PREVIOUSLY
Flashback to Season 1 - the end of episode 5. The WIZARD is flying away in his balloon from the Emerald City, and DOROTHY is yelling at him. Only this time, it's redesigned from the Wizard's POV.
WIZARD
Keep back, Dorothy! I mean it!
DOROTHY
Oh no you don’t. Get out of there and face your people!
WIZARD
I can’t, I’m sorry.
DOROTHY
You can and you will, even if I have to drag you out! You lied to them, you owe them the truth!
WIZARD
They’ll destroy me!
DOROTHY
Not if you come clean they won’t! Tell them what happened, be honest and you’ll be fine.
WIZARD
Don’t be so naïve, what would you do if you were in their position?
DOROTHY
I am in their position! I trusted in your great power too, remember, and look where it’s got me!
WIZARD
I’m sorry, I really am. But I can’t stay here. I just can’t. I had this balloon prepared for just this situation, ready to go at any time. And that time has come.
DOROTHY
Don’t you even think about dumping this on us. What are we supposed to tell your people?
WIZARD
Whatever you like. Tell them I was killed. Tell them I went to heaven. Tell them I was a Wicked Wizard who abandoned them all, I don’t care! Oz is yours now, tell them what you like!
He fires the burner again and starts to float away. Dorothy's voice disappears into the distance.
DOROTHY
(drifting away)
Don’t you float away while I’m yelling at you. Get back down here right now!
WIZARD
Goodbye Dorothy! I hope you find your way back to Kansas. Perhaps we’ll meet again there someday!
DOROTHY
(now far away)
You’d better pray I never see you again! Wizard! Wizard!!!!
WIZARD
(shouting)
Goodbye and good luck!
(to himself, self-satisfied)
So... what happens now?
OPENING CREDITS
EXT. BALLOON - DAY
Some time later. The balloon floats through the sky, quietly drifting aimlessly. The Wizard fiddles with a tape recorder.
WIZARD
This thing's gotta have an on-button somewhere... it worked well enough last week... there!
He presses a button and it starts recording.
WIZARD (cont'd)
(uncertainly)
Right. Hello. This is... well this recording...
He pauses, then laughs at himself bitterly. Then with great false bravado:
WIZARD (cont'd)
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up, step right up! Behind this curtain you will see marvels the likes of which you have never imagined! A man who can speak with the voices of the dead, a sorcerer who commands lightning itself, and -- the pièce de résistance -- a wizard who fell out of the sky and made a kingdom bow at his feet! Ha-ha!
He lets out a sigh.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Of course, the trick was -- I was all three and none. Smoke, mirrors, and a booming voice. It worked on farmers and shopkeepers. But witches? Kings? Children? They always end up seeing through it eventually. Still, what’s a wizard without a little razzle-dazzle, huh?
He taps the tape deck.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Hope this thing's recording. It's a cheap piece of junk and barely rewinds. And even if it does, who's going to listen to it? Archaeologists digging it up centuries from now, writing epic tomes about the Wonderful Wizard of Oz, and his last words in a balloon drifting nowhere.
Right, so if anyone does find this, let's catch you up. I left the land of Oz some time ago, and been travelling solidly westwards ever since. The good news is, I'm not over the Deadly Desert anymore. Passed over that weeks ago, thank God. Crashing there would be a disaster, trust me. No, I managed to keep this crate going until I reached the outer countries of this crazy magical continent. That's the good news. The bad news is I'm nowhere near getting back to the US. And none of the crazy magical lands I've landed in are what I need right now.
This is stupid -- nobody down there even knows what a tape deck is. Bronze-age monarchs with real magic. The one thing they have and I haven't got. Yeah, you hear that? If anyone back home manages to hear this -- magic is real! Witches are real! Wizards are... well they're meant to be.
Magic's certainly real down there. Since I left Oz I've met the Scoodlers -- nasty little punks, didn't stay long. Then Boboland -- nice folk, meant well, but never seen a balloon before. Couldn't help. Not as dazzled as the Ozians, preferred doing things their own way. I stayed until it was clear they couldn't help me.
So here I am. The burner is running out of gas, the balloon is losing altitude, and all I have to survive is a bag of tricks. Right now, looking over the edge of the basket here, I think I'm over where the Nome King hangs out, which isn't going to be good. All mountains and rocks. That guy isn't going to like me much. Ha. Nobody likes me much, let's face it. Maybe this is what happens to people like me, writing more cheques than he can cash. I come crashing down on an immortal tyrant whose power is so strong even I've heard of him. Yeah, he won't be fooled by a humbug Wizard.
Pull yourself together, Oscar. Self-pity's a lousy act. The audience doesn't buy it. They want the exploits of the Great and Terrible! The Wonderful Wizard! Professor Marvel, the Magical Mimic, the Immortal Magician, or whatever name I gave myself this time.
He pauses, and laughs.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Maybe I should have stayed in Oz. Faced my people like she said.
(chuckle, nostalgia)
My reign in Oz was spectacular. Every day on the Emerald Throne was opening night. Cue the orchestra, roll out the green carpet, give every trembling petitioner the full 'Great and Terrible' treatment. They went home silent, terrified -- and convinced. My kind of crowd.
Well, there was one who wasn't. Only one person who saw through the facade. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's that Dorothy kid, the one who showed up in Oz and in under a week undid the whole political system by somehow just being there. I mean, she thinks she could see through me, but... nah, it was someone else who got it. Someone who basically had my number the whole time and for some reason took great pleasure in making sure I knew it.
WITCH
(echoing, memory)
I'll burn your city, Wizard. On my terms. But first I'll make you beg to give it to me.
WIZARD
I'll never forget the last time I saw her. That time she finally saw right through me and called me out for the coward I really am.
WITCH
(echoing)
You rule with sparkle and spectacle -- now see who you are without them.
WIZARD
I mean, what kind of good man am I? If I'm not better than the Wicked Witch of the West?
Whoosh! We flashback to the Wizard's memories.
EXT. WINKIELAND - NIGHT
Thunder cracks! The horror and fear of this barren landscape under the control of a wicked witch haunts us all.
WIZARD (V.O.)
I'd banished her to the west of Oz long ago. Even back then I knew she'd be my biggest threat if I let her stay in the Emerald City. The Witch could see things others couldn't. An ice cold eye nothing could escape. She knew I was involved with the death of Pastoria, disappearing the princess... She suspected too much. She had to go.
The Wizard struts through the wasteland, and starts calling out.
WIZARD
All right, I'm here! Come out come out wherever you are!
WIZARD (V.O.)
Anyway that was years ago. She'd built herself a little empire with the Winkies and was clearly Someone To Watch but not a proper threat -- not yet. But then we started hearing stories.
WIZARD
Come on, I know you're there. I'm here, I'm alone, and I'm waiting!
WIZARD (V.O.)
I could have sent storkguards. Or one of the guardians to intercede with her on my behalf. But I was cocky. I thought I could challenge her like I did back in the old days. I was wrong.
WIZARD
If you're going to waste my time, then I'm going back home!
WITCH
You'll go home? Really? Do you promise?
WIZARD
Ah, there you are. Still as charming as ever, huh?
WITCH
(laughing)
And you're still all class. You said you came alone?
WIZARD
Can you see any guards?
WITCH
You're an expert in deception, Wizard.
WIZARD
And you're the mistress of misery -- you haven't changed.
WITCH
Haven't I?
WIZARD
If you think you can fool me, think again.
WITCH
And you've never fooled me. What do you want?
WIZARD
Grumpy already? Still short on patience --
BOOM! Fireball at his feet.
WIZARD (cont'd)
That nearly got me!
WITCH
Speak your mind or go back home, your Ozness. I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day.
WIZARD
Then I'll come to the point. The Emerald City's been hearing things about what you're doing out west. Certain... how shall I put it? Investigations.
WITCH
You've been spying on me?
WIZARD
Of course, we spy on everyone. Now, since your new western appointment we've allowed you a certain amount of autonomy --
WITCH
Ha! Western appointment! Is that how you rewrite history?
WIZARD
(talking over her)
-- we've allowed you certain autonomy in Winkieland provided you stay in Winkieland. But you've been spreading your bat-wings, haven't you, my dear?
WITCH
You tell me, 'my dear'.
WIZARD
We've detected certain artefacts have gone missing. Thaumic readings beyond what we normally see. What are you up to, Witch?
WITCH
(laughing)
That's why you came all the way out here? Out of the seclusion of your throne room? To ask me what I'm up to?
WIZARD
We've known each other a long time, you --
WITCH
No, we knew each other a long time ago. Things have changed here. I wonder if they've changed for you?
WIZARD
(confidently ignoring her)
Whatever you're doing, you're gonna stop it. Right now. Are we understood?
WITCH
(incredulous)
Wow. I mean, sure. Why not. I'll stop everything I'm up to immediately. Why not submit myself to you for a jolly good spanking while I'm at it? You don't rule me, Wizard!
WIZARD
I rule all of Oz and you will submit to my power or --
WITCH
Or what? What power will I submit to? Yours?
WIZARD
You'd be surprised what I can still pull out of a hat!
He drops a smoke bomb. It fizzles with fireworks, not unimpressively, but clearly more 'real world' than what the Witch threw moments ago. The Witch gasps and jumps back.
WIZARD (cont'd)
You're not the only one with powers here, you know.
WITCH
(contrite)
I... I see you're very powerful, Wizard!
WIZARD
You bet.
WITCH
(seemingly genuinely scared)
Your magic has increased. You... you never used to have such power, I... I don't know what to say.
WIZARD
Do we have an understanding?
WITCH
(scared)
Oh, we do, I promise you, I understand entirely, oh Great and Terrible.
She pauses, laughs, and brings back her trademark sneer.
WITCH (cont'd)
I understand you're out of your depth. Now, here's something I need you to understand.
She reaches down and pulls out a GOLDEN CAP. The Wizard recognises it immediately as she puts it on her head.
WIZARD
(horrified)
You found it...
The Witch laughs, then recites the spell.
WITCH
Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke
Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo
Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!
With the same sound design as from Season 1, the WINGED MONKEYS appear, screeching and grunting, their wings blowing a gale.
WIZARD
How did you find the Golden Cap? How!?
WITCH
It would be better described as having found me. Do you like my new friends?
WIZARD
Legend has it you can only summon the Winged Monkeys three times.
WITCH
I will only need them once. You know their legend, you know their power. How long will your little Emerald City last under their bombardment?
WIZARD
The others will stop you. Those Silver Slippers the other one has --
WITCH
If you think the witches will come to your rescue, think again. We all hate you.
WIZARD
You wouldn't dare.
WITCH
(declarative)
Stop me then. Come on! You're Oz the Great and Terrible, aren't you? Use your tremendous powers! Send the Winged Monkeys back to the hell I released them from! Well? I'm waiting for you, Wizard of Oz!
WIZARD
Don't push me.
WITCH
(quietly)
Go ahead, Wizard. Take your shot. Show me what you've got left.
The Wizard is silent. He has no response -- there's no way he can stop her from destroying him.
WITCH (cont'd)
I knew it. Ha, I knew it. You talk big, but when it comes down to it, you're nothing. Smoke and mirrors. You rule with sparkle and spectacle -- now see who you are without them.
WIZARD
You have no idea what powers I have --
WITCH
No, I really, really do. Humbug! You used to fool me, back in the day. When you ordered me out of the Emerald City to consolidate your power, I thought you might have what it takes. But I know you now. You're nothing. Just an old man hiding in his gilded cage. You once exiled me with words, did you think I'd still be afraid of them?
WIZARD
Better a gilded cage than a barren wasteland, living like an animal. I hear the Winkies only obey you because you forced them out of their minds.
WITCH
You built a kingdom of mirrors and shadows. I built mine on chains. The difference? I don’t pretend it was for their good.
WIZARD
Then what are you waiting for? If you could take the Emerald City from me, you'd have done it already. I'm not the only one bluffing here. Get on with it.
WITCH
Oh, I'll burn your city, Wizard. On my terms. But first I'll make you beg to give it to me. This meeting? It's not about threatening you. It's a reminder that you've already lost. I can take you at any time and you have no way to stop me.
WIZARD
There are ways. You have no idea of the resources, the power --
WITCH
A power greater than the Winged Monkeys? You know the legends. You can bluster all you like, but you know I've already won.
WIZARD
Then what do you want?
Pause.
WITCH
That. Exactly that. The knowledge that you know I can beat you any time I like. You once told me you're fooling everyone. That ends now. You will fall, Wizard. And I will be there for it. But first you will know that I started it.
(pause)
I broke you. At long last.
WIZARD
We'll see about that.
WITCH
I see it now.
Pause
WIZARD
(false confidence)
Well, I trust this concludes the performance.
WITCH
You would know about a performance.
WIZARD
(hiding fear)
Good luck with the gorillas, I'm sure they won't be impossible to groom or anything. If you need a banana supplier please don't hesitate to reach out.
The monkeys screech as he tries to leave.
WITCH
It's fine. We'll let him leave. He knows he's lost. Go back to your Emerald City. Feel safe. One day I will descend and end your reign and burn your world. You will fall. And you'll remember this day -- that I broke you.
WIZARD
Then bring it on, Witch!
He walks away, and the Witch laughs and laughs, fading into the background.
EXT. BALLOON
We return to the balloon, falling through the sky slowly. The Wizard returns to his thoughts.
WIZARD
So I did all the things one does. Reinforced security, shut the city off best I could. Couldn't tell anyone what was coming or how I knew -- that would give me away. But you do your best.
Then I waited. For the other shoe to drop. The attack to come.
Then eventually, a house fell on the other witch and all hell finally broke loose. It was chaos, but it finally gave me the opportunity to strike back.
Whoosh - flashback to Season 1 episode 3!
INT. THRONE ROOM - FLASHBACK
It's the throne room. It's Dorothy talking to the Wizard. Again, the scene is re-designed to be from the Wizard's perspective.
DOROTHY
I haven’t got any power, I’m just a girl! Please, can you help me?
WIZARD
You have no right to expect me to send you back to Kansas unless you do something for me in return. In this land, everyone must pay for what they get. If you wish me to use my great power to send you home, then you must do something for me first. Help me and I will help you.
DOROTHY
What do I have to do?
WIZARD
Kill the Wicked Witch of the West!
DOROTHY
(gasp)
I can’t! I told you, I haven’t got any power!
WIZARD
You killed the Witch of the East and you wear her Silver Slippers. There is now but one Wicked Witch left in all of Oz, and when you can tell me she is dead I will send you back to Kansas -- but not before!
DOROTHY
But I can’t kill a witch! Last time was an accident. Look, you’re a Great and Terrible Wizard and I’m nobody. If you can’t kill her, how on Earth could I do it?
WIZARD
This is my answer and that is my condition. Until the Wicked Witch dies you will not see your uncle and aunt again. Leave my presence, and do not return until you have completed your task!
Whoosh! Return to the present!
EXT. BALLOON - CONTINUOUS
Continued from previous scene. The balloon is starting to fall.
WIZARD
I sent a little girl to fight a witch I couldn't fight myself. God, what sort of man am I?
And she saw it. The Witch saw it, she basically said it. We're the same. And Dorothy saw it too. She knew right away what I was. And I... I don't think I can keep that hidden anymore.
But what can you do? Life is a show, after all, and we are but performers. All I can do is keep doing my thing. Bluffing those in charge, talking fast, getting away with it. Until I don't.
Have I reached that day yet? The day I fall?
The gas engine sputters. It's running out.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Ha! Well, literally I guess. Time's running out after all. If you heard that, that was the burner, giving up. And I think I'm at least fifty feet in the air still. Solid rock below. This can only end well.
(shouting)
Did you see this coming, Witch? Is this what you meant?
He laughs, despite himself.
WIZARD (cont'd)
(showman again)
Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been a wonderful audience. For my final trick -- behold! The Wizard who fell from the heavens, the man who cheated death a dozen times, and will now attempt the impossible one more time -- crashing headlong into oblivion and walking away with his dignity intact! And if I don’t... well, you can say you were there for the last performance. Tickets non-refundable, of course.
Funny, isn’t it? History won’t remember the Emerald Throne, or the humbug behind the curtain. No, they’ll remember Dorothy. Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz. She was the hero... I was just one of the villains.
I'll tell you this. It's one thing to say you can fool everyone. But when it's just you left, all that's left is to fool yourself.
We hear an earthquake. A sound that will be increasingly familiar as we get into Season 4.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Is that... can you hear that? I think we're getting an earthquake. Oh that's great. Extra drama. Literally toppling into hell. Guess I've got a bit further to fall than I thought!
He laughs manically and brings back the performer one last time.
WIZARD (cont'd)
Encore! Encore! The show must go on! Ha-ha! Unless of course... it doesn't!
The earthquake is overwhelming and sucks the cackling Wizard in. It builds to a crescendo and then -- silence.
CLOSING CREDITS
CREDITS
As the music fades, it degenerate to a tape recorder, running off its spool. A mysterious voice comments mysteriously.
GLINDA
Interesting...