Read the production script for Episode 2 of The Chronicles of Oz: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. This script may differ slightly from the final released audio.
Episode Two
PREVIOUSLY:
Short flashback covering the key events of the previous episode. We finish on the Witch’s cliffhanger-inducing cackle.
OPENING CREDITS
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Middle of the night. Dorothy wakes with a start, having a nightmare.
DOROTHY
(waking up)
Aunt Em! Aunt – oh. Right. Oz. Not a dream. Sorry, Toto, I’ll go back to sleep –
TIN WOODMAN
(moaning, far away outside. It sounds scary)
DOROTHY
(Gasp)
What was that? Toto? Where’s Toto? The Scarecrow’s gone too! Scarecrow? Where are you? Scarecrow?
TIN WOODMAN
(moan again, louder and scarier)
DOROTHY
(scared)
I’m going to have to go out there, aren’t I?
EXT. FOREST – NIGHT
The howling monster continues as Dorothy creeps her way through the trees.
TIN WOODMAN
(howling)
DOROTHY
(shouting)
Scarecrow! Toto! Where are –
(she stops and whispers)
Good work Dorothy. Scream at the top of your lungs so the monster can come to you!
(whispering almost comically)
Scarecrow? Toto? Are you there?
SCARECROW
(loud)
Here I am!
DOROTHY
(jumping)
Ahhh! Don’t do that you brainless goof, you nearly gave me a heart attack!
SCARECROW
Sorry. I heard a noise while you were sleeping, so Toto and I decided to go investigate, didn’t we Toto?
Toto barks.
DOROTHY
Are you insane? Both of you? It could be anything! You could have been eaten by some giant flesh-eating monster!
SCARECROW
I’m not made of flesh.
DOROTHY
Giant straw-eating monster then. I’ve already seen one friend die tonight, you want to make it two? What were you thinking?
SCARECROW
I wasn’t thinking. I can’t think, I haven’t –
DOROTHY
– got a brain, yes I know.
SCARECROW
Besides, I came prepared, see? I’ve got a weapon!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, that’s not a weapon. That’s an oil can.
SCARECROW
Oh.
DOROTHY
Pretty useless against a monster, but if we find a squeaky door you’ll be the first one we call. Where did you find it anyway?
SCARECROW
It was on a shelf in the house. It looked a bit weapony to me.
DOROTHY
It’s not.
TIN WOODMAN
(moan)
DOROTHY
Can we go back into the house now, where we’ll be safe from the giant flesh-and-straw-eating monster?
SCARECROW
Don’t you want to find out what it is?
DOROTHY
Not especially, no.
TIN WOODMAN
(moan)
SCARECROW
Well I’m curious. I’m going to find out!
He marches off.
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, wait! You’re going to – oh the idiot’s going to get himself killed.
(shouting in a whisper)
Bring back my dog!
She follows him.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING
The source of the moaning – it’s now sounding far less ominous and almost human.
SCARECROW
It’s getting louder, so I suppose that means it’s getting closer.
DOROTHY
And this is a good thing? Let’s go back before we –
SCARECROW
Look!
DOROTHY
What?
SCARECROW
I can see something. It looks like a – a –
DOROTHY
A what?
SCARECROW
I don’t know. I’ve only been alive a day.
DOROTHY
It’s too dark. You couldn’t have brought a flash light instead of an oil can?
SCARECROW
What’s a flash light?
DOROTHY
You’re useless. I think I can see it. It… looks a bit like a person.
SCARECROW
Well that’s good then!
DOROTHY
It’s not moving. Maybe it’s a statue?
SCARECROW
Wow! What’s a statue doing here?
DOROTHY
I don’t know.
SCARECROW
I’m getting a closer look!
DOROTHY
Be careful!
The Scarecrow steps up to it and taps it. It resounds with a metallic tin echo.
SCARECROW
It’s a musical statue!
DOROTHY
It’s tin. Who’d make a statue out of tin?
SCARECROW
Except for this pointy thing it’s holding. That’s wood.
DOROTHY
That’s because it’s an axe. It’s a statue of a woodcutter. They’ve even put a half cut-through tree next to it, like he’s been cutting it down. That’s some intense detail –
TIN WOODMAN
(groan)
DOROTHY
(scared whisper)
Scarecrow, did you hear that?
SCARECROW
(equally scared whisper)
Uh-huh.
DOROTHY
(whisper)
The statue said something!
SCARECROW
(whisper)
I didn’t like the sound of that.
DOROTHY
(whisper)
Me neither.
SCARECROW
(whisper)
What are we going to do?
DOROTHY
(whisper)
Scream and run away?
SCARECROW
(whisper)
Ok.
DOROTHY
(screaming)
Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
SCARECROW
(screaming)
Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!
TIN WOODMAN
(moans)
Dorothy and the Scarecrow cut off their scream on the Tin Woodman’s moan.
SCARECROW
I think … I think he’s trying to tell us something.
DOROTHY
You think? You can’t think – you haven’t got a brain!
SCARECROW
(to the Tin Woodman)
Mr Statue? Hello? Are you trying to say something?
TIN WOODMAN
(almost incoherently)
Oil can.
SCARECROW
Sorry, didn’t quite get that.
TIN WOODMAN
(incoherently)
Oil can!
SCARECROW
What? Now really, do I insult your mother?
DOROTHY
It said ‘oil can’, brainbox. Like the one you’re holding?
SCARECROW
What would it want with this?
DOROTHY
Look at its mouth – all rusted up. Give me that thing, we’ll just add a bit of oil to the hinges here… and here…
She oils his mouth.
DOROTHY
How’s that? Can you move your mouth now?
TIN WOODMAN
Mmmmmmmmmenough. That’s enough oil. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’ve been standing here moaning for ages. Please, could you oil my neck and my shoulders and my other joints?
DOROTHY
Of course.
(she oils him as she talks)
My name’s Dorothy, and this is Toto and the Scarecrow.
TIN WOODMAN
Nice to meet you. I’m … well, call me the Tin Woodman I guess. Only name I have now…
SCARECROW
How did you get like this?
TIN WOODMAN
My own stupidity.
SCARECROW
I know the feeling well!
TIN WOODMAN
Managed to get myself caught in a storm without my oil can – oh, a bit more on the shoulder please – and before I knew what was happening, I’d rusted solid. Couldn’t move an inch.
DOROTHY
How long have you been stuck?
TIN WOODMAN
Over a year now, I think. It’s hard to keep track of time when you’re like this.
DOROTHY
My God, that’s awful.
SCARECROW
A whole year in one spot?
TIN WOODMAN
You’ve got no idea what it’s like not being able to move for so long.
SCARECROW
That’s right! I’ve only been alive for a day. What’s it like?
TIN WOODMAN
Dull.
DOROTHY
I think we’ve got your arm sorted now. Let’s see if we can get you to drop your axe. Ready?
(effort forcing his arm down)
TIN WOODMAN
(straining against the rust)
With a clunk the joint gives, dropping the axe.
TIN WOODMAN
I’ve been holding that axe up for so long.
DOROTHY
We’re getting somewhere. A bit more oil over your legs and other joints and you’ll be as good as new in no time.
TIN WOODMAN
(dismissive)
Yeah, right.
DOROTHY
Well, you could do with a polish I guess… Oh, I’m sorry, is that offensive? I’m not from around here, I don’t know what the social etiquette is when talking to people made out of tin. We don’t have them back home.
TIN WOODMAN
We don’t have them here either. I’m a special case.
(pause)
Look, I think I can move on my own now. Give me the oil can, I’ll sort the rest of my joints out myself.
He takes the oil can.
DOROTHY
Are you sure? Look, if I was being rude before, I didn’t mean –
TIN WOODMAN
No, you’re fine. I just don’t want to keep you. Have a good night.
The Tin Woodman stomps off through the woods back towards the house.
SCARECROW
Was that abrupt? That seemed a little abrupt to me.
DOROTHY
It was a little cold.
SCARECROW
We have to follow him now.
DOROTHY
Why? We offered him help and he turned it down.
SCARECROW
Because he’s going into your new house. Guess it must have been his house before he got caught in the rain.
(Suddenly realising)
Of course! Which is why the oil can was in there!
DOROTHY
(sarcastic)
Brilliant.
SCARECROW
Well, it’s the middle of the night, and you and Toto still need somewhere to sleep. And I don’t know what you’re like sleeping under a tree but having chatted with you for quite some time now –
DOROTHY
Yeah, I get it, we’re going in. Stay close behind me.
They approach the house and she knocks on the door.
DOROTHY
Hello? Tin Woodman? It’s, ah, Dorothy and the Scarecrow again. Look, don’t want to be rude but I was kinda sleeping in there before I so very kindly freed you, and it’s cold and dark out here and won’t be daylight for hours… So could you, maybe, let us crash for the night and we’ll be on our way tomorrow?
(pause. No response)
Oh come on, Tin Woodman, let us in. Have a heart!
The door opens.
TIN WOODMAN
You’re going to wish you hadn’t said that later. All right. Come on in.
They enter the house.
INT. HOUSE
Dorothy and the Scarecrow walk in.
DOROTHY
I have been meaning to say, you have a very beautiful little house. Very… rustic.
TIN WOODMAN
Thanks. Not sure why I bother with it these days. Since I became like this I hardly need it.
SCARECROW
Like this? All rusted up you mean?
TIN WOODMAN
No. Like this.
(he bangs his chest)
Made of tin.
DOROTHY
You weren’t always a tin man?
TIN WOODMAN
I was like you once. Flesh and bone, the works.
SCARECROW
What happened?
TIN WOODMAN
The Wicked Witch of the East happened. Word of advice – don’t get on her bad side. Ever. She’s got a taste for vengeance that you’ll never believe.
DOROTHY
I may have some good news for you there.
TIN WOODMAN
What?
SCARECROW
Dorothy killed her!
TIN WOODMAN
Really?
DOROTHY
My house fell on her yesterday.
TIN WOODMAN
(astonished)
I don’t believe it!
DOROTHY
It’s true. I’m wearing her Silver Slippers and everything.
TIN WOODMAN
Holy Lurline…
DOROTHY
Messed up the Munchkins a bit I’m afraid.
TIN WOODMAN
I bet it did… She’s dead? You really killed her? I… Who are you? Where do you come from?
SCARECROW
Oooh! I know this one! Her name is Dorothy and she comes from Kansas!
DOROTHY
And before you ask, no I’m not on some sort of murdering spree of the royals of Oz or anything. I’m just going to the Wizard to ask him to get me back home again.
SCARECROW
And I’m getting a brain!
DOROTHY
And he’s getting a brain.
TIN WOODMAN
From the Wizard?
SCARECROW
That’s right!
TIN WOODMAN
Good luck with that one. Last I heard the Wizard didn’t speak with his subjects directly.
DOROTHY
Well, I…
TIN WOODMAN
If you even get there. Loads of monsters on the Yellow Brick Road these days.
SCARECROW
Oh gosh! Do you think we’re doing the right thing, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Well what would you suggest, Tin Woodman? That I live in Oz for the rest of my life?
TIN WOODMAN
You might want to consider it.
DOROTHY
No. No, my aunt and uncle need me. I have to try to get back, even if it is unlikely.
Pause.
TIN WOODMAN
Then I’m coming with you.
SCARECROW
You are? Yay!
TIN WOODMAN
You’ll need someone to look after you out there. I’ve known you for five minutes and I can already see you’ll get eaten by lunch time tomorrow.
DOROTHY
Gee. Thanks.
TIN WOODMAN
Any time.
DOROTHY
Now tell me the real reason. I’ve known you for five minutes too, and I can tell you’re not really the caring type. Why do you want to go see the Wizard?
TIN WOODMAN
Reasons.
DOROTHY
Which are?
TIN WOODMAN
Like you say. I’m not really the caring type.
(a beat)
I want to ask the Wizard for a heart.
INT. EMERALD CITY OFFICE – MORNING
General bustle. People are rushing about finding information about things.
JELIA JAMB
Latest count has fifteen dead, hundreds injured –
FARAMANT
Wait, half an hour ago you said there were over twenty casualties?
JELIA JAMB
It’s chaos over there. It’s hard to get two reports the same. Did we hear back from the Storkguard flyover?
FARAMANT
Nothing concrete. Something’s on fire in the Munchkin City. Lots of noise and violence by all accounts.
JELIA JAMB
Maybe we’ll get a better idea when the sun comes up.
FARAMANT
I’m going to have to tell him, aren’t I?
JELIA JAMB
You should have told him hours ago.
FARAMANT
He’d find some way to blame me. I know it.
JELIA JAMB
The Witch of the East was assassinated. By apparently a new witch, a fairy queen or an alien, depending on who you ask. How is that your fault?
FARAMANT
He’d find a way. He hates me.
JELIA JAMB
He doesn’t hate you. But I don’t think you should leave it any longer. At some point, he’ll need to inform the Wizard and the later he knows –
OMBY AMBY
Who needs to inform the Wizard what?
FARAMANT
Omby Amby! You’re early.
OMBY AMBY
Thought I’d get into the office and get an early start. Suddenly I find half of Oz is already in here and nobody looks happy. Care to fill me in?
FARAMANT
I … I…
JELIA JAMB
It’s Munchkinland. It’s in chaos.
OMBY AMBY
Oh?
JELIA JAMB
Progressing towards civil war, by the look of it.
OMBY AMBY
Faramant?
FARAMANT
It’s not my fault, sir.
OMBY AMBY
Of course it’s not your fault. Whatever made you think it was going to be your fault? What do we know?
FARAMANT
I – I –
JELIA JAMB
We think… well reports say…
FARAMANT
The Wicked Witch is Dead!
OMBY AMBY
What? Dead?
FARAMANT
We don’t know for sure yet, or how. We’re still gathering intel.
OMBY AMBY
Why didn’t anybody wake me?
FARAMANT
We… we wanted to make sure we had all the information first.
OMBY AMBY
And what information do you have?
FARAMANT
Well… we know something’s on fire. And there’s a lot of fighting.
OMBY AMBY
Brilliant, Faramant.
FARAMANT
Well it’s dark, the Storkguards can’t see. Maybe when the sun comes up…
OMBY AMBY
(to Jelia)
What about the Emerald City? What do the people know?
JELIA JAMB
Everyone’s still asleep. But the public will be waking up soon, there’ll be questions, talk, especially if anyone has contacts in the east.
OMBY AMBY
I was hoping for a quiet morning to catch up on things today. And now I… Right. I need a full report. And then I’m going to the Wizard.
JELIA JAMB
So soon?
OMBY AMBY
You think I should keep something like this from the Great Oz? We’re going to need him if the Emerald City is going to get through this.
EXT. FOREST – DAY
Early morning, birds chirping. The Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman wait patiently for Dorothy, who is inside the house.
TIN WOODMAN
(shouting)
Dorothy, I recall it was you who wanted to get moving at first light! It’s nearly ten!
DOROTHY
(inside)
Yes, well, who was it who woke me up in the middle of the night with his howling and moaning?
TIN WOODMAN
I was rusted solid! Give me a break!
SCARECROW
Wasn’t that just the most beautiful thing ever?
TIN WOODMAN
What?
SCARECROW
The sunrise. I’ve never seen anything like it!
TIN WOODMAN
Shut up Scarecrow.
(shouting)
Dorothy, do you want to get to the Emerald City this decade?
DOROTHY
(inside)
I am not walking around this country without brushing my hair. You don’t know who you’ll meet!
TIN WOODMAN
We’re going to be trekking through a forest! The only things you’ll meet are trees and lions and tigers and bears –
SCARECROW
Oh my – do you really think so?
DOROTHY
(inside)
All right, I’m done.
(she steps outside)
Ta-da! What do you think?
TIN WOODMAN
(dismissive)
Humph!
He walks off.
DOROTHY
Well thanks.
SCARECROW
I think you look very nice, Dorothy.
DOROTHY
Ah, screw the both of you. You haven’t got a brain and he hasn’t got a heart, what would either of you know? I know Toto likes my hair. Oh yes he does. Oh yes he does…
SCARECROW
So we’re ready to go now?
DOROTHY
Yep. Filled the basket with as many provisions from the Tin Woodman’s house as I can fit, plus his oil can.
SCARECROW
And a hairbrush.
DOROTHY
I’m a girl, deal with it. I don’t think there’s anything else we need. Time to go!
SCARECROW
Hooray! I’ll go tell the –
TIN WOODMAN
(from afar)
Lion!
SCARECROW
Oh, bless you!
TIN WOODMAN
(running very fast towards them)
Look out! It’s a lion, coming this way!
DOROTHY
What? A lion?
LION
(ferocious roaring, not too far away)
DOROTHY
Ahh! A lion! Run, it’s a lion!!!
(scream)
SCARECROW
(scream)
TIN WOODMAN
(scream)
LION
(roar)
They start running.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Yes, all right, you all know what’s coming up next. But at the time we had no idea. We ran for our lives at top speed keeping ahead of the lion and making for the Yellow Brick Road. We were doing fine, until –
CUT TO:
EXT. CLIFF – CONTINUOUS
It’s a cliff-face. Slight breeze showing the echoing cavern before them. Dorothy and the Tin Woodman rush to the edge.
TIN WOODMAN
Stop, stop! It’s a sheer drop!
DOROTHY
Who makes a Yellow Brick Road that ends in a cliff? We’re trapped!
TIN WOODMAN
It’s too far to jump, we can’t go back –
DOROTHY
Where’s the Scarecrow?
TIN WOODMAN
He was right behind – oh no!
SCARECROW
(afar)
Help! Help, he’s got me! He’s got me!!!
LION
(roar)
DOROTHY
We have to do something!
TIN WOODMAN
I didn’t think lions ate straw…
DOROTHY
This one does, it’s going to tear the Scarecrow apart!
TIN WOODMAN
But they eat meat! The Scarecrow hasn’t got any flesh on him.
DOROTHY
Does the lion know that?
TIN WOODMAN
It could smell it, surely? I think it’s just throwing him around –
DOROTHY
Toto – where’s Toto?
TIN WOODMAN
I don’t know, I thought you – uh-oh…
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Ahh, brave, brave, stupid Toto. While we were speculating on the eating habits of lions, Toto decided that it was time to launch a rescue campaign all on his own. He jumped in front of the lion and growled his biggest growl, which for a puppy his size wasn’t much. I don’t know whether he was being courageous or just stupid, but he got the lion’s attention. The great beast tossed the Scarecrow aside and gave all his attention to the little dog.
Toto growls, pathetically.
LION
(roar – he’s going to eat him)
DOROTHY
Toto, no!
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Now, don’t forget, I was under a bit of stress at this point. Lost in a strange land, missing my family, on the run from Munchkins and so on. Now, standing on a cliff with my dog about to be eaten by a wild lion, I’d more or less hit my breaking point. This should explain what I did next.
TIN WOODMAN
Dorothy, are you ok? You look a bit –
DOROTHY
(screaming)
I’M GONNA RIP ITS BALLS OFF!!!!!!!
She screams a primeval yawp of anger and throws herself at the Lion, beating it up.
LION
(whimpers under the onslaught)
DOROTHY
(screaming, while beating him)
How dare you!! How dare you pick on a poor, defenceless, innocent little puppy! I am going to rip your eyes out! I’m going to –
LION
Stop, stop, you’re hurting me!
DOROTHY
Hurting you – I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!
TIN WOODMAN
Dorothy, stop!
SCARECROW
That’s enough, Dorothy.
TIN WOODMAN
Toto’s ok, it’s left him alone now –
DOROTHY
Let go of me!!
TIN WOODMAN
Come on, enough! You’ve won, ok?
The Tin Woodman drags her off the Lion, who remains whimpering.
DOROTHY
(continuing her tirade)
Picking on a poor little dog, you make me sick! You know what you are? You’re a coward! A great big stupid coward!
LION
(in tears)
I know, I know! I’ve always known! I can’t help it!
DOROTHY
(calming down)
It talks?!
LION
I can’t help what I am, please don’t hurt me anymore!
(He sits and howls.)
TIN WOODMAN
Well good work, Dorothy, you just took on a wild lion and made it cry. Happy now?
DOROTHY
I … well he started it. You attacked my dog! A poor defenceless puppy! And the Scarecrow, a stuffed man who couldn’t hurt you even if he tried!
SCARECROW
Yeah!
LION
He’s… he’s stuffed? Is that why he fell over so easily?
SCARECROW
Of course I’m stuffed. I’m a Scarecrow.
LION
And is he stuffed too?
TIN WOODMAN
No, I’m made out of tin.
LION
Oh. And what about your puppy?
DOROTHY
Toto, he’s … he’s a meat dog I guess. Why am I talking to you? You tried to eat him!
LION
I wasn’t going to, honest! I was only trying to scare him, I couldn’t hurt anyone!
DOROTHY
Sure.
LION
It’s the truth!
SCARECROW
Why couldn’t you hurt anyone?
LION
It’s like she said. I’m a coward. I always have been. And I always will…
(He bawls.)
DOROTHY
All right, I’ll bite. Why are you a coward?
LION
I’ve always been a coward, ever since I was a cub. Everyone thinks I’m brave, since I’m a lion, but I’m not really. It’s just … if I roar loud enough, then I find people and animals run away, and then I don’t actually have to …
SCARECROW
Go near them?
LION
Yep.
SCARECROW
Hey, I have an idea.
TIN WOODMAN
Uh-oh.
SCARECROW
Shut up. How about you come with us to see the Wizard of Oz and ask him to give you some courage?
LION
Huh?
DOROTHY
Scarecrow –
SCARECROW
I’m going to ask him for a brain, the Tin Woodman wants a heart and Dorothy and Toto want him to send them home. Asking him for some courage can’t be any harder than that.
LION
Oh, I dunno…
SCARECROW
Come on, what have you got to lose?
DOROTHY
Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
What?
DOROTHY
Do you have to ask everyone we meet on the Yellow Brick Road to see the Wizard? This was meant to be my trip, remember?
SCARECROW
Oh yes, but the Lion could –
DOROTHY
No. I’m sorry, but I’m not travelling with a creature that could rip us apart.
LION
I couldn’t really! I’d be too scared to!
DOROTHY
That’s crap. You’d have eaten Toto in an instant if I hadn’t stopped you, and fake tears won’t convince me otherwise.
TIN WOODMAN
Dorothy, don’t you think you’re being a bit –
DOROTHY
Oz is dangerous enough without asking danger to come with us!
LION
Please let me come with you. I won’t hurt anyone I promise. My life is simply unbearable without a bit of courage. Please!
A monstrous roar echoes from the forest. Toto yelps and the Lion whimpers.
DOROTHY
What was that?
LION
(trembling)
Something way scarier than me. Make it go away, make it go away!
TIN WOODMAN
Why, what is it?
LION
It’s a Kalidah!
TIN WOODMAN
(worried)
Oh.
SCARECROW
A Kalidah! Oh no, not a Kalidah! What’s a Kalidah?
TIN WOODMAN
Bad news.
LION
They’ve got the bodies of bears and the heads of tigers and claws that can rip us into teeny weeny pieces… I’m very afraid of Kalidahs.
TIN WOODMAN
I’ve never known them to get this deep into Munchkinland.
DOROTHY
I guess spending a year frozen in the forest kept you out of the loop.
The Kalidah roar again.
DOROTHY
(scared)
Well this doesn’t look good. A monster on one side, a gaping chasm on the other. Any ideas anyone?
SCARECROW
Well –
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, I swear, if your idea is to ask them if they want to come with us to see the Wizard –
SCARECROW
No! Look at this tree. It might be big enough to stretch to the other side of the chasm. If the Tin Woodman chops it down, we could use it as a bridge.
TIN WOODMAN
You might be on to something there, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
I dunno, I don’t have a brain –
TIN WOODMAN
It’s worth a try! Argh!
He starts chopping at the tree. The Kalidahs roar.
DOROTHY
Hurry, Tin Woodman!
TIN WOODMAN
(chopping)
I’m chopping … as fast … as I can. It’s a big tree!
SCARECROW
It’s going to take too long. Come on, Lion, we’ll see if we can hold the Kalidah off.
LION
What? I’m not going near that thing!
SCARECROW
I thought you said if you roar loud enough you can scare anything?
LION
Not Kalidahs!
Kalidah roar.
DOROTHY
Well someone had better do something, it’s getting closer!
LION
Oh … all right. You first!
DOROTHY
Good luck, Scarecrow!
The two of them rush away.
DOROTHY
Hurry up and get that tree down!
TIN WOODMAN
Thanks Dorothy…
INT. FOREST – CONTINUOUS
LION
Umm, so what are we going to do when we run into the Kalidah?
SCARECROW
I don’t know. I haven’t got a brain, I can’t think of everything.
LION
I say we just turn around and run away.
SCARECROW
We have to buy the Tin Woodman some time. I wonder if we can find something that we can … what?
LION
B-b-b-b-b-behind you!
SCARECROW
What? Ahhh! It’s-it’s-it’s
SCARECROW
A Kalidah! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
LION
A Kalidah! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!
The Kalidah roars, closer than ever.
EXT. CLIFF
The Tin Woodman is chopping furiously.
DOROTHY
Come on, Tin Woodman, hurry!
TIN WOODMAN
(chopping as he talks)
For the last time, Dorothy, this is not as easy as it looks! It’s a very thick tree! And I have to balance it out properly.
DOROTHY
Who cares if it’s balanced? We don’t need perfection here!
TIN WOODMAN
(chopping)
You’ll care when it falls the wrong way and it lands in the chasm.
DOROTHY
All right, all right, balance it. But quickly!
EXT. FOREST
The Scarecrow and the Lion tremble before the Kalidah.
SCARECROW
(terrified)
Errr… Hi there! How are you? Doing well are you? Eaten many people lately?
Kalidah roar
SCARECROW
You don’t happen to eat straw at all, do you?
LION
(petrified whisper)
Psst! Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
Oh, this is, erm, my new friend the Lion here. But I’ve only been alive for just over a day now, so I guess everyone is a new friend to me. W-would you like to be my friend?
(Kalidah roar)
I guess not…
LION
Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
What?
LION
There’s another one! Behind it!
SCARECROW
What!?! Ahhh, ummm, I’m guessing this is… your … mummy?
An even bigger Kalidah stomps up towards them. They roar in stereo.
LION
(scream)
SCARECROW
(scream)
LION
Run!
He scarpers away.
SCARECROW
N-n-nice Kalidah. S-s-stay Kalidah. Was nice ch-ch-chatting with you!
(he runs)
Run away run away run away run away run away…
EXT. CLIFF
The Tin Woodman finishes chopping the tree. It creaks and starts to fall.
TIN WOODMAN
Timber!!!!
It crashes to the other side.
DOROTHY
Well done!
TIN WOODMAN
Thanks, now over you go.
DOROTHY
You sure it’s safe?
TIN WOODMAN
Safer than staying here, get moving!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow! Lion, it’s ready, come on!
TIN WOODMAN
I’ll call them, you climb over!
DOROTHY
I’m going, I’m going! Careful Toto….
She starts to climb across.
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow! Lion! Are you ok?
The Kalidahs scream. The Lion races up
LION
There’s two of them! THERE’S TWO OF THEM!
TIN WOODMAN
Where’s the Scarecrow?
LION
He’s not behind me?
SCARECROW
(far away)
Run away run away run away run away run away…
TIN WOODMAN
Come on, get across.
LION
Across that? But it’s such a long way down…
TIN WOODMAN
You want to get eaten? Quickly, and watch out you don’t knock off Dorothy!
LION
All right, oh geeze…
He starts to climb over.
DOROTHY
(from afar)
Careful, I’m still here you know!
LION
Sorry!
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow! Get a move on!
SCARECROW
(approaching)
Help me, Tin Woodman, help!!!!
TIN WOODMAN
Careful, you’ll run off the edge!
SCARECROW
(complete panic)
There’s two of them! Mummy and bubby! Gonna eat me, gonna eat me!
TIN WOODMAN
Calm down or you’ll never get across the bridge.
SCARECROW
Don’t let them eat me, don’t let them eat me, don’t let them eat me!!!!!
TIN WOODMAN
I’m going to have to carry you aren’t I? Great.
SCARECROW
Ahhh! The Kalidah’s got me!
TIN WOODMAN
I’ve got you, you twit, We’re going to cross the bridge together, right?
DOROTHY
(from afar)
All right, I’m across!
LION
I’m nearly there!
The Kalidahs roar again.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Now, just picture for a moment what all this looks like. By now, Toto and I have made it to the other side of the chasm, safe and sound, even if my heart is racing a million miles an hour. The Lion is nearly there, which isn’t filling me with joy since I still don’t trust him. Meanwhile, the Tin Woodman is doing his best to tight-rope walk his way across the tree-bridge, balancing his axe in one hand, the squirming and terrified Scarecrow in the other.
TIN WOODMAN
Will you keep still or you’ll send us both over!
SCARECROW
Gonna die, gonna die!
LION
You’re nearly here! You’re nearly safe!
SCARECROW
We’re never safe! The Kalidahs are going to eat us!
TIN WOODMAN
Oh shut up!
DOROTHY (V.O.)
Eventually, all of us made it to the other side of the bridge, back on solid ground. For a moment we thought we were safe. We were wrong.
TIN WOODMAN
The Kalidahs are climbing across after us!
They all scream. The Kalidahs roar.
LION
I knew it wasn’t over!
TIN WOODMAN
I can stop them!
DOROTHY
What are you doing?
TIN WOODMAN
I’m going to break the bridge!
He starts chopping away at the tree.
DOROTHY
You haven’t got time, we’ve got to run!
TIN WOODMAN
You run, I’ll hold them off!
SCARECROW
You heard him, let’s get out of here.
LION
Leave it, Tin Woodman!
TIN WOODMAN
I’m gonna make it! I’m gonna make it, I’m –
(a beat)
You’re right, I’m not gonna make it. Look out, I’m coming through!
DOROTHY (V.O.)
The Kalidahs were upon us! But as the second Kalidah climbed onto the bridge after its mate, an ominous crack echoed around the chasm. With the combined weight of two Kalidahs, along with the damage the Tin Woodman had already done to the bridge, the tree broke in half sending both of the Kalidahs and the makeshift bridge crashing into the depths below.
The Kalidahs scream as they plummet to their deaths.
DOROTHY
Is everybody ok?
TIN WOODMAN
A bit dented, but in one piece. It’s a good thing I don’t have a heart. It’d be exploding right now.
LION
Can I open my eyes now?
SCARECROW
Are they dead?
DOROTHY
I think so.
TIN WOODMAN
Nothing could have survived that fall.
DOROTHY
I hope so.
SCARECROW
Well. That’s settled one thing at least.
DOROTHY
What?
SCARECROW
There’s no going back now. I can’t see any way of getting back across the chasm. We’re all committed to going to the Emerald City.
LION
So you have to let me go with you?
TIN WOODMAN
I don’t see that we have any choice! Welcome to the club, Lion.
DOROTHY
(not impressed)
That’s… great. Just great.
SCARECROW
Aww, don’t pout, Dorothy. I’m sure you and the Lion will be the best of friends before long!
DOROTHY
You’re crazy. You know that right? Insane.
LION
Better insane than on your own, right?
DOROTHY
Shut up.
INT. CORRIDOR, EMERALD CITY
Faramant and Jelia Jamb wait outside the Throne Room. The big doors open and Omby Amby steps out.
FARAMANT
Well?
JELIA JAMB
What did he say?
OMBY AMBY
Don’t you two have anything more important to be doing than loitering outside of the Wizard’s throne room? It’s not like there’s a huge national crisis happening as we speak or anything.
JELIA JAMB
We need to know what the Wizard wants us to do.
FARAMANT
Are there going to be thunderbolts, knocking the Munchkins into submission? The Wizard must have some plan of action to quell them.
OMBY AMBY
He didn’t have much to say at all, really. He never does.
JELIA JAMB
Nothing?
FARAMANT
Did you tell him about the death of the Witch? Munchkinland in chaos, the municipal precinct in ruins and embers?
OMBY AMBY
No, no, we just sat around drinking tea and discussing the weather in Ev this time of year. I gave him the full report as you two briefed me.
JELIA JAMB
And?
OMBY AMBY
Provided the Emerald City is protected, he doesn’t want us involved.
JELIA JAMB
Oh.
OMBY AMBY
And frankly I agree with him. Let the Munchkins chop each other into bits, I say. The Wizard’s orders are to lock down the City and seal the borders until the chaos ends. We’ll maintain order in the City, and eventually – once everything settles down – we’ll assess the damage.
JELIA JAMB
Isn’t he worried about the repercussions from the other Witches? That’s the feeling among the people, that someone’s going to take action to fill the power void.
FARAMANT
And what about the girl?
Pause
OMBY AMBY
What girl?
FARAMANT
You know, the girl. The one in the house that fell on the… I told you about her.
JELIA JAMB
You never mentioned a girl.
FARAMANT
From that account from that Munchkin soldier who escaped and ran into…
JELIA JAMB
You don’t mean those early rumours about the fairy alien thing? We never confirmed them.
FARAMANT
Yes we did, there was the account from the soldier he… I’m sure I included it in the report.
OMBY AMBY
(flicking pages)
I didn’t see anything about a girl.
FARAMANT
I’m sure I wrote it there on page… oh.
OMBY AMBY
Faramant!
FARAMANT
I meant to include it, honest!
OMBY AMBY
Tell me everything right now! What girl?
EXT. YELLOW BRICK ROAD – LATER
The four friends keep walking along the Yellow Brick Road through the forest.
DOROTHY (V.O.)
A girl, a dog, a scarecrow, a tin man and a lion travelling together to ask the Wizard for our hearts’ desire. You already know that’s how it all started. I don’t think any of us were all that happy with each other’s company, but it really didn’t really matter. It was just an arrangement of convenience – who said we had to like each other? Once the Wizard gave us what we wanted, we’d go our separate ways and that would be that.
Of course, getting to the Wizard depended on us not killing each other first…
SCARECROW
(falling over)
Sorry. Again.
DOROTHY
Oh Scarecrow…
TIN WOODMAN
That makes the sixteenth time you’ve fallen into a hole in the road in the last half hour. Not that I’m counting.
SCARECROW
I said I was sorry. I’m just not used to walking yet.
LION
Why don’t you walk around the holes in the road, Scarecrow?
SCARECROW
Because I don’t have enough brains to know to do that.
TIN WOODMAN
There’s only so far that ‘no brain’ excuse will get you, you know.
SCARECROW
Sure. Well perhaps if you had a heart you’d have more sympathy for those of us who haven’t worked out everything yet, mister smarty pants tin man!
DOROTHY
Oh stop it, both of you. Don’t make me bitch-slap you. Scarecrow, trying looking where you put your feet before you step into any more holes. And Tin Woodman, it’s not Scarecrow’s fault the people of Oz can’t keep their roads in good order.
SCARECROW
Ok, I’ll try.
DOROTHY
Why is this road so crappy, anyway?
TIN WOODMAN
Because nobody bothers to maintain it. The Wizard doesn’t care about anything outside the Emerald City, and the Witch of the East didn’t want anybody using the road to get out of Munchkinland. So it just falls apart.
DOROTHY
But this is crazy. There was a great big chasm back there.
LION
There used to be a bridge there once. I remember playing on it when I was a cub and none of the other animals could see me.
TIN WOODMAN
It must have collapsed some time ago. Or the Witch destroyed it. Or the Wizard did.
SCARECROW
I thought the Wizard was a good guy?
TIN WOODMAN
Well think about it. The Munchkins are ruled by a ruthless witch who could summon an army to attack his precious Emerald City whenever she wanted. Makes sense to cut off the Yellow Brick Road so nobody can get through.
SCARECROW
You don’t like the Wizard much, do you?
TIN WOODMAN
I don’t like how he puts all his great powers into protecting the Emerald City and leaves the rest of Oz to suffer. He’s been on the throne for decades, why didn’t he do something about the Wicked Witches before? Dorothy’s proven how easy it was to take her out.
DOROTHY
He might not have had a flying house handy.
LION
Maybe he was too scared? I know I would be.
TIN WOODMAN
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, scared? Give over. No, he just doesn’t care about the rest of Oz. Just as long as he’s comfortable.
DOROTHY
Then what are we doing then? If he’s so self centred, what on Earth will make him want to help us?
LION
Isn’t trying better than not bothering at all? Dorothy?
Pause.
DOROTHY
I think we should keep moving. I don’t want to be still in this forest when the sun goes down.
SCARECROW
(falling over)
Oomph. Sorry.
TIN WOODMAN
Seventeen. Not that I’m counting.
They approach a rushing river.
DOROTHY
You’re such a –
(she sees the river)
Oh. Somebody hates me. Somebody really hates me.
SCARECROW
Nobody hates you.
DOROTHY
Whoever built this road does. The moment we get clear of the dark and scary forest, the road decides to dip under a stupid river. This is just not fair.
TIN WOODMAN
Another bridge collapsed, I’d say.
DOROTHY
(deep sarcasm)
No – really?
LION
How do we get across?
SCARECROW
Oh, that’s easy.
DOROTHY
It is?
SCARECROW
Yep! The Tin Woodman can make us a raft!
TIN WOODMAN
Oh, can I now?
SCARECROW
There’s plenty of trees nearby. You can chop them down, we’ll use some vines to tie them together, and ta-da! A raft!
TIN WOODMAN
No way.
DOROTHY
That’s not a bad idea, actually.
LION
It might work.
TIN WOODMAN
No it won’t.
DOROTHY
That’s good thinking Scarecrow, I’m surprised I didn’t think of it.
SCARECROW
Really? I should pretend I have a brain more often.
TIN WOODMAN
Is nobody listening to me? I’m not doing it.
SCARECROW
Oh come on, Tin Woodman.
TIN WOODMAN
No. You see all that water? If I fall into that I’ll rust in two seconds flat!
DOROTHY
You won’t fall in.
TIN WOODMAN
Says you!
LION
I’m scared too, Tin Woodman, but I don’t see any other way of crossing the river.
TIN WOODMAN
Uh-uh. No way. Forget it. There is no way, in all of Oz, in all of the world that you are going to get me on to a raft.
EXT. RIVER
All five of them are on a raft, including the Tin Woodman.
TIN WOODMAN
I can’t believe you talked me into this…
DOROTHY
Oh stop your whining, we’ll be fine. It’s like punting on a stream.
TIN WOODMAN
Does he have a licence to drive this thing?
SCARECROW
I don’t need a licence, I’m doing fine aren’t I? All I have to do is put the pole in the water, find the ground, and push us along. See? Easy peasy!
LION
Just as long as you keep us going in a straight line.
DOROTHY
From one side of the river to the other, a straight line.
SCARECROW
Oh stop fussing, we’ll be all right.
(the raft shakes)
Hmm, we’re hitting a bit of a current. Nevermind, I’ll just make a few course corrections and we’ll get us back on course….
TIN WOODMAN
Scarecrow, you’re sending us down the river!
SCARECROW
No, I’m not, I’m … oh, wait. I am. Hang on, I’m getting the hang of this…
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, maybe you should let me drive?
SCARECROW
I’m all right, this is easy! Like I said, pole goes in the water, find the ground and … uh oh. I can’t find the ground!
TIN WOODMAN
(panic)
We’re all gonna rust!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, give me the pole.
SCARECROW
No, I can do it!
LION
Dorothy, sit down you’re rocking the boat!
DOROTHY
If you can’t get control of this thing –
SCARECROW
No, I can do this, I’ll be right. If I can just find the ground – ah-ha! I found the ground!
DOROTHY
Good, now give me the –
SCARECROW
Uh-oh. I think it’s stuck…
LION
What?
TIN WOODMAN
I’m going to kill you, Scarecrow!
SCARECROW
The pole’s stuck in the ground, it’s not coming back out!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow, let go of it, leave it!
SCARECROW
I might be able to get it unstuck…
DOROTHY
Let go of the pole!
SCARECROW
Just a second I’ll … hey, the raft! I’ve lost my … hey, don’t float off without me!
DOROTHY
He’s stuck on the pole! He’s stuck in the middle of the river holding on to the pole!
SCARECROW
(drifting away)
Help! Help me! I can’t stay out here forever!
DOROTHY
Scarecrow!
CLOSING CREDITS