Read the production script for Episode 3 of The Chronicles of Oz: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Three
PREVIOUSLY:
Recap of the key events of the previous two episodes.
OPENING CREDITS
EXT. RIVER
Dorothy, the Tin Woodman and the Lion are trapped on a raft while the Scarecrow is stuck on a pole.
SCARECROW
(getting further away)
Don’t leave me like this!
DOROTHY
Hold on Scarecrow, we’ll find a way to get ashore and rescue you!
SCARECROW
(fading into the distance)
Don’t be too long! I don’t know how long I can hold on…
LION
He really should have let go of that pole.
DOROTHY
He really should have done a lot of things, letting go of the pole is just the latest. What are we going to do?
LION
We can’t stop. We can’t get ashore. He’s got the pole. We haven’t got any way to propel us to the side –
TIN WOODMAN
(panic)
Lion, please stop reminding me of how hopeless this is!
DOROTHY
I can’t think of anything either. Apart from swimming ashore…
TIN WOODMAN
Ok, how about no? I’d rust the second I put my foot in that water, you know that. Besides, I’d sink!
LION
You wouldn’t if you’re hollow.
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up!
DOROTHY
No, wait! Swimming! That could work!
TIN WOODMAN
What part of ‘I would rust in seconds’ didn’t you get, Dorothy?
LION
She doesn’t mean you, do you Dorothy? You meant me.
TIN WOODMAN
Him?
DOROTHY
The Lion could drag us to shore! You’re strong enough, aren’t you?
LION
Not really.
DOROTHY
I don’t care, it’s the best idea we’ve got. What have we got to lose?
LION
A lion as well as a scarecrow from the group?
DOROTHY
Of course, we could just sit here on this raft until we go over a waterfall.
TIN WOODMAN
Ahh!
DOROTHY
Lion?
LION
Well… Oh all right. If I have to.
DOROTHY
You have to. Jump in and I’ll grab your tail.
LION
(revving himself up)
Ok. Here we go. I’m going in. Right now. This second. Ok, maybe this second –
DOROTHY
Lion!
TIN WOODMAN
Lion!
LION
Ok, I’m going!
(deep breath)
He leaps into the river.
DOROTHY
Lion? Lion can you hear me?
The Lion resurfaces.
LION
(gasping)
This water is freezing!
TIN WOODMAN
Oh, I am so sorry that the temperature of the water is not to your liking. Shut up and give Dorothy your tail!
LION
Ok, argh. There! Got it?
DOROTHY
Yep! Yep, right. Start swimming!
LION
(panting, pulling the raft)
DOROTHY
Not that way Lion! The other shore!
LION
Sorry! I got confused.
TIN WOODMAN
Don’t try to talk, Lion, just swim.
The Lion continues pulling the raft.
EXT. RIVERBANK
DOROTHY (V.O.)
And so the Lion was able to bring us ashore without a drop of water rusting a single Tin Woodman joint. Do you think he said thank you? We let the Lion recover, then spent the rest of the morning working our way back along the riverbank.
Soon we came across a familiar figure clinging desperately to a pole that was slowly tipping into the river…
SCARECROW
(singing tunelessly)
Laaaaaa, laa la la la laaaaaaa, laa la laaaaaa.
DOROTHY
Scarecrow! Scarecrow, it’s us!
SCARECROW
(shouting from afar)
Dorothy! Oh, Dorothy, I’ve never been so glad to see anyone – agh!
The pole slips.
DOROTHY
Don’t move!
TIN WOODMAN
The more he wiggles the more he makes the pole fall over.
DOROTHY
I know, and he’s going to sink any minute.
(shouting)
Hold on and keep still! We’re going to rescue you!
SCARECROW
(shouting)
Oh, that’s good! For a moment there I thought you were just going to watch me drown!
TIN WOODMAN
Lion, could you swim out there and get him?
LION
Not without getting him wet too. By the time we got back to shore, all that’d be left would be mush.
DOROTHY
There must be something we can do. He’ll go under in a minute.
STORKGUARD
(official, policeman-like)
Yeah, you’re all going under. Hands in the air. All of you.
DOROTHY
What?
STORKGUARD
You heard me. Get them up.
LION
(trembling)
Oh no…
DOROTHY (V.O.)
It was a stork. Seriously. A stork in a green tunic, holding a weird sword in its wing. Birds in Oz have opposable thumbs. Who knew?
TIN WOODMAN
Sorry, can we help you?
STORKGUARD
Yeah, you can drop the axe. Nice and slow.
A pause. Then the Tin Woodman lets the axe clatter to the ground.
DOROTHY
Are you robbing us?
STORKGUARD
Hardly. Identify yourselves.
DOROTHY
Well, my name’s Do-
TIN WOODMAN
Why should we tell you who we are? What’s it to you? Who are you?
STORKGUARD
Emerald City Border Enforcement. Identification now.
TIN WOODMAN
One of the Wizard’s Storkguards. I should have known.
DOROTHY
Border Enforcement? Have we crossed state lines or something?
TIN WOODMAN
Yeah. The river’s the boundary.
STORKGUARD
That’s right, and you were seen crossing further downstream. The Wizard has forbidden all travel in and out of Munchkinland, so I need to you to identify yourselves now.
DOROTHY
I’m not identifying myself to you. You’re a freaking bird for God’s sake!
STORKGUARD
I’m a Storkguard, miss.
DOROTHY
I don’t really care. See that guy on the pole in the river? He’s going to drown unless someone helps him, so I am not answering a single question of yours until you do something about it.
STORKGUARD
I am not going to –
DOROTHY
He hasn’t got much time!
TIN WOODMAN
Look, if you just fly out there and pick him up –
STORKGUARD
So you can escape into Emerald City territory? I don’t think so. Identify yourselves now and consider yourselves under arrest.
LION
I don’t think he’s kidding, you know.
DOROTHY
If you won’t go out there then at least send someone else to help. Don’t you have backup?
(pause)
Please!
STORKGUARD
(activating a Ring)
Storkguard 3, are you near area sixteen? Please respond, over.
(magical buzzing sound)
Request assistance with four unidentified illegal entrants and in retrieval of a fifth in the river, over.
(more buzzing)
Understood. Out.
DOROTHY
Well what does that mean?
STORKGUARD
It means, miss, someone will be here to rescue your friend shortly.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
And he was right. Within moments another stork carrying his own weird magical sword-thing flew above our heads and across the river. It swooped down onto the Scarecrow, grabbed his shoulders and whipped him away just as the pole toppled into the water. It was over within seconds, and before we knew it, the big bird dropped the Scarecrow on the ground beside us.
Scarecrow lands and hugs Dorothy.
SCARECROW
I was so scared!
DOROTHY
I know, but you’re ok now. Safe on dry land –
STORKGUARD
Right, I’ve helped your friend, now it’s your turn. Identification. Now.
TIN WOODMAN
There’s no need to be so rude you know.
DOROTHY
Look, all we want to do is get to the Emerald City.
STORKGUARD
Yeah, not going to happen.
DOROTHY
Why not?
STORKGUARD
The Emerald City is under lock down until the Munchkinland crisis is over. Nobody in, nobody out.
LION
What, not even us?
TIN WOODMAN
What crisis?
STORKGUARD
What crisis? The Witch of the East was assassinated! Munchkinland has descended into anarchy. The Wizard will not permit this chaos to spread to his city.
DOROTHY
Well he’s too late, it has. And there’s nothing he can do about it.
STORKGUARD
What?
DOROTHY
You wanted me to identify myself? Well perhaps I should.
SCARECROW
Dorothy, perhaps you shouldn’t –
STORKGUARD
Dorothy?
DOROTHY
(stepping forward)
That’s right. I’m Dorothy. Dorothy Louise Gale, from Butterfield, Kansas. I’m the girl who killed the Wicked Witch of the East.
STORKGUARD
Stay back, that’s close enough.
DOROTHY
See the shoes I’m wearing? Look familiar at all?
STORKGUARD
The … the Silver Slippers!
DOROTHY
That’s right. You’d better tell your Wizard to keep the doors open. I’m coming to see him.
STORKGUARD
I – I –
(he regains his composure)
You are under arrest. All of you. Put your hands on your head and –
A magical zing as Dorothy’s forehead glows.
LOCASTA
(echoey, ethereal voice)
Let Dorothy pass!
STORKGUARD
I-I-I… oh Lurline I have to … to….
(He screams and flies off, terrified)
DOROTHY
Well… that took an unexpected turn.
SCARECROW
How did you do that?
DOROTHY
I don’t know. I thought I could maybe bluff him a bit, but I never thought he’d –
SCARECROW
I mean your forehead. How’d you make it glow and go ‘zing’ and stuff?
DOROTHY
I … my what?
TIN WOODMAN
He’s right, you had a spot on your head that lit up like a… I don’t know what.
LION
Was a bit scary really.
DOROTHY
Here?
SCARECROW
Yeah.
DOROTHY
That’s where the Good Witch of the North kissed me.
TIN WOODMAN
It sure gave that Storkguard something to think about.
DOROTHY
Well – yay for us?
LION
I don’t think you should have done that to him, Dorothy. I don’t think you should have talked to him like that.
DOROTHY
Oh, you don’t, do you?
LION
I think that’s going to come back to bite us before we know it.
DOROTHY
Why? It got us out of trouble –
LION
Cause those Storkguards are going to go back to the Emerald City. And that’s where we want to go. I can smell trouble, and I don’t like it…
INT. EMERALD CITY OFFICE
Continuing office chatter. Jelia Jamb approaches Omby Amby.
JELIA JAMB
Omby, can I have a word?
OMBY AMBY
If that word is ‘the Munchkins have finished blowing each other up’ then sure. Otherwise, go away.
JELIA JAMB
That would be eight words.
OMBY AMBY
You’re funny.
JELIA JAMB
That’s what I keep telling you. You need to speak to Faramant.
OMBY AMBY
Do I now?
JELIA JAMB
He’s sorry he didn’t tell you about the girl. He’s been here all night, he hasn’t slept, he honestly thought he brought it up –
OMBY AMBY
Has he doubled the security like I asked?
JELIA JAMB
I don’t know. He’s been kicking himself a lot since you yelled at him.
OMBY AMBY
Oh for Lurline’s sake, I haven’t got time for this. Right now I’m sifting through diplomatic whinging about other missing dignitaries that doesn’t bode well for the rest of us. If Faramant can’t –
JELIA JAMB
Other missing dignitaries?
OMBY AMBY
Looks like the Witch of the East isn’t the only one in trouble in Oz today.
He gives her the paper.
JELIA JAMB
That’s not a good list.
OMBY AMBY
Tell me about it. The Oogaboo Queen has vanished, apparently. Nobody’s seen the Queen of the Field Mice. King Krewl of Jinxland had an attack on his life a few hours ago, he’s gone into hiding.
JELIA JAMB
Minor monarchs, not in the same league as the witches, but still… is it who we think it is?
OMBY AMBY
There’s no obvious evidence, but I’ve narrowed down my list of one suspect. She’s taking an opportunity.
JELIA JAMB
Clearing a path to the Wizard?
OMBY AMBY
Which is why I don’t have time to coddle Faramant right now. We need to start planning a possible defence against the Winkies.
JELIA JAMB
All the more reason you need Faramant on your side. You can’t defend the Emerald City without a fully functioning Guardian of the Gates.
OMBY AMBY
(sigh)
All right. I’ll talk to him. Where is he?
JELIA JAMB
At his desk. Sulking.
OMBY AMBY
Of course he is.
Omby Amby walks through the office and arrives at Faramant’s desk.
OMBY AMBY
Ahem.
FARAMANT
Omby! Look, I’ve been through the records, all the meteorological reports for any other signs of bizarre weather and –
OMBY AMBY
Look, Faramant, I just want to say, I know you’ve been working hard and –
FARAMANT
Oh Lurline… I’m fired aren’t I?
OMBY AMBY
What?
FARAMANT
I’m going to be sacked! The Wizard wants my head because I didn’t warn everyone about Dorothy!
OMBY AMBY
You’re not going to be beheaded – who’s Dorothy?
FARAMANT
The girl. The assassin. They’re saying she’s called Dorothy.
OMBY AMBY
Stupid name. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know… We’re in for a strange couple of days. While the Munchkin crisis is on, we need to all work together to make sure the Emerald City stays safe. You understand?
FARAMANT
Yes, yes, I do. And I’m truly sorry I never –
OMBY AMBY
Yes, well nevermind about that. Have you got anything new yet?
FARAMANT
Storkguards are on the lookout for her, but nothing yet. Last anyone saw she was still in the Munchkin City.
OMBY AMBY
Good. Let’s keep it that way. Last thing I want to hear is that she’s got out of Munchkinland and heading for us.
A Ring sounds. Faramant answers it.
FARAMANT
This is Faramant.
(pause)
What? Say that again? What do you mean she’s crossed the border? She’s wearing what?
OMBY AMBY
Oh boy…
EXT. POPPY FIELD – AFTERNOON
DOROTHY (V.O.)
It was the Scarecrow who had the idea of deviating from the river. He reasoned – and quite rightly too – that if we cut across land rather than follow the river, we’d eventually meet up with the Yellow Brick Road closer to the Emerald City and make up for lost time. The new route seemed easy enough. The forest had petered out at the river, so all we had to deal with was a huge field of poppies, stretching out for nearly as far as the eye could see.
Yeah, you heard me. Poppies.
SCARECROW
You know, Dorothy, if we had to set up camp for the night here, I don’t think this would be a bad place. Everything looks so pretty!
DOROTHY
(yawning)
It’s not even dark yet, what makes you think we’re setting up camp?
SCARECROW
You’ve been yawning for the past ten minutes. I thought you must be tired.
DOROTHY
That’s nonsense I’m absolutely fine.
(she yawns as she says this)
All right, so I’m a little weary. I have been walking for nearly two days now.
SCARECROW
The Tin Woodman and the Lion don’t seem tired.
DOROTHY
The Tin Woodman doesn’t get tired. As for the Lion…
SCARECROW
You should be nicer to him. He saved us all from the river after all. And the Kalidahs, a bit.
DOROTHY
He tried to eat Toto.
SCARECROW
He said sorry.
DOROTHY
I don’t care.
SCARECROW
I don’t think he would have actually done it, anyway. Not when it came down to it. I think Toto scared him more than the other way around.
DOROTHY
That’s not the point. I just don’t like the….
(she drifts into a yawn)
Oh God, what’s the matter with me?
(she slaps her face)
Come on, wake up Dorothy.
SCARECROW
Would you like me to slap you?
DOROTHY
I’d like to see you try. No, I’m fine. Just need to get to the Emerald City and then try and find somewhere … to … sleep.
She collapses into the flowers.
SCARECROW
Dorothy? Dorothy, are you ok? Tin Woodman! Lion! Come quick, Dorothy’s not well!
DOROTHY
(sleepy)
I’m fine, Scarecrow. I just need to rest for just a minute…
The others come running up
TIN WOODMAN
What happened?
SCARECROW
She fell over. I think she’s asleep.
DOROTHY
I’m not asleep, I’m just resting my eyes…
LION
Toto’s asleep too! I gotta say, I’m feeling a bit sleepy myself…
TIN WOODMAN
Oh no. I should have seen this coming.
LION
Seen what?
TIN WOODMAN
It’s the poppies. There’s too many of them. A few bushes here and there are fine, but when you get so many blooming at once they put you to sleep!
SCARECROW
But I feel fine.
TIN WOODMAN
You’re a scarecrow, you don’t sleep.
(shaking Dorothy)
Dorothy, Dorothy can you hear me? You can’t sleep here, you have to stay awake!
DOROTHY
Hmm, what?
TIN WOODMAN
Stay awake! You must stay awake, are you listening to me? Dorothy? Dorothy?
The Tin Woodman’s voice disappears into muffled oblivion as Dorothy drifts off to sleep.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
And that was the last thing I heard for a while. The poppies overwhelmed me entirely, sending me into such a deep sleep that I didn’t even dream. After the stresses of the last few days it was probably just the thing I needed. But the poppies in Oz are mighty powerful. Unless you can escape their scent, get away from their influence, you’re stuck in that sleeping state until you die. Of course, I didn’t know that until much later. At the time I was oblivious to everything as I slipped into my coma. As deaths go, I guess it’s not so bad.
So, you’ll have to forgive me if the next part of the story isn’t quite as accurate as I’d like. I only know what the others told me. But the way I hear it, it sorta went like this. The Scarecrow said:
SCARECROW
(over the top and pompous)
Why Tin Woodman, even though I have not got a brain and have nothing to think with, I believe we need to get Dorothy and the Lion out of here as soon as possible!
DOROTHY (V.O.)
And the Tin Woodman said:
TIN WOODMAN
(also in a similarly fake manner)
As the most intelligent and wisest person in our group, I am taking charge. Lion, you should run away from this poppy field as quickly as you can, for while we may be able to carry Dorothy and Toto from this place, you will be far too heavy.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
So the Lion said:
LION
I agree, as I am so cowardly and so scared of my own shadow, I fear disagreeing with you in any way. I will run away now, as I so often do.
TIN WOODMAN
It is as you say. And it is such a burden to be the most reliable member of our group. Now, Scarecrow, let us make a chair with our hands and carry Dorothy away from this powerful aroma.
SCARECROW
Indubitably Tin Woodman. You are so wise and so amazing and so…
DOROTHY (V.O.)
You can probably guess who told me most of that. However, knowing these three travelling companions of mine as I do, I’m fairly sure the exchange went more like this:
SCARECROW
(Over the top panic)
Oh no! Oh no, oh no oh no!!!
TIN WOODMAN
(screaming)
Dorothy! Dorothy Waaaaaaake uuuuuup!!!!
SCARECROW
She’s not waking up, Tin Woodman, what are we gonna do???
TIN WOODMAN
I don’t know, I don’t know, stop shouting at me!!
LION
What happens if we can’t wake her!
(Yawn)
Oh gosh, now I’m yawning….
TIN WOODMAN
Lion, get the hell out of here!
LION
But I –
TIN WOODMAN
We can carry Dorothy out of here but we can’t carry you! You fall asleep in here you’re dead!
SCARECROW
Run, Lion! Run!
LION
I’m going, I’m going! Oh holy Lurline, I gotta get out of here….
As he bounds away, the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman descend into comedy panic.
SCARECROW
Dorothy! Dorothy, you gotta wake up!
TIN WOODMAN
It’s no use, Scarecrow, she’s gone! Help me carry her!
SCARECROW
We can’t carry her, it’s no use! Stop shouting at me!
TIN WOODMAN
I’m not shouting at you, we have to help Dorothy!
SCARECROW
We’re never going to get away from here!
TIN WOODMAN
Stop yelling!
SCARECROW
I’m not yelling!
TIN WOODMAN
You are yelling!
SCARECROW
I’m not yelling, you’re yelling!
And the two of them scream at each other.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Oh, all right, it probably wasn’t that bad. But not far off.
Anyway, between the two of them they were able to get Toto and myself out of the poppy field. Problem solved you might think. Not quite. You see, a few feet away from the edge of the field they came across a large, cowardly sleeping figure. Poor Lion. So close to escaping, but even he couldn’t quite resist the power of the poppies.
TIN WOODMAN
Dammit!
SCARECROW
There’s nothing we can do for him, Tin Woodman. He’s much too heavy.
TIN WOODMAN
I know. It’s just … He’s going to die here you know.
SCARECROW
I know.
TIN WOODMAN
It’s not fair. All he wanted was some courage and now he’s….
(angry sigh)
Come on.
SCARECROW
I guess we’ll just have to leave him here… But at least there’s some good news! Look!
TIN WOODMAN
What?
SCARECROW
Over there! Across that meadow! It’s the Yellow Brick Road! We’re back on track!
TIN WOODMAN
Only if we can wake Dorothy up.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Making sure we were well clear of the poppy field, the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman lay me down and waited for me to wake up again.
Meanwhile, someone else nearby was facing an even greater danger…
CUT TO:
EXT. POPPY FIELD – LATER
A screech of a vicious wild cat. A mouse squeaks alarmingly. The WILDCAT is chasing the QUEEN MOUSE.
QUEEN MOUSE
(out of breath, terrified)
Oh my goodness. My goodness, I can’t keep this up for much longer…
WILDCAT
You can’t escape your ‘majesty’! The Witch of the West wants you out of her way. And I’m more than happy to oblige!
QUEEN MOUSE
Please don’t hurt me! Please, I’m begging you.
WILDCAT
I like it when I my dinner begs for it.
QUEEN MOUSE
What have I ever done to the Witch? I’ve kept my subjects out of her way, out of everyone’s way –
WILDCAT
I don’t ask questions, I do as I’m told. And the Witch wants you out of her way.
QUEEN MOUSE
But I’m no threat to her! I’m Queen of the Mice!
WILDCAT
You’re mince meat, majesty!
(terrifying screech)
QUEEN MOUSE
(scream)
Help me! Help me, somebody please, save me! Save me!
WILDCAT
(continues its war cry, then stops with a sudden thud)
Sound of an axe cutting into flesh.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
That sound you heard just then? That would be the wildcat’s head being sliced open by a woodsman’s axe.
SCARECROW
Eww.
QUEEN MOUSE
I … I ….
TIN WOODMAN
Are you all right, ma’am? Hello?
QUEEN MOUSE
Yes? I’m sorry, I’m a bit shaken. But otherwise quite agreeable, considering the circumstances.
SCARECROW
Huh?
TIN WOODMAN
She says she’s fine. Well that thing won’t be chasing you any more.
QUEEN MOUSE
Indeed. I thank you, most sincerely. I owe you my life, man of tin.
TIN WOODMAN
Think nothing of it. Always happy to help anyone in danger. Even if it’s just a mouse – no offence.
QUEEN MOUSE
Just a mouse? Don’t you realise who I am?
SCARECROW
Oh! Meeting new people! I love meeting new people! Who are you?
QUEEN MOUSE
I am Queen Ramina, Monarch of Mice.
SCARECROW
Monarch? As in Queen of all the Mouses?
QUEEN MOUSE
And I am forever in your debt, man of tin.
TIN WOODMAN
Oh. Great.
SCARECROW
I don’t understand. If you’re the queen, why was that wildcat trying to kill you?
QUEEN MOUSE
It was an agent of the Wicked Witch of the West. I expect she’s taking advantage of the Munchkinland situation to clear the way for her own ends.
SCARECROW
I see.
TIN WOODMAN
Do you, Scarecrow?
SCARECROW
No. But I had you convinced for a second there, right?
TIN WOODMAN
No.
SCARECROW
Oh.
QUEEN MOUSE
In any case, I owe you my life. If there is anything I or my subjects can do to repay you, tin man, then simply name it.
SCARECROW
Oh, I have an idea!
TIN WOODMAN
No you don’t, shut up. Thank you, your Majesty, but to be honest there’s nothing that we –
SCARECROW
No, really! I have an idea! She can help us!
TIN WOODMAN
How?
SCARECROW
She can save the Lion!
QUEEN MOUSE
(alarmed)
A lion!?!
TIN WOODMAN
Oh Scarecrow…
QUEEN MOUSE
You’ve just saved me from a vicious wildcat, now you ask me to face down a lion!?
SCARECROW
No not face – save! You can save him!
QUEEN MOUSE
How?
TIN WOODMAN
Yes, I’d quite like to know myself.
SCARECROW
Tell me, your majesty, how many subjects do you have? Nearby I mean.
QUEEN MOUSE
Thousands. My subjects live all over Oz.
SCARECROW
Then summon them here. As soon as you can. And tell them all to bring with them a piece of string, as long as they can carry. Then I’ll explain what I want them to do…
DOROTHY (V.O.)
I really have to stress, I didn’t see any of this myself, this is what they told me. And yes, it seems as unlikely to me as it does to you, but that’s apparently how it went. While they waited for the mice to arrive, the Scarecrow put the Tin Woodman to work.
SCARECROW
I want you to chop down some trees and build me a… what would you call it? A thing with wheels? And a… you know… a platformy thing…
TIN WOODMAN
A truck?
SCARECROW
Is that what you’d call it? Ok then, yes! A truck! Build me a truck!
TIN WOODMAN
Just what are you planning, Scarecrow?
SCARECROW
Just trust me, this’ll work!
TIN WOODMAN
Trust you and your lack of a brain? Seriously? Oh whatever. It’s been about ten minutes since I last chopped down a tree, must be about time I did it again. You know, by the time I get my heart there won’t be any trees left in Oz.
SCARECROW
Thanks, Tin Woodman!
TIN WOODMAN
Truck off.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
So the Tin Woodman built a trolley thing on wheels out of what he could find nearby, big enough to fit the Lion on. He spent most of the afternoon putting it together – the Tin Woodman is nothing if not meticulous with his work. Once it was constructed, the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman used what strength they had to load the Lion onto the trolley. I really wish I’d been awake to see them trying to manage that.
By nightfall, the mice returned, in their thousands, and each of them carrying a tiny bit of string.
Mice scatter everywhere, squeaking and making noise.
SCARECROW
Ladies and gentlemice, can have your attention please! If you could all line up in single file in front of the … truck? Cart? Trolly? What are we calling it, Tin Woodman?
TIN WOODMAN
Who cares?
SCARECROW
Yeah, if you could all line up in single file in front of the Who Cares, carrying your string, and the Tin Woodman will tie you to the front. Please do not line up if you do not have your string with you!
QUEEN MOUSE
You heard the straw man, line up!
The mice assemble.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
It was around this point that I woke up. As I yawned myself awake, I saw one of the more unexpected sights in my time in Oz. The Lion, fast asleep on a cart, with hundreds of little mice ahead of it, pulling it through the poppies as hard as they could, each tied to the cart by a string. The Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman were behind the cart, doing their best to help.
TIN WOODMAN
And… Heave! And… Heave!
The Tin Woodman and the mice continue in the background.
DOROTHY
What the…
QUEEN MOUSE
Ingenious, is it not?
DOROTHY
Ahh!
QUEEN MOUSE
Did I startle you? My apologies.
DOROTHY
I … I think… you’re a mouse.
QUEEN MOUSE
Correct.
DOROTHY
A talking mouse.
QUEEN MOUSE
Also correct. I understand that you are Dorothy Gale of Kansas. I am Queen Ramina, Monarch of Mice. You may curtsey.
DOROTHY
I… ok. I can go with that.
QUEEN MOUSE
Your friend the Scarecrow is quite the towering intelligence. Your lion was trapped by the spell of the poppy field, but being so small the poppies have no effect on we mice. Quite a deduction for him to make.
DOROTHY
Amazing for someone that doesn’t have a brain.
QUEEN MOUSE
Indeed. I understand this is why you are seeing the Wizard. You all have things you require of him.
DOROTHY
That’s right, yes.
QUEEN MOUSE
Be vigilant. That’s all I’ll say. The Wizard has great power, but that doesn’t always equate to great wisdom.
DOROTHY
Do you know the Wizard? Have you met him?
QUEEN MOUSE
I’m afraid not. My understanding is nobody has seen him for many years. He lives the life of a recluse and only engages with his people through his advisors.
DOROTHY
Will he see me?
QUEEN MOUSE
He might. Those shoes will give you certain advantages. It may encourage him to admit you into his Throne Room.
DOROTHY
(sigh)
If we ever get that far. It seems like there’s delay after delay and we never seem to be any closer to the Emerald City.
QUEEN MOUSE
You’re a lot closer than you think, my dear.
DOROTHY
What?
QUEEN MOUSE
Take a look beyond that hill over there.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
I stood up and took a few steps towards the Yellow Brick Road. In the darkness, just past the next hill, I could see a brilliant green glow dancing on the horizon. It beckoned warmly and excitedly.
DOROTHY
Is it … Is that… It is! It’s the Emerald City! Scarecrow! Tin Woodman! Look, we’ve made it! It’s there! It’s the Emerald City!
DOROTHY (V.O.)
That was the first time I ever saw the Emerald City. At last our long, long journey was over. Or so we thought.
EXT. YELLOW BRICK ROAD – MORNING
DOROTHY (V.O.)
First thing in the morning, we began our final march towards the City of Emeralds.
DOROTHY
(excited)
Come on, everybody, come on! Don’t be so slow!
TIN WOODMAN
We’re not being slow, we’re being dignified. I’m not about to embarrass myself in front of the Emerald Citizens before we even make it to the gate.
DOROTHY
But we’ve wasted so much time already! I don’t see why we couldn’t get moving last night when we saw it.
LION
Because I was still asleep, that’s why.
DOROTHY
Oh blah. You’re excited, aren’t you Scarecrow?
SCARECROW
I can’t wait!
(singing, conga style)
I’m gonna get a bra-ain! I’m gonna get a bra-ain!
DOROTHY
(joining in)
I’m gonna go back ho-ome! I’m gonna go back ho-ome!
TIN WOODMAN
All right, we get the point. Now shut up.
They stop walking.
LION
Is this it? Is this the gate? Are we finally there?
DOROTHY
Looks like. Who wants to ring the doorbell?
LION
I think you should do it, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
Me?
SCARECROW
Well, it was your idea to go see the Wizard after all.
DOROTHY
It was Locasta’s actually but, well, if you think I should –
TIN WOODMAN
Oh for Lurline’s sake, I’ll do it!
He bangs on the gate.
DOROTHY
Thanks Tin Woodman. Thanks a lot.
TIN WOODMAN
Look, the sooner we get into the Emerald City, the sooner I get my heart.
DOROTHY
I’d have thought it might have been so you could finally get away from us and our silly singing.
TIN WOODMAN
No comment.
DOROTHY
Ha. Oh come on, how long does it take to open a gate? Hello! Visitors waiting to get in! Come out, come out wherever you –
Various swords unsheathe and point in their direction.
DOROTHY
– are.
FARAMANT
(loudspeaker)
Stay exactly where you are. Put your hands up and do not move. You are under arrest by order of the Wizard of Oz.
TIN WOODMAN
Great.
LION
I knew this would go badly.
DOROTHY
But we haven’t done anything! We just want to see the Wizard!
FARAMANT
Yeah, I’ll bet. All right, men take them inside for questioning. Resistance will be met with maximum force!
The Emerald City guards rush out and arrest the four of them.
EXT. EMERALD CITY
Hustle and bustle of a Victorian-era city. Carriages, etc – no cars.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
The City of Emeralds truly is as beautiful as its name suggests. Over its long history it’s seen so many regime changes and revolutions that it’s got a very odd, varied and bizarre architecture. And it’s green. Very green.
Centuries ago, some pompous ruler or other decided to make the centre of Oz the epitome of extravagance. Every wall, every building, even a lot of the pavements and roads were embedded with emeralds to the point that it was almost, in my opinion, a bit over the top. I don’t know if everything in the Emerald City is made of emeralds – that would be silly. There must be some green rocks in there to pad out the building materials. But there are enough gems around to make it look as if the streets themselves glow when the sunlight hits them. Every wall shines and the whole city has an aura of magical wonderfulness.
Of course, I saw very little of it the first time I entered the city. Handcuffed by burly guards, we were escorted very quickly through the streets into a green building which I presumed to be military barracks of some kind. Toto was taken from me, as were my new friends, and I was locked in a room, alone, awaiting interrogation.
I was not, as you may imagine, having a ‘merry old’ time in any sense of the word.
INT. CORRIDOR
Omby Amby marches ahead while Faramant follows.
OMBY AMBY
How the hell did she get here? Don’t we have Storkguards for a reason?
FARAMANT
I showed you the report that said she was stopped at the border –
OMBY AMBY
Then why is she showing up at our front door? You’re Guardian of the Gates, Faramant, you shouldn’t have let her get this far.
FARAMANT
What was I supposed, to do, drop a house on her at the river?
OMBY AMBY
That’s not funny. Do we know what she wants?
FARAMANT
We haven’t questioned them but … She said something about wanting to see the Wizard.
OMBY AMBY
I’ll bet she does.
FARAMANT
I’ll have more information after I question her.
OMBY AMBY
Oh, you are not going anywhere near that interrogation room, Faramant.
FARAMANT
But I’m the Guardian of the Gates, and this is a security matter!
OMBY AMBY
The girl assassinated the Witch of the East, this has gone far beyond Emerald City Security.
FARAMANT
Omby –
OMBY AMBY
The Wizard will want a full report on what she’s doing here, and as Guardian of the Throne that has to come from me. I’m doing it, end of discussion.
Jelia Jamb approaches.
JELIA JAMB
Omby Amby, there you are! Is it true?
OMBY AMBY
Is what true?
JELIA JAMB
That you’ve got her here? The Witch Slayer?
FARAMANT
Holy Lurline, is that what they’re calling her now?
OMBY AMBY
How did you find that out?
JELIA JAMB
It’s all over the City. People are saying that she showed up at the eastern gate.
OMBY AMBY
Faramant…
FARAMANT
What? You expect me to have a weird group like that arrested and keep it quiet? They’re scarecrows and lions and things. They stand out.
JELIA JAMB
Well, rumours are flying wild out there. There’s talk that she’s come here as a refugee, others are saying she showed up brandishing weapons with witch blood still on her hands. I need some facts to spin this, Omby. What’s going on?
OMBY AMBY
We don’t know yet.
FARAMANT
Our fearless Guardian of the Throne is going to interrogate her.
JELIA JAMB
Really? Shouldn’t Faramant –
OMBY AMBY
I am not having this argument again! Look, you are the Guardian of the People. Go guard them from stupidly speculating more than is necessary. Faramant, you’re Guardian of the Gates, go guard the gates or something.
FARAMANT
I beg your –
OMBY AMBY
I suggest you start with doubling the Storkguard patrols and making sure no more Munchkin refugees cross the border.
FARAMANT
Already done.
(pause on Omby Amby’s glare)
But I suppose double checking them can’t hurt.
Faramant exits.
OMBY AMBY
No it couldn’t.
(to Jelia Jamb)
Anything else?
JELIA JAMB
One more thing. They know about the Slippers.
OMBY AMBY
Oh great.
JELIA JAMB
They’re not exactly inconspicuous footwear. People saw them on her feet and made their own conclusions.
OMBY AMBY
I see.
JELIA JAMB
There’s already people calling her the new Witch of the East, and that’s why she’s come here, to take on the Wizard when the last one couldn’t.
OMBY AMBY
All right, do what you can to keep it under control for as long as you can.
JELIA JAMB
To keep it under control I need to tell them facts, Omby.
OMBY AMBY
And facts are exactly what I’m going to get.
He knocks on the cell door and it opens.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
Small confined space, where Omby Amby interrogates Dorothy.
OMBY AMBY
I’m going to ask you again, where are you from? Who are you working for?
DOROTHY
I’ve told you. I’m from Butterfield in Kansas. I work for my aunt and uncle on the farm.
OMBY AMBY
Kansas. There is no such place.
DOROTHY
No place like it.
OMBY AMBY
Who sent you? What was your plan? Kill the Witch of the East, incite rebellion and anarchy amongst the Munchkins, and now you want to kill the Wonderful Wizard?
DOROTHY
Oh my God! For the last time, I did not mean to kill her! It was not my fault! Read my lips – My. House. Fell. On. Her. By. Accident.
OMBY AMBY
We have reports from Munchkin eyewitnesses who say that you were casting spells on the house as it soared across the sky –
DOROTHY
Then they’re lying! I was in the house! Look, I never wanted to get caught up in your crazy politics, or whatever this is. A few days ago I was home living my normal, boring life, and then a twister picked up my house while I was still inside it. When it finally hit the ground, it landed on the Witch. All I’ve wanted to do since then is go back home! That’s all! The Witch of the North said the Wizard might be able to help me, so I came here.
OMBY AMBY
So! You’re a Gillikin agent!
DOROTHY
I’m nobody’s agent, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.
OMBY AMBY
And yet you bear her mark on your forehead.
DOROTHY
I’m wearing the Witch of the East’s shoes too, perhaps I was working for her when I dropped my house on her?
OMBY AMBY
So, at last you confess –
DOROTHY
That was sarcasm, you numnut!
OMBY AMBY
This will go a lot better for you if you co-operate.
DOROTHY
I am co-operating, you’re just not listening to me. Look, I didn’t come here to kill anyone. I never met the Witch of the East, or even heard of her until I stepped out of that house. All I want to do is go home. That’s it. Your Wizard and the various witches can do whatever the hell they want for all I care.
OMBY AMBY
Is that a fact?
DOROTHY
It’s absolutely the truth I swear it. If I could just see the Wizard –
OMBY AMBY
(overly sarcastic)
Oh, oh of course. Why yes. I will definitely let you in to see our beloved ruler. You’re only just a known killer who has destabilised one regime this week. Absolutely, I’ll give you free access to the one man who keeps the land of Oz together.
DOROTHY
When I do sarcasm it’s cute. With you, it’s just sad. If you won’t let me in to see the Wizard then maybe someone else can help?
A Ring Communicator beeps.
OMBY AMBY
Excuse me a moment
(he answers the Ring)
What is it? What? Faramant, calm down, I can’t follow… what are you doing talking to his Ozness? Yes, I know I’m busy but you shouldn’t be answering the… he does? Are you sure? Really sure? … Fine. Fine, I’ll send her through.
(he hangs up)
On your feet. You’re coming with me.
DOROTHY
What? Where are you taking me? I’m telling you the truth!
OMBY AMBY
Looks like your wish is coming true. You’re off to see the Wizard. He’s requested an audience.
Pause.
DOROTHY
He’s requested an audience with me?
INT. THRONE ROOM
Big, echoey, scary, intimidating. The huge doors open and Dorothy walks in.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
When you want something badly enough, you’d do anything to get it. You jump at any chance that’s offered to you, regardless of how unusual it sounds or what weird and fabulous footwear you have to take on. You trek across a dangerous land with three complete strangers on the hope – the mere hope – that when you get to where you’re going that you get what you want and everything will be fine. I wanted to get back to Kansas more than anything. But standing there in that magnificent Throne Room for the first time, I was starting to think that maybe the cost would be too high…
DOROTHY
Hello? Is … is anybody there? Look, they said I should just go in. You … you asked to see me?
The doors slam shut.
DOROTHY
(yelp)
Oh my God….
WIZARD
(booming voice, American accent)
Not your God. Your Wizard.
DOROTHY
(panic rising)
Oh dear….
WIZARD
(big terrifying voice full of sound and fury)
I am Oz! The Great and Terrible! Who are you, and why do you seek me? Well! Answer me! Who are you!
DOROTHY
(terrified)
I-I-I’m Dorothy. Dorothy Gale.
WIZARD
Why have you come to see the Great Oz?
DOROTHY
I-I want to go home. The Witch of the North said –
WIZARD
How did you get the Silver Slippers of the Wicked Witch of the East!
DOROTHY
Locasta gave them to me.
WIZARD
The Witch of the East gave them up willingly?
DOROTHY
No, she’s dead.
WIZARD
You killed her!
DOROTHY
My house fell on her, it was an accident!
WIZARD
And now?
DOROTHY
Now? I … I just want to go home. Back to Aunt Em and Uncle Henry in Butterfield.
WIZARD
Butterfield?
DOROTHY
It’s a tiny place in Kansas.
Pause
WIZARD
Kansas? In the United States of America?
DOROTHY
(gasp)
You know it?
WIZARD
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz knows all!
DOROTHY
Well then you must know how to send me back home!
Pause
WIZARD
Why should I do this for you?
DOROTHY
I… well… because you’re a wonderful wizard and these are the wonderful things you…?
WIZARD
You were strong enough to destroy the Witch of the East. Use your own power!
DOROTHY
I haven’t got any power, I’m just a girl! Please, can you help me?
WIZARD
You have no right to expect me to send you back to Kansas unless you do something for me in return. In this land, everyone must pay for what they get. If you wish me to use my great power to send you home, then you must do something for me first. Help me and I will help you.
DOROTHY
What do I have to do?
WIZARD
Kill the Wicked Witch of the West!
DOROTHY
(gasp)
I can’t! I told you, I haven’t got any power!
WIZARD
You killed the Witch of the East and you wear her Silver Slippers. There is now but one Wicked Witch left in all of Oz, and when you can tell me she is dead I will send you back to Kansas – but not before!
DOROTHY
But I can’t kill a witch! Last time was an accident. Look, you’re a Great and Terrible Wizard and I’m nobody. If you can’t kill her how on Earth could I do it?
WIZARD
This is my answer and that is my condition. Until the Wicked Witch dies you will not see your uncle and aunt again. Leave my presence, and do not return until you have completed your task!
CLOSING CREDITS