re not going to tell you anything, Nincompoop.
DR NIKIDIK
That’s Nikidik. And you won’t have a choice in the matter —
He’s interrupted by a Grommetik buzzing into life on the other side of the room. The Scarecrow cries out in pain.
SCARECROW
Ahh!
DR NIKIDIK
Well look what we have here. An escapee.
TIN WOODMAN
Oh Scarecrow…
SCARECROW
Sorry guys. I got spotted.
DR NIKIDIK
How did you… never mind, it’s obvious in hindsight. Cloth hands stuffed with straw were never going to be held by manacles.
SCARECROW
Yeah, you probably should have thought of that before — ow! Nikidik, your machine is hurting me.
DR NIKIDIK
I doubt you can actually feel pain in any real sense. But perhaps it’s time I moved on to establishing this for sure.
SCARECROW
Wait, what?
DR NIKIDIK
Grommetik, please bring the specimen to the table. Assist me to place it into position.
The Grommetik begins to drag Scarecrow to the centre of the room.
SCARECROW
What? No, what are you going to do? Stop it, stop it.
LION
Hey, put him down!
TIN WOODMAN
I’m warning you, Nikidik!
DR NIKIDIK
Quiet, all of you.
(to Grommetik)
Yes, attach him to the table, I don’t want him to escape on me again.
SCARECROW
You can’t do this to me. I’m the King of Oz you know!
TIN WOODMAN
Ahem.
SCARECROW
Former.
TIN WOODMAN
We’re very important leaders. Hurting us will not go well with you, trust me.
DR NIKIDIK
Fascinating. The imagination developed by you creatures is astounding. Completely fanciful, of course, there’s no such thing.
LION
Of course there is!
DR NIKIDIK
I know of all the realms this side of the desert, and this ‘Oz’ is not one of them.
TIN WOODMAN
That’s because Oz is on the other side of the desert!
DR NIKIDIK
Nonsense, nothing lives past the desert, it’s a well known fact.
TIN WOODMAN
No, listen —
DR NIKIDIK
Enough. Grommetik, ensure they stay silent. I need to concentrate while I operate.
SCARECROW
Operate? Wait, what?
DR NIKIDIK
Well how else am I going to determine what keeps you animated?
SCARECROW
We already told you! Magic!
DR NIKIDIK
And like this land of Oz, magic does not exist. No, I will find out the secrets of your animation. If I can determine this, then there’s no limit to what I can achieve. I will discover how to make inanimate objects take on a life of their own.
TIN WOODMAN
Someone beat you to that long ago. With magic!
DR NIKIDIK
Grommetik, shut him up, please.
The Grommetik buzzes over and zaps the Tin Woodman with an electric shock. He screams and is silent.
LION
Tin Woodman!!
DR NIKIDIK
Now. To begin!
SCARECROW
Please… please don’t hurt me.
DR NIKIDIK
The less you move the quicker this will be. Now, I will begin by picking apart the seam that connects the head portion to the neck…
He starts to cut away at the Scarecrow’s seams. The Scarecrow screams.
Suddenly there’s a thunderclap, and the room goes dark. All the equipment slows to a stop.
SCARECROW
I’ve gone blind!!!!
DR NIKIDIK
The generator has blown. The timing simply could not be worse!
He slams down his scalpel and marches to the door.
DR NIKIDIK (cont’d)
I cannot work without proper lighting!
He exits. Moment of silence.
LION
Scarecrow, are you ok?
SCARECROW
I think so. I don’t know what he’s cut off, but I think it might be my head.
LION
Not for the first time, though.
SCARECROW
Nor the second time, but still.
LION
Second time? Oh that must have been on that adventure you had that I wasn’t invited on —
SCARECROW
Will you shut up about that and check on the Tin Woodman!
LION
I think… he’s asleep.
SCARECROW
The Tin Woodman doesn’t sleep!
LION
He’s not moving. I don’t know what the Tik-Tok thing did to him but…
SCARECROW
Well this is great. None of us can see, I’m tied to a table with half my head cut off, you’re tied up and the Tin Woodman is dead to the world. I might have an amazing brain, but I’ve got no idea about how we’re getting out of this one.
The Lion starts straining against his chains.
LION
Uuuuuugggghhh! Ugghhhhhhh, oh come on you bastard….
SCARECROW
You’re never going to snap your chains, Lion.
LION
You don’t know how determined I am. Uuuuuuuuuugh!
SCARECROW
They’re made of metal. You’re going to injure yourself, stop it.
LION
Uuuuuuuuuuugh-ah!
The chain snaps, freeing the Lion.
LION (cont’d)
You were saying?
SCARECROW
Ok, so you are that determined, well done.
The Grommetik buzzes into life again.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
Oh, you forgot about the —
LION
I didn’t forget.
He roars at the robot as it starts to attack him. The two creatures battle it out.
SCARECROW
Look out, Lion! These things are fiercer than they look!
LION
Stop distracting me!
SCARECROW
Sorry!
With an almighty thump the Lion swipes at the Grommetik, sending it crashing into a wall. With a smash it goes silent.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
Did you kill it?
LION
It’s not moving.
SCARECROW
That doesn’t mean anything, it might wake up.
LION
Let’s get you free before that happens.
The Lion heads over to the Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
I think he tied me to the table.
LION
(releasing him, talking through clenched teeth)
Not any more.
SCARECROW
What did you say?
LION
I said not any more. You try untying ropes with your mouth and talk. Can you stand up?
SCARECROW
I think so. Let me — whoah!
LION
Holy Lurline!
SCARECROW
My head! It’s half falling off my neck!
LION
It looks horrible! Does it hurt?
SCARECROW
It’s not comfortable. I need to sew it back on.
LION
I don’t think we have time for that, he’ll be back before you know it. You’ll have to make do.
SCARECROW
Let’s check on the Tin Woodman.
The Scarecrow gets up and heads across to the Tin Woodman, and starts banging on his chest.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
Hello! Wakey wakey!
LION
You think you can just wake him up like that?
SCARECROW
I’ve never seen him asleep before, I’ve got no idea how to wake him. Let’s set him loose at least.
LION
How?
SCARECROW
I have a key.
LION
When did you get the key?
SCARECROW
Found it before the Grommetik caught me — do I have to explain every step of this thing? Start thinking of a way to get out of here.
LION
Well, I was thinking maybe we could put a head on a couch and attach some leaves, sprinkle it with magic powder and make a magic flying machine, how does that sound?
SCARECROW
You’re never going to let that go, are you?
TIN WOODMAN
(waking up)
Scarecrow…?
SCARECROW
Yes? Tin Woodman, are you still with us?
TIN WOODMAN
What the hell happened to your head?
SCARECROW
Don’t ask. Let me get your other arm unchained.
TIN WOODMAN
I mean, it’s more lopsided than usual.
LION
We’ll explain on the way.
TIN WOODMAN
On the way to where?
SCARECROW
On the way out, of course. We’re going to escape!
TIN WOODMAN
But what about Doctor Whoever-He-Was?
Down the corridor, we hear Dr Nikidik muttering.
DR NIKIDIK
I knew I should have gathered my tools with me first. Such a bloody waste of time…
LION
Speaking of which.
SCARECROW
I have an idea.
TIN WOODMAN
Uh-oh.
SCARECROW
Shut up. Lion, get behind the door.
LION
What, why would I —
(realising)
— ohhh!
The Lion bounds over and hides, as Dr Nikidik enters.
DR NIKIDIK
I’ll be back with you in a moment you — what?
The Lion roars, Nikidik jumps and screams. The Tin Woodman lurches over and holds him tight.
TIN WOODMAN
Make one more move, Doctor, and I’ll let my friend here rip your head off.
SCARECROW
He’s hungry you know.
TIN WOODMAN
Very hungry.
LION
Back in Oz they like to call me the Hungry Lion! I prefer to eat babies, but you’ll do for now…
Pause
SCARECROW
What?
DR NIKIDIK
You’ll… you’ll never escape you know. Grommetiks! Grommetiks, get to the laboratory at once —
TIN WOODMAN
No you don’t. If more of those things come in here I’ll snap your neck before they can touch us.
DR NIKIDIK
You’re a fool then. All of you! Killing me will initiate their vengeance programming. You’ll never leave here alive.
SCARECROW
Well that’s ok then. I don’t think we’re technically alive anyway.
LION
Well I am.
SCARECROW
Sucks to be you then.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop it you two. Now, Nincompoop —
DR NIKIDIK
Nikidik.
TIN WOODMAN
Whatever. We don’t want any trouble. We don’t care what you’re doing here with your little mechanical creatures. We just want to leave. Get back to our friends, and continue our journey to the Nome King. We’re quite happy to leave you unharmed. If you’ll just show us the way out. How does that sound?
DR NIKIDIK
I… I…
The Lion roars. Nikidik yelps.
SCARECROW
Answer quick or the Lion will eat you.
TIN WOODMAN
Or I’ll break your neck, you’ve got a wide range of threats going on right now.
DR NIKIDIK
In… in my pocket. There’s something that will help you.
TIN WOODMAN
There is?
DR NIKIDIK
My left breast pocket. Just there. I can’t reach it, but if you could…
TIN WOODMAN
(reaching in)
What in Oz could be in your pocket that — agghhhgh!
He snaps it back out, howling in pain.
SCARECROW
Tin Woodman!
DR NIKIDIK
A powerful electromagnet, that’s what! I suspected with physical touch it’d cause you immense pain, and my hypothesis has been proven correct!
TIN WOODMAN
Get it off me! Get it off me!
SCARECROW
I can’t, it’s stuck.
LION
I’m going to rip you apart, you monster!
DR NIKIDIK
Sure you will. Grommetiks! Attack the specimens! There will be no further need to take them alive! Have them destroyed.
The Grommetiks enter the room, buzzing and ticking with menace.
TIN WOODMAN
It hurts, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
I’m doing my best.
LION
I’m not kidding, Nikidik! I’ll end you!
DR NIKIDIK
If you were going to hurt me, you’d have done it already. I’ve nothing to fear from a cowardly lion. Grommetiks, on my command —
SCARECROW
(wrenching the magnet from the Tin Woodman)
Got it!
DR NIKIDIK
What?
SCARECROW
And now for the nearest Grommetik —
He slams it on the nearest Grommetik, who starts to spark and go haywire.
LION
What —
SCARECROW
I thought if that thing could hurt the Tin Woodman it could hurt these things too. Wizard gave me a brain, remember!
TIN WOODMAN
Explain later, run now.
LION
I’m right in front of you!
DR NIKIDIK
No, stop! After them, Grommetiks! I want the specimens destroyed! They must not be allowed to escape!
INT. CORRIDOR
The Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion run away from the laboratory.
DR NIKIDIK
(from afar)
Destroy all of them now!
SCARECROW
He’s not happy.
LION
Are you all right?
TIN WOODMAN
I will be. Which way do we go?
SCARECROW
That way seems a very nice way.
TIN WOODMAN
Well —
SCARECROW
It’s pleasant down that way too.
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow —
SCARECROW
Of course, people probably do go both ways.
TIN WOODMAN
You’re doing that on purpose, stop it!
SCARECROW
I can’t help it! I’m scared, and when I’m scared I say stupid things.
LION
So you’re scared all the time then?
SCARECROW
I will slap you, you know.
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up. We’re going this way.
LION
Why?
TIN WOODMAN
Because we have to pick a way and it might as well be that way.
LION
Well why not the other way?
The Grommetiks start coming up behind them.
TIN WOODMAN
When we die it’s going to be because of you two, you know that right?
SCARECROW
Oooh, he’s so rude under pressure.
LION
I know, right?
TIN WOODMAN
Get a shift on!
They keep running. The Grommetiks advance.
EXT. CAMPSITE
Later the same day. Dorothy lies on the ground, propped up by rocks, while Ozma approaches.
OZMA
(cheerful)
You’re still here then!
DOROTHY
(weary)
Yes. Still here.
OZMA
Don’t want you wandering off.
DOROTHY
Well standing up still makes me dizzy, so that’s unlikely.
OZMA
Here, I found this in the wreckage of the chariot. Bits of cushion and things. It’s not much of a pillow but it might be more comfortable than that rock.
She starts to help Dorothy place them under her head.
DOROTHY
Thanks. That’s… better.
OZMA
It is?
DOROTHY
Not really, but you know. Thanks for trying.
OZMA
Sorry.
Pause. Then Dorothy cries out in frustration.
DOROTHY
Dammit!
OZMA
Are you ok? Dorothy?
DOROTHY
I should be up and moving! My friends need me, I know they do!
OZMA
Tik-Tok can —
DOROTHY
Tik-Tok can do anything, that’s not the point, I should be helping them out! That’s what I do, it’s what we always did, had each others backs, got each other out of scrapes. I need to go after them…
OZMA
Well go on then. Stand up.
DOROTHY
You’re only saying that because you know I can’t.
OZMA
Yup.
DOROTHY
You’re horrible. This is pretty much all your fault.
OZMA
Mine? How?
DOROTHY
You got us to this point. If you hadn’t pushed us to go on this stupid trip, hadn’t listened when we said we had to go back —
OZMA
But how was I to know —
DOROTHY
Because we told you! We said right at the start, going to the Nome King was a bad idea. But no. You were all ‘I gotta save the Queen of Ev, I gotta make myself look amazing, I’m going to be awesome…’ I swear, Princess, if I lose my best friends because of your stupid need to impress everyone —
OZMA
I didn’t want this to happen, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
Well, it’s happening. And typically I have to clean up everyone else’s mess.
OZMA
That’s not fair.
DOROTHY
Well, boo-hoo for you.
OZMA
I’m doing what I can here. I’m trying to… trying to make everything better. I’m doing the best I can.
DOROTHY
Really? Then why aren’t you off with Tik-Tok and Billina rescuing them?
OZMA
Because I’m looking after you! Or would you rather I left you alone in the rocks to just die of a brain haemorrhage?
DOROTHY
That’s not why you stayed, and we both know it.
OZMA
I —
Pause — Ozma has nothing to say.
OZMA (cont’d)
I guess you’d have done everything differently, back in the good old days.
DOROTHY
You bet.
OZMA
When you were killing witches and Kalidahs and whatever else you did that week. So tell me, Farm Girl, what would you do different?
DOROTHY
I wouldn’t have come out in the first place. I wouldn’t have taken that risk with the Iron Giant —
OZMA
You’d go back to Oz and get the army.
(pause)
You didn’t need an army.
DOROTHY
What?
OZMA
When you killed the witches. When you chased the Wizard out of the Emerald City. You didn’t have an army. You had exactly the same people I had when I set out on this adventure. Plus the Silver Slippers which you didn’t know how to use.
DOROTHY
And my little dog too.
OZMA
So why is it that you’re this great, amazing saviour of Oz and I’m … I don’t even know what I am.
DOROTHY
I’m no saviour, Princess, trust me.
OZMA
You don’t get to do what you did and not become legendary, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
I… I wasn’t trying to be legendary. I just… all that stuff just … happened. A lot. All I was doing was trying to go home.
OZMA
Is that the secret then? Because between you, me and the rocks, I’d love to be back home right now.
DOROTHY
That makes one of us.
OZMA
What?
DOROTHY
Nothing.
OZMA
Don’t you want to go home?
DOROTHY
Not with a headache like this I don’t.
Pause. Ozma glares.
DOROTHY (cont’d)
What? Don’t give me that look. Stop it.
OZMA
Dorothy?
DOROTHY
I think I need to sleep for a bit, go away.
OZMA
Why don’t you want to go home, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
It doesn’t matter. You won’t understand.
OZMA
Maybe not. Tell me anyway.
DOROTHY
It’s hard to explain.
OZMA
Dorothy.
DOROTHY
It’s just… things aren’t so great at home anymore. You know I live on a farm, right?
OZMA
In Kansas.
DOROTHY
Right. Except since the tornado, there’s not much of a farm left. We’re barely living in a house.
OZMA
Which is why you were on a ship to visit family, you said. So you can get more money?
DOROTHY
Have you ever been without money, Princess? It’s not fun. Pushes even the greatest relationships to their limits. Even with your favourite aunts and uncles.
OZMA
Oh.
DOROTHY
When I went back home, Henry and Em were so happy. They thought they’d lost me and I… but that wore off. We were still homeless, broke, had no insurance. And I think, in a way, they blamed me for what happened to us. For losing everything.
OZMA
But it wasn’t your fault.
DOROTHY
I know that. And I think they do too, in their way. But it’s been… tense. We argue, like, all the time. Over the most stupid things. Like what groceries Em brought home, or how the latest meeting with the bank went and… and it’s not like I can really tell them about Oz, so there’s the question of where I was all that time hanging over them.
OZMA
It must be hard.
DOROTHY
It is. I love Uncle Henry and Aunt Em, of course I do. I just … don’t want to go back.
OZMA
You could always stay in Oz, you know.
DOROTHY
(sarcastic)
Ha! Oh yeah, that’d be awesome.
OZMA
I’m serious. I’d bet Omby could find a place for you in the Emerald City.
DOROTHY
I doubt even the Emerald City is big enough for the both of us, Princess.
OZMA
Perhaps not.
(pause)
How’s your head feeling?
DOROTHY
Better. Thank you for the pillows.
OZMA
They helping?
DOROTHY
A little. I’m… actually feeling a bit sleepy.
OZMA
(chuckling)
Should I look around for poppies, just in case?
DOROTHY
Is there anything about my last visit they didn’t tell you about?
OZMA
Not really, they covered basically everything. Ever since I transformed from being a boy, all I’ve heard about is you and your amazing adventures down the Yellow Brick Road… Dorothy? Dorothy, are you ok?
She rushes to Dorothy’s side.
OZMA (cont’d)
Dorothy, don’t fall asleep! Dorothy! Dorothy!!!
INT. CORRIDOR
The Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion continue to be chased by Grommetiks.
SCARECROW
We’re in trouble!
LION
What makes you say that?
TIN WOODMAN
Because we’re not getting any closer to an exit and those things keep getting closer to us!
SCARECROW
Yes, but not just that. We keep going downwards.
LION
We are?
TIN WOODMAN
Yeah, I was just thinking that myself, we’re getting deeper.
LION
Then we’re going the wrong way! We should be going up, towards the surface!
TIN WOODMAN
Great, not a problem then. Just explain that to the Grommetik things blocking all our paths upwards and I’m sure they’ll let us through.
LION
Sarcasm achieves nothing.
TIN WOODMAN
It gives me a happy!
SCARECROW
Look!
LION
Look where? It’s so dark in these tunnels…
TIN WOODMAN
I thought cats could see in the dark?
LION
I thought tin woodmen could use other forms of humour beyond sarcasm!
SCARECROW
Shut up, both of you, there’s a door here.
LION
I don’t think we should go in there.
TIN WOODMAN
You never think we should go in there. We’re going in there.
LION
Why?
SCARECROW
Because there’s Grommetiks coming up behind us, move!
Scarecrow throws the door open and they rush inside.
INT. SPECIMEN CHAMBER
Big room, stone walls. In a honeycomb shape along the far wall are a lot of individual cells with creatures behind the doors. We can hear the different animal sounds wailing, quietly.
The Scarecrow, Tin Woodman and Lion enter and close the door behind them.
TIN WOODMAN
Goodness!
LION
I said we shouldn’t come in here.
TIN WOODMAN
What the hell is this?
SCARECROW
A… menagerie? A zoo? I don’t know what you’d call it.
TIN WOODMAN
Doctor Whatsisname called us specimens, didn’t he?
SCARECROW
That’s right.
TIN WOODMAN
I bet this is where we were going to end up, when he was done with us. Just like all these poor creatures…
LION
All the more reason we should get away from here! You don’t think the Grommetiks driving us here was a coincidence do you?
SCARECROW
You make a pretty good point.
TIN WOODMAN
We’re not going.
LION
We’re not?
TIN WOODMAN
Not without helping these creatures. Look, he must have about twenty of them locked away in here.
SCARECROW
Tin Woodman, are you thinking of —
TIN WOODMAN
They’re in pain! They can barely stand up in their little cells and… Help me with the doors, we’re letting them out.
The Tin Woodman heads to the wall and starts pulling on the nearest door. It won’t budge.
TIN WOODMAN (cont’d)
It won’t budge!
SCARECROW
It’s locked mechanically. Hang on, there’s some controls over here…
The Scarecrow approaches the controls and pulls a lever. All the doors unlatch and swing open, the creatures’ sounds more pronounced and louder.
SCARECROW (cont’d)
There we go. All free.
TIN WOODMAN
(to the creatures)
Come on! Come on, you’re free now! You’re not prisoners anymore! You can escape! Fly! Fly!
LION
Umm, Tin Woodman…
TIN WOODMAN
What?
LION
I don’t think you should have done that…
TIN WOODMAN
Why not?
LION
‘Cause I think they’re going to do what you say…
TIN WOODMAN
Huh? Whoah!
Suddenly the creatures realise they’ve escaped and rush the door, knocking the Tin Woodman and the Lion aside roughly. The room is in utter chaos as they leave.
TIN WOODMAN (cont’d)
That’s it! Run! Run away fellow prisoners!
SCARECROW
You happy now?
TIN WOODMAN
Very much so, thanks.
SCARECROW
Can we get back to escaping ourselves now?
TIN WOODMAN
Sure.
LION
Wait, we missed one.
TIN WOODMAN
We did?
LION
In the cell in the corner there.
(to the prisoner)
Hey there little guy. Can you talk? Are you ok?
TIN WOODMAN
What’s your name?
KALIKO
My… my name is Kaliko. Are you going to help me escape?
SCARECROW
Sure we are. We’re trying to escape too.
TIN WOODMAN
Come on up, little guy. Let’s get you out of here.
They leave the room.
EXT. MOUNT PHANTASTICO
Ozma is climbing rocks up the mountain.
OZMA (V.O.)
I couldn’t wake Dorothy — she was dead to the world. No, not dead, bad choice of words. She was alive. But people with head injuries aren’t supposed to sleep, so I heard. But no matter what I did, she wouldn’t wake up. So I decided I needed some help.
I made the decision. I had to leave Dorothy where she was and look for something to help me wake her. So I started walking the path up the mountain beside us. Maybe I’d find water to splash in her face. Or some mystic herbs or roots. Oh, I don’t know, a mountain hospital that could give her expert medical care. Perhaps not. But I couldn’t just sit there. Had to do something.
So I went up the mountain, climbing over rocks and stones and finding the best path I could. And the higher I went the more a chilling mist surrounded me. And when I realised I couldn’t see the campsite anymore, I stopped.
OZMA
(out of breath)
That was smart. Go climb a mountain.
PHANFASM
You’ve climbed our mountain!
OZMA
(scared)
Who was that?
PHANFASM
This is our place! You should not be here!
OZMA
Here? Where’s here? Who is that, show yourself!
PHANFASM
You tread upon the ground of Mount Fantastico.
OZMA
Am I trespassing? I didn’t mean —
PHANFASM
You should not be here!
OZMA
I… I am Princess Ozma of Oz, I ask that you identify yourself.
PHANFASM
We are many, we are one.
OZMA
How many of you are there?
PHANFASM
We are the Phanfasms.
OZMA
Phantasms?
PHANFASM
Phanfasms!
OZMA
With an extra ‘f’?
PHANFASM
The First and Foremost should see you. The First and Foremost will know what to do with you.
OZMA
(uncertainly)
I should warn you, I’m a descendant of the Fairy Queen Lurline.
PHANFASM
We fear not the fairies.
OZMA
Well that’s just foolish then.
PHANFASM
What is it you fear most, Ozma of Oz? What terrors lurk in the innermost thoughts in your mind?
OZMA
What do you mean? Who are you really?
PHANFASM
The First and Foremost will know what you are. You shall be shown!
OZMA
(still unconvincingly)
Look, enough‘s enough. I don’t want to use my fairy powers if I don’t have to, but if you leave me no choice —
TIP
What are you going to do, Princess Ozma? Disappear a door on them?
OZMA
(gasp)
Tip!?
TIP
You know, doing magic on doors is really my thing. I’m pleased you’re recycling the classics, but come on, get your own material.
OZMA
Tip! You’re here, you’re really here! I thought you were gone, you —
TIP
You thought you killed me didn’t you? Think again, Princess.
OZMA
I’ve missed you.
TIP
Did you? Funny that. Since it’s because of you I died. You forgot that bit, didn’t you? The part where I had to sacrifice myself so that you could do whatever it is you’re doing.
OZMA
It wasn’t like that. I needed to come back so that the Fountain of Oblivion —
TIP
Did you though? Or was that something you said just to get what you wanted? You were in my head, Ozma. This whiny, annoying little voice, begging me to die so you could live. And I listened like the chump I am. And look what you’re doing with my life now you’ve got it.
OZMA
Tip, no…
TIP
Maybe I should have been here instead of you. Maybe Oz should have had me as its king. Do you think I’d do a better job than you, Ozma? Do you think I’d be as lost in the land of Ev as you are?
OZMA
Tip, stop, this isn’t like you.
TIP
You’d be surprised how death can change a guy. Change you in an instant. A moment.
DOROTHY
Hey, that’s my line.
TIP
Sorry. Call it a homage.
OZMA
Dorothy? You’re ok! You’re awake!
DOROTHY
She hasn’t worked it out, has she?
TIP
Not really. She’s a bit slow this one.
DOROTHY
She’s really not doing as good a job of this as we did.
TIP
Nah, but did you expect her to?
DOROTHY
Back in my day we told the story properly. None of this whining or bitching —
TIP
Well be fair, you did a lot of bitching yourself, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
I did not!
TIP
‘Oh whaaa, I miss my Aunty Em and Uncle Henry, whaaa, the Lion was mean to my dog –‘
DOROTHY
Oh, and what about you? Mr ‘oh Mombi wants to turn me into a marble statue my life is so hard.’ Don’t think I wasn’t listening, Tip, cause I was.
OZMA
What are you talking about? Who are you?
DOROTHY
Oh, finally she gets it.
TIP
She’s worked out we’re not really us. Took her way too long though. Maybe I should take charge again?
DOROTHY
Or me. Either of us would do better than she’s doing right now.
OZMA
You can’t be queen, Dorothy. You come from Kansas. And Tip, you’re dead. I don’t know what this is or who you are, but you’re dead.
TIP
We’re merely echoing what’s in your mind, Ozma. There’s so many insecurities in there, it’s delicious.
OZMA
What do you want?
TIP
To know what you want, obviously. And we already know that you’re never going to get it.
DOROTHY
You want to be queen soooo badly.
TIP
But how can you possibly live up to what’s gone on before?
OZMA
I… I’m going to be a great queen —
JINJUR
Greater than me? Please, I was on the throne for five minutes and started a genocide. And I’m already outshining you.
OZMA
General Jinjur!
JINJUR
That’s Queen Jinjur, thank you.
SCARECROW
I suppose I could take the crown again. I mean, I was a terrible King, but we have to agree I was better than Ozma’s going to be, right?
JINJUR
You have a point there.
OZMA
Scarecrow, how could you say —
SCARECROW
I just wanted to say, Jinjur, we never actually got to talk in the last adventure, which I thought was a bit of a shame since we were fighting over the same throne and all —
JINJUR
Please don’t address me directly, you stuffed idiot, I’ve got to keep some standards.
DOROTHY
What standards? You’re dead.
WIZARD
I’m not dead. At least, not so far as anyone knows. Perhaps I should take over again. Let’s face it, I’ve got more experience ruling Oz than any of you.
OZMA
The Wizard of Oz?
WIZARD
That’s Wonderful Wizard, thank you. So. Ozma the Great and Terrible. All grown up. Everyone had such high hopes for you, didn’t they. That mythical Lost Princess.
SCARECROW
Yeah, but then we found her, didn’t we. These myths never live up to their expectations.
JINJUR
She’s got no experience ruling anything, has she? The only qualification she’s got is that she was born.
TIP
She didn’t even have a real life until this year. That life was mine.
WIZARD
I really think it’s time we picked a new queen. Any volunteers?
JINJUR
Ooh! Me!
SCARECROW
Well that was predictable.
WIZARD
Anyone else? Can we resurrect old King Pastoria? He’d be better than Ozma, surely?
SCARECROW
No wait, I have an idea. Let’s pick Dorothy!
OZMA
What?
WIZARD
Oh, now that’s some good thinking, Scarecrow. You sure got some good brains from me.
JINJUR
Naturally my first choice is myself, but since I’m dead, I guess…
SCARECROW
Then it’s settled then! Dorothy shall be our new queen!
WIZARD
Hail to Dorothy!
JINJUR
Hail to Dorothy!
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Hey Dad! Dad!
OZMA
Jack Pumpkinhead? You’re here too?
JACK PUMPKINHEAD
Is it all right if I make Dorothy my new Mum? I’ll even call you Mum if you like, Dorothy!
DOROTHY
Guys, guys, I’m honoured. But don’t you think that Ozma should be the queen. She does have the official royal birthright. And I’m sure she’ll be a most wonderful and marvellous ruler.
Pause. Then everyone laughs hysterically.
SCARECROW
Good one, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
I know, I could barely get the words out.
WIZARD
You might be a homicidal Witch Killer, but you still make me laugh. Hail Queen Dorothy!
ALL
Hail Queen Dorothy!
OZMA
Stop. No, you’re all… you’re all…
TIP
Face it, Ozma. They don’t want you. Now that Dorothy’s back, she can take charge. You can just fade back into obscurity. Back to where you were before. That long forgotten bedtime story of a lost princess who nobody will ever see again.
OZMA
No…
TIP
No?
OZMA
I won’t let… I can’t…
TIP
You won’t let us? Oh that’s funny. And what are you going to do, Princess Ozma?
Dorothy’s voice — her real voice, without any vocal Phanfasm effects — can be heard approaching in the distance.
DOROTHY
Princess? Princess, are you there?
The Phanfasms howl.
OZMA
Stop tormenting me, you’re not real! You’re not real!!
DOROTHY
There you are! My God, what have they done to you?
OZMA
Go away, leave me alone.
DOROTHY
Come on, we’re getting you out of this place.
OZMA
Stop it, you’re not real. None of this is real.
DOROTHY
You’re right, none of this is real. But I’m the real deal, sure enough. Now let’s deal with these Phanfasm things.
PHANFASM
How is it that you know our name!
DOROTHY
Oh, I know a lot of stuff you won’t expect. We’re going now. Up you get, Princess.
OZMA
Leave me… get away before they…
DOROTHY
They’ve got inside your mind, haven’t they?
OZMA
They’ll… they’ll get inside you too.
DOROTHY
Not likely. I’m made of sterner stuff.
PHANFASM
We will consume you! We will take what you fear most.
DOROTHY
Go on then. Hit me with your best shot.
PHANFASM
Why… how do you resist us? How?!?
DOROTHY
It’s simple really. You can’t get into my mind.
WITCH
Because I’m already in here!
The Wicked Witch of the West cackles her trademark cackle and it echoes around the realm with a terrifying screech. The Phanfasms howl in pain and fear.
DOROTHY
That’s got ’em. Quickly, Princess, come with me.
OZMA
I can’t. I —
DOROTHY
Trust me.
TIP
You’ll never be queen, Ozma. You’ll never have what it takes. You should stay and give yourselves to us. The Phanfasms will have you.
DOROTHY
Don’t listen to them!
OZMA
They’re in my head, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
Follow the sound of my voice. My real voice, the real me. I can get you away from them, but you must not listen to them.
OZMA
Ok. Ok, I’ll try.
DOROTHY
Come on!
Ozma and Dorothy leave the space while the Phanfasms howl. Tip yells after them.
TIP
You’ll never win, Ozma! You’ll never be as good at this as I was. You’ll never truly save the Marvellous Land of Oz!
EXT. MOUNTAIN PATH
Tik-Tok and Billina walk the path following a trail of the Grommetiks.
BILLINA
Are you going the right way?
TIK-TOK
I have already answered this question.
BILLINA
And I still don’t believe you.
TIK-TOK
I am following the trail left by the clockwork creatures as they carried the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion away.
BILLINA
Yes, I know, but that was hours ago. What makes you think that the trail is still accurate? There could have been dust storms and everything since last night.
TIK-TOK
This is not my first tracking activity. I know what I am doing, Mrs Hen.
BILLINA
Yeah, famous last words. We had a rooster back at the farm like you, always had an answer for everything he did —
TIK-TOK
(stopping)
Please be silent.
BILLINA
I’m trying to make polite conversation here —
TIK-TOK
Be silent now.
(pause)
My sensors indicate danger.
BILLINA
Sensors?
TIK-TOK
My inner ticker has reached six o-tock. I recommend you leave this vicinity immediately.
BILLINA
What? Wait a minute, metal-head, what’s going on?
A rumbling starts in the background, growing in intensity.
TIK-TOK
I have no further suggestions for you, Mrs Hen. You should leave now if you do not want to suffer the same fate as myself.
BILLINA
What’s happening!?
TIK-TOK
I believe the ground is opening up beneath us. Brace yourself for a fall!
BILLINA
The hell I am!
Billina clucks and flies away as the ground opens up beneath Tik-Tok. He tumbles into the chasm and disappears below.
BILLINA (cont’d)
(screaming)
Tik-Tok! Tik-Tok!!
The ground seals up again and falls silent. Billina lands.
BILLINA (cont’d)
Tik-Tok, where did you go!?!
EXT. CAMPSITE
Dorothy and Ozma return to the campsite. Dorothy is basically dragging Ozma with her.
DOROTHY
There you go, kid. Back to our campsite. Such as it is. You can relax now. And so can I.
OZMA
How… you were unconscious?
DOROTHY
Like I said, Kansas girls are made of stern stuff. We don’t do head traumas for long.
WITCH
Fine. Next time I won’t use my witchcraft to heal you. You can use your stern Kansas-girl powers instead.
DOROTHY
Are you ok?
OZMA
I don’t know…
DOROTHY
Don’t let those things get in your head. They feed on negative emotions. They draw out your deepest fears and make you face them.
OZMA
They sure did.
DOROTHY
Your pain was feeding them. But whatever they showed you, it wasn’t real.
OZMA
Wasn’t it? Seems to me they were just showing me how the world is.
DOROTHY
That’s just why the Phanfasms are so dangerous.
OZMA
How do you know all this?
WITCH
Again — all me! I should totally get more credit around here.
DOROTHY
I just do. What did they show you?
OZMA
It doesn’t matter.
DOROTHY
It might help to talk about it?
WITCH
What do you think they showed her? They showed her you. Oh, you don’t have time for all this emotional hand-wringing, you need to get to the Nome King.
DOROTHY
We do?
WITCH
Yes!
DOROTHY
But what about —
WITCH
Where else do you think your friends have gone?
OZMA
Who are you talking to?
DOROTHY
But I thought they were kidnapped by robots?
WITCH
Those were Dr Nikidik’s things, but he and the Nome King are old rivals. He wouldn’t let that mad scientist keep them for long. Trust me, Miss Gale. If you want your friends back, you follow the path you’ve already been on — up the Nome King’s mountain.
DOROTHY
Right, I see.
OZMA
Dorothy, you’re talking to thin air!
DOROTHY
(realising)
Oh! Umm…
OZMA
Are you all right?
DOROTHY
I guess… the Phanfasms might have affected me too. Get your strength back, Princess. I know what we have to do.
INT. TUNNEL
Kaliko leads the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion down the laboratory corridors.
KALIKO
This way! This way, follow me! Follow me!
LION
Is this such a good idea?
TIN WOODMAN
If you don’t stop asking that, I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.
SCARECROW
He says he can lead us out of here.
LION
I don’t even know what he is.
SCARECROW
He’s called Kaliko.
LION
Yes, but what is he? A dwarf? He doesn’t smell human, I don’t trust him.
TIN WOODMAN
If you’re going to stop trusting anything non-human you probably shouldn’t live in Oz.
LION
And haven’t you noticed the walls?
SCARECROW
What about them?
LION
They were metal five minutes ago. Now they’re rock.
SCARECROW
I… you’re right.
LION
I know I’m right.
SCARECROW
Hey Kaliko! Where are you taking us?
KALIKO
I’m taking you away from here! I’m taking you to safety!
TIN WOODMAN
Are you sure? Cause this feels like we’re going further underground.
LION
And shouldn’t we have run into the rest of the specimens by now? If they’re all escaping too?
KALIKO
No more questions — this is the way out! Here! Here!
SCARECROW
Here?
KALIKO
Through this door, yes. If we go through, we’ll be free.
SCARECROW
Well that was easy.
LION
Too easy.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop it. Come on, let’s see if the little guy is right.
He pushes open the door.
INT. NOME KING’S CAVERN
Big echoey stone space. The doors open and Kaliko, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman and the Lion enter. Nomes surround the space, but they’re keeping quiet.
SCARECROW
Oh, I thought this led outside.
KALIKO
I never said anything about this being the outside. I said it’s where you’ll be free.
TIN WOODMAN
Free?
KALIKO
Well, perhaps I wasn’t quite honest with that one.
(calling out)
I brought them, my Lord!
NOME KING
Ahaha, and at last you’re here! Welcome! Excellent work Kaliko, excellent work!
KALIKO
Thank you my Lord!
TIN WOODMAN
Where is this?
SCARECROW
Some kind of subterranean cavern.
LION
We’re really underground now.
NOME KING
You’re in my palace. Underneath my mountain. It’s where you were going this whole time, I thought I’d speed up the process. You are in my realm now, gentlemen. The Palace of the Nome King — that’s me by the way. And I must say, my Nomes and I are so looking forward to getting to know you…
He laughs as we hear the chattering of the thousands of Nomes that live in the realm.
TIN WOODMAN
Ahhh, gulp?
CLOSING CREDITS